Blend in
by born a dreamer
Summary: COMPLETE! :D He yelps in surprise and I swear to God I’m not any less shocked. I mean I certainly didn't plan to do that. The idea of kissing him just popped up in my head and so I did, much to my own surprise... Full summary inside
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** _He yelps in surprise and I swear to God I'm not any less shocked than he is. I mean I certainly didn't plan to do that. I__ guess it's just because I've got this reflex that always causes me to do stuff that pops up into my head –which could be practically anything. _

_This time, the idea of kissing him popped up in my head and so I did, much to my own surprise._

_In just a matter of a few thoughtless minutes, Yamato managed to change everyone's opinion about him, his friendship with Taichi, and last but not least -in fact, a whole lot more than he ever realised- his self-identity. _

**Disclaimer: I don't digimon, or any of the characters **

* * *

"Hi guys!" A girl with short red hair waved at her two friends who were sitting at a table, just starting to eat. It was Wednesday, and one of those generous days where the students managed to drag themselves out to eat lunch outdoors at the school's cafeteria.

"Hey Sora", Yamato greeted and continued eating. She sat down beside Taichi and placed her food on the table.

"Where's Mimi?" said boy beside her asked around the junk food that was supposed to be his lunch.

"She took the day off so that she and her mom could go on their 'special shopping trip' they do like once a year. Isn't that the most stupid thing you've ever heard?" the redhead exclaimed, not bothering to hide the side of her that seperated her from her best friend.

Yamato swallowed and answered quickly. "Nope."

She looked him. "Huh?"

Yamato pointed at Taichi accros the table, smirking evily. "Actually, the most stupid thing _I've _ever heard was when Tai tried to explain to Mrs Aoki _why _he hadn't done his homework…" Yamato started, happily ognoring his best friend's groan and '_not this again..'_.

Sora smirked and glanced at Taichi. "This is gonna be good…"

"Shut up", Taichi muttered and took another huge bite of his burger.

"We were supposed to read these certain pages in our chemistry book, which every one did – every one except this rather odd guy named Yagami Taichi." Sora giggled and Taichi gave Yamato a weird face. Yamato ignored him and continued his story.

-----

"… so then she said 'Okay Tai, so if all of that is true –witch I doubt- how come you remembered to bring your chemistry book?' and he just stands there for a few seconds and looks stupid…"

"Shut up…"

"… and then he said 'Well… you see, I put it in my bag, so wouldn't forget it, 'cause I often do that…'"

Sora looked at Taichi, looking almost sorry for him. "Oh, Tai... you are so, _so-_"

"Well_ w_hat the hell was I supposed to do? I'd just completely used all my brilliant ideas to make up that incredible story, and then she just blows it all by asking me that question!"

"Tai… I don't think she would've bought it anyway…" Yamato comented, giving him a grin that made the brunet want to punch him.

"What do _you _know anyway…?" Taichi muttered, glaring at him.

"Enough to do my homework…" Yamato retorded easily, leaning back from his finished meal and put his hands behind his head.

"Who does homework when there are so many _better_ things to do?" the brunet shot back, genuinely confused.

The blond raised his eyebrows. "…Like…?"

"Well let's see… watch TV, eat, play football, sleep, eat… uh… _not doing homework…"_

Yamato and Sora glanced at each other and rolled their eyes.

* * *

"I did _not!_"

"Yeah you did! And then she couldn't even say a word! She just stood there, staring at the ground until they came back and picked her up."

The three friends were sitting in the hallway, not having class for the next twenty minutes. The two guys laughed at Sora, who was blushing.

"You don't get it! He was _so hot!_ I just went completely dumb."

"Sora has a crush on Haruhiko…"

"Shut up, Tai! It's not a crush, he's just… aw, come on, you've gotta admit he's gorgeous!"

"Yeah sure, he's so cute I just wanna eat him up!" Taichi said perkily.

"Tai, you're so gross…"

Taichi turned his attention to the blond teen. "What? I'm just telling the girl what she wants to hear! That's what friends are for, right?"

"And those muscles…" Sora continued with a dreamy face. "He must work out… "

"Hey, I work out too!" Taichi protested. Sora glanced at him. Then she looked at Yamato. He nodded, a bit reluctantly.

"He actually does."

Sora shrugged. "Well, it doesn't show anyway…"

"You just can't admit it! Look at this!" Taichi raised his arm and pulled the sleeve back to show his bicep.

Yamato rolled his eyes and Sora giggled.

"Go ahead –feel! Hard as rock!"

There were some girls at a table not far away, who were watching them. Sora felt his biceps –sure, he had _some _muscles, but not like Haruhiko.

"_Very impressing, Tai…_" she said sarcastically.

"I _know!_ " Taichi said happily and turned to Yamato. Sora shook her head, chuckling at his unawareness.

After having the brunet staring agogly at him for a few seconds, Yamato shot back a questioning glance. "What?"

"Feel!"

Yamato raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't think so…"

"Aw, come on! You know you want to…" Taichi wiggled his eyebrows and the girls who were watching them giggled. Yamato sighed and squeezed his upper arm a little.

"Pitiful", he smirked and the girls laughed at the brunet's expression.

"Like _you've _got any!" Taichi shot back, pouting.

"Maybe not, but at least I'm not bragging over nothing." his friend reasoned with a shrug.

"But Matt, you run, right?" Sora said over Taichi's shoulder. The blue-eyed teen nodded.

"And that was _so _my idea!" Taichi interrupted. The blond shrugged. "Yeah, he was kinda the one who dragged me into it. But it's great! I'm really starting to see results. In the beginning it was so painful and just way too exhausting…"

The girls at the table looked very interested by now. Yamato didn't seem to notice.

"…but then it actually started to get better –just like you said it would." Yamato continued, turning to Taichi.

More giggles were heard from the table, Taichi and Sora exchanged glances but then just shrugged it off and looked at Yamato again.

"Yeah, it does get better after a few weeks" Sora agreed. "I used to do it like a few months ago, but then I got tired of it."

"You should start again!" Yamato said enthusiastically "It's great!"

A guy sat down on a bench pretty near them, obviously bored and maybe curious of what they were talking about.

"Where do you do it?"

Taichi leaned back, not even bothering to answer since Yamato was already so into it.

"Well, sometimes it's on the beach and otherwise in the woods. Woods are best, less people." Yamato answered.

By now, Taichi noticed the guy on bench staring at them oddly. He looked away quickly when Taichi glanced back and the brunet turned his attention to Yamato again.

"So, how often?" Sora kept asking, pretty interested by the subject.

"Well, if Tai would've got to decide… every day" Yamato said and glared at Taichi. The girls gasped and the guy stared even more.

"He's absolutely crazy, he could go on for hours! I can't believe how he does it. I'm exhausted after like two minutes!"

-

"Hey, Eisaku, listen to this!" the guy on the bench said to his friend who was just coming back from his locker. Said boy stopped at the bench and sat down beside his friend.

"Listen to what?"

"Sch! Blondie over there."

Eisaku looked at where he was pointing. The guy with messy brown hear was glancing at the two of them, obviously aware of them looking at his friend.

More and more kids were listening now. Taichi was pretty sure of what the interesting thing was in Yamato and Sora's conversation.

"Someone told me it's easier if you listen to music."

"I do that, it's way better! First you start slow, right, so it doesn't really matter what music you play. But then in the end you speed up, so you _have _to have an energetic song. And Tai _always _speeds up, I can hardly keep up!"

That was it. Taichi cracked up before he could hold back. Yamato looked at him strangely.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked suspiciously. Taichi just shook his head. Yamato shrugged.

"Anyway… I'm getting better; at least I don't die every time. But in the end I almost feel like I'm gonna explode."

Taichi chuckled, shaking his head. Yamato glared at him.

"Seriously, what's _wrong _with you?"

"Aren't you gonna tell her how sweaty we get and then hit the showers afterwards as well?" Taichi asked with laughter in his voice.

Yamato narrowed his eyes. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Geez man, _look around!_"

Yamato did, and to his surprise he immediately met about twenty eyes, oddly staring back at him.

Even though he didn't know _why _they were staring at him, he could see in their eyes that he'd done something _really _embarrassing. He felt his face heat up and looked down at the floor. The worst part of it was that none of them looked away; the just kept staring and the whole hallway was completely silent. Taichi, who couldn't hold back his laughter anymore broke the silence.

"Matt, do you have _any idea _what you made it sound like?" Yamato glared at him. He had no idea what he was talking about, but he couldn't just say no. Sora started to giggle.

"It _did_ sound kinda suspicious…" she agreed. Yamato stared at her. _'What are they talking about?'_

"Start off slow… speed up at the end…? Every day...? At the beach…? Come on, I bet you never even mentioned the word 'running'!" Taichi grinned at him. Yamato stared back, totally confused. Sora was still giggling.

"And on top of all that you made it sound like it was all my idea!" Taichi said in a mock upset voice.

"What? It _was _your idea!" Yamato protested, confused beyond belief.

"Matt-"

"You're the one who dragged me out there! If you hadn't, I never would have started!"

The brunet threw his arms out. "Start _what, _Matt?"

Yamato was totally confused. Their audience were still staring at them, more curios than ever. Taichi put a hand on his shoulder.

"Look, _I _know what you're talking about, but they don't. Okay? Matt, you make it sound like we're…"

The audience held their breath. Yamato kept staring, still not getting it. Taichi trailed off, not exactly knowing how to continue. To his relief, Sora took over.

"…like you're fucking each other every day after school" she finished. Taichi's eyes went wide. Out of all people, he'd never think _she _would say something like that. It was completely silent for a few seconds. Then someone popped the question.

"Is it true?" A girl in dark brown hair asked.

The two best friends stared at her. The audience stared back.

"_No!" _Yamato blurted out, and made everyone jump. They glanced at each other, some looked hesitated, some disgusted and some just amused.

Yamato couldn't believe they'd even _think _that.

Taichi looked at them. To him, this situation was just funny. The weird part was that no one was laughing. They seemed to have taken it seriously. He glanced at Yamato who looked panicked. He knew the blond often cared a lot about what other people thought of him. If these kids started a rumour about the two of them, Yamato would be completely devastated.

'_God, how can they even think that! Me and Tai? That's just gross! Fuck, what was I thinking? And why was I talking so loud?' _

Yamato glared at Taichi.

'_He knew, but he didn't stop me. Why the hell didn't you stop me!' _

'_Oh, so now this is all my fault?_' Taichi mentally shot back, catching his accusing glare. _'Sorry Matt, but **you're **the one who didn't keep your mouth shut.' _

"Look, I was talking about _running_, okay? I'm _not _gay!" Yamato said, out loud this time.

Taichi sighed. '_Perfect, now he's getting desperate_'

"Matt, just drop it, okay? They know you're not gay. Besides, we have class now." Taichi got to his feet and dragged both him and Sora up.

"Let's go."

Their audience stared after them as they walked down the hall.

"Don't worry about it Matt, I don't think they took it that serious" Sora comforted him.

"Exactly. Just act cool, otherwise they'll think it was true" Taichi said in a low voice.

"I can't believe they… god, I'm so stupid." Yamato groaned, hanging his head.

His brown-eyed friend nodded in agreement. "You sure are, now let's go before we get late."

* * *

Taichi glanced at Yamato for like the tenth time on their way home. He wanted to break the silence, he wanted to cheer Yamato up and make everything as it was before. But there was nothing he could say. He couldn't turn back time. All he could do was hope that a more interesting rumour would show up and make everyone forget about Yamato's mistake.

"So… up for a run today?"

Awkward silence.

"That's not funny Tai," came a muttered reply that betrayed just how low his friend's spirit had sunk.

Taichi sighed. Yamato was cold as ice, it would take _weeks _before he'd recover from this.

"Matt, if you think about it, it's not that bad at all-" The brunet started, trying to come up with something that could've been worse.

"Yeah, you're right –just because the whole school thinks I'm screwing my best friend, my _male _best friend, doesn't mean I have the right to be upset! Of course not, how _stupid _of me!"

Taichi waited a few seconds. "Are you done?"

"No! My life is ruined!"

"Matt, will you just listen to me!" Taichi stopped and grabbed Yamato's arm, but he jerked it away.

"Don't _touch _me!"

"Oh for Christ sake-"

"No Tai, you don't understand! It's so _easy _for them to think I'm gay! I mean, look at me!"

Taichi sighed. "Matt-"

"I'm like _one step away _from being a girl! I have no self-esteem, I'm like afraid of everything, I'm weak, I'm skinny, I'm-"

"You're not skinny…" Taichi protested, scowling.

"Yes I am! And… I've never had a girlfriend." Yamato finished, fixing Taichi with his gaze as though he was daring him to come up with something that would save the blond from being what the kids at school thought.

Taichi sighed again. What was he supposed to say to that?

"Well… so? That doesn't mean you're gay." It didn't sound very convincing, but he knew that it was true -thinking otherwise was just sterotyping.

"Maybe not _technically, _but I'm still girly and… gay. In their eyes."

"No! Stop it! You're _not gay!"_ Taichi shouted. He became silent and hesitated a little before adding "Well… maybe you are, but that's none of my business…" he trailed off, noticing the other teen's widened eyes.

"_What? _Taichi, I'm _not _gay!" Yamato shouted offensivly.

"Okay, I was just… checking… I don't wanna judge before knowing. Anyone could be gay, you know?"

"But _I'm _not. I don't like guys, okay? It's disgusting…"

Taichi didn't answer. Why did he feel insulted every time Yamato said something like that? It wasn't like he said directly to _him, _that _he _was gross and would be a lousy boyfriend. But for some reason it felt like he did. Not that Yamatowas to decide that.

"You don't have to say that to me, _I'm _not accusing you of being gay."

Yamato sighed. "I know."

Taichi was quiet for a while. He wanted to ask his friend why he had such bad thoughts about gay people. Until now, he had been given the impression that the blond was a pretty open-minded guy. Maybe it was just the pressure from earlier.

"I don't think everyone is a homophobe anyway."

"Yeah, but most of them are. And the rest just follow the others, afraid to be different."

Taichi glanced at him. "Like you?"

Yamato was silent for a moment, slightly caught off guard.

"What do you mean?" he asked, trying to get away.

"If there was a gay guy in school… I mean for _real, _would you like talk shit behind his back and stuff?"

Yamato looked at him for a while, trying to figure out what his friend was trying to say.

"I wouldn't… talk behind his back or spread rumours or anything" Yamato started. "but I don't think I'd-"

"Argue. Right? If someone was trashing that person, you would just nod and agree."

"I… well… yeah?"

Taichi smirked. "Thought so."

His friend rolled his eyes. "And let me guess; you wouldn't."

"No," the brunet said simply.

"But that's who you are, Tai. You're the brave one. The goddamn hero."

"Or maybe I'm just not a homophobe. Like you." Taichi met his eyes and looked at him until Yamato looked away.

"I'm not a-"

"Yeah you are."

"It's not that I…" Yamato sighed. Taichi didn't say anything. They continued walking in silence.

"Tai?" Yamato spoke up after several minutes of awkwardness.

The brunet jumped when he heard Yamato's sudden voice.

"Yeah?"

"It's not that I have anything against homosexuals, I'm just afraid of conflicts, and I don't want to be different."

"Does different _have _to be bad? I mean, why spend your life trying to blend in? Don't you want anyone to ever notice you?"

Yamato shrugged. "If you stand out, there's a bigger chance that people don't like you." he tried.

"So what? There's _always _gonna be someone who doesn't like you. But that's their problem, not yours!"

"I know…"

"You know what everyone always will respect and admire?" Taichi asked suddenly. Yamato rolled his eyes. It was hard taking his friend seriously when he started preaching like this. Sure, right now he made a lot of sense, but Yamato was used to only take his friend's rambling with a bit of skepticism.

"No?"

"A person who doesn't give a fuck. Who doesn't care about what other people think. I mean, wouldn't you like rather be a guy who's kinda weird, stupid _but _not afraid to be himself, than a guy who's weirdstupidand_dont't_havethecuragetobehimself?" the brunet babbled, gesturing almost hysterically.

Yamato stared at him.

"What...? Tai, you've gotta _breathe _when you talk! How many times do I have to tell you? Breathe!"

The brown-eyed teen laughed. "Yeah… but you know what I'm saying, right?"

"Yeah, I know. And you're right. As usual." Yamato said dully.

Taichi looked satisfied and Yamato didn't bother telling him that hewas _still _terrified about people talking behind his back.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

"Hi Matt! What's up?" Sora greeted her friend happily. She sat down beside him on the bench, placed not far from their lockers. A grin was riveted on her face and she seemed detemened to not let it fall off. The blond, however, didn't seem all too happy.

"Nothing."

She shot him a quick glance. "Are you okay?"

"I guess."

Sora's smile suddenly turned into a worried frown so he forced a smile on his face.

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"Okay." She sighed in relief and he smiled to himself. It was so easy to satisfy people.

"So where's Tai?" Sora asked, changing the subject.

"He forgot his keys. _Again."_

"Oh. Shock."

"Yeah…"

She glanced at him, frowning at his distant yet empty expression. "Matt, I understand that this whole thing bothers you…"

He looked up in surprise. "Huh? What, I didn't even _say _anything!" he defended, not understanding why he was suddenly being attacked with a psychologist-line.

"Well no, but it's written all over your face." She stated, tilting her head.

He sighed in frustration. "Sora, seriously… if everyone in school thought that you and Mimi went home and had lesbian-sex every day after school, wouldn't _you_ freak out?"

"Nobody's judging you, Matt-"

"Yeah, no one except everyone that heard what I said yesterday. Plus those who've heard it by now. Someone has already written 'fag' all over my locker."

"Matt, it's just a stupid rumour; I'm sure something more interesting will show up soon and take away the attention."

He gave her a long look. "Sora trust me, nothing's more exciting than other people's personal stuff. Especially sexuality."

"And poor little Matty who doesn't even _have _a sexuality."

Yamato glared at Taichi, who'd just showed up. "Go fuck yourself."

Taichi blinked. "Without you? Are you sure?"

"_Tai! _People will _hear _you!" Yamato hissed.

"Uh... no they _won't, _cuz you're already late for class."

"What?" Yamato looked around. The three students were all alone in the hallway.

"Oh. Well… either way I'm not comfortable with you making jokes about that."

"Mhm, because you're unsure about your sexuality?" Taichi said in a typical psychologist-voice.

Sora laughed. Yamato stared at him.

"WHAT! _How can you even say that? Didn't I tell you I'm-?"_

"Yeah, let's go. We're gonna be late." Taichi smirked and started walking. Yamato looked ready to kill.

"_If anyone's fag here, it's you!"_

Taichi turned around. "Ouch. Man, you really broke my heart."

Sora looked at the two best friends. She wasn't that amused by this conversation anymore.

"I can't believe you said that" she said in a low voice.

"Matt would say _anything _about _anyone. _Just to fit in. I'm sure he'd talk behind my back if I were gay" Taichi gave Yamato an accusing glare. The blond glared back.

"Um… guys? C'mon, we better go." Sora pleaded. None of them listened to her.

"If I were you, I wouldn't be surprised if people talked behind my back already." the blond said, eyes cold.

"As for me people can think whatever they want. I don't go home and cry like a baby just because no one likes me." Taichi shot back.

"_Well maybe if you weren't such a bitch all the time…!"_

"If they think I'm a bitch, that's _their _problem."

"_So you're just gonna spend your whole life pissing people off?" _Yamato shouted.

"If that means being myself, then yes." Taichi said calmly.

"That's not being yourself, you weren't born to accuse people of being gay!"

"Well if you weren't so damn _paranoid-_"

"I'm _not _paranoid!" Yamato yelled.

"GUYS!" Sora shouted, making the two pissed off teens shut up in surprise. "Can you at least wait until lunch break or something? We're gonna be _late_!"

"Fine." Taichi turned around and headed for his locker.

"_Fine." _The blond headed for his locker. Sora sighed and followed her two friends.

* * *

Sora's pov 

Five minutes left of the lesson. I'm not really looking forward to lunch today. Matt and Tai haven't talked since their fight this morning. And in five minutes we're gonna have lunch. No, four.

Anyway, I'm not gonna stand it if they start again. They've been friends forever, and they almost never fight. Well... of course they _fight, _but now they're hurting each other's _feelings_. That's worse.

This is freaky.

"Okay class, I think we'll end it here for today. Don't forget to write down the homework. Have a nice lunch."

I look around the dining-hall, searching for them. Suddenly I see Tai's giant hair. I start walking towards his table. I notice Koushiro sitting next to Tai, and this other guy I've seen around but never really talked to. Then I realise that Matt's not sitting at that table. I look around again. I spot his blond hair at the other end of the hall. Weird. Then I see that he's sitting alone. I turn around and walk across the floor and sit down beside him.

"Hey" I say and try to see if he's upset or something. But his dull face doesn't show any emotion.

"Hey." he mutters, voice just as dull as the look on his face.

"What's up?" I continue in a cherry voice.

"Not much."

"Okay. So… where's Tai?"

He sighs softly. "You can stop now, Sora."

"Stop what?" I ask, not liking how incredible fake my "happy" voice is sounding.

"Pretending that we didn't fight this morning."

I sigh and give up. No use there, right?

"So for how long are you two gonna avoid each other?" I ask, changing my strategy.

He shrugs. I frown.

"Are you gonna be like this all the time from now on?"

He looks at me. "What?"

"You know… down?"

"I'm just tired, okay? Drop it." He looks back at his food, letting me know the conversation is over.

I sigh and start eating. I'm not gonna stand this for very long. Why do they have to drag _me _into it? And where the _hell_ is Mimi? I need a happy person right now.

* * *

Taichi's pov 

Yes, finally lunch! Thought this lesson would _never _end. Damn, I'm hungry…

I jump to my feet and grab all my books and storm out of the classroom. History isn't one of my favourite subjects. I open my locker and throw in my books. Then I quickly close it before anything falls out. It took a while to learn, but now I never fail. Although I haven't found a way to handle this when I _open _my locker. But I will. I definitely will...

Automatically I hesitate before I go to lunch. But then I remember that _Yamato_ –that bitch- is definitely notworth the wait, so I continue impassively down the hall on my way to lunch.

_Thank god_ for Koushiro! To tell you the truth, besides Matt I don't have that many close friends. I was just lucky to spot the redhead sitting in the middle of the dining-hall.

"Hey Izzy! What's up?" He jerks his head up and looks at me like I'm an alien or something. Then he smiles.

"Hey."

I sit down beside him. "So how're you doin'?"

"Good. Haven't seen you for a while."

"Yeah, well… you know. Where's Joe?" I ask, not really knowing what else to say. I personally _hate_ it when people ask where Matt is as soon as they take a look at me. Joe is Koushiro's best friend. He's two years older than him, but they've got a lot in common.

"He's got math right now, will be eating later."

"Hey Izzy! Oh, hey Taichi!" Ken sits down opposite me. He's one of Izzy's friends as well. Also a computer geek. (A/N: This is _my_ story and in my story Ken _is_ _a computer geek, dammit!_ Okay? Good).

"Hey Ken."

"So where's Matt?"

* * *

Yamato's pov 

I can't help feeling lonely when I see him talking to Ken and Koushiro. Where the hell is Sora? I should've waited for her. But I didn't want to talk to Tai. He's so incredibly stubborn! And he doesn't even _try_ to understand me. Instead of supporting, he makes bad jokes and teases me. That's what I was expecting from _others, _not _him_. Jerk. Oh, there she is. But… what the hell? Why is she walking towards them? Is she gonna abandon me too? Great!

I look away and out the window instead. Why do I care? I don't need them. They're all idiots anyway. Why would I have to put up with a bunch of idiots?

"Hey!"

I don't bother looking up. _Feeling guilty now, are we? _

"What's up?"

_Oh, nothing, just that my best friend has abandoned me and that I'm all alone and the whole school thinks I'm gay…_"Not much."

"Okay. So… where's Tai?" _Oh for Christ's sake…_

"You can stop now, Sora."

"Stop what?"

I seriously feel like hitting her in the head. "That we didn't fight this morning."

She sighs. _Yeah that's it, throw away that happy face and deal with it. _

"So for how long are you two gonna avoid each other?"

I shrug._ Oh I don't know, just for the rest of my life or something like that… _

She frowns. "Are you two gonna be like this all the time from now on?"

"Like what?" _What do you mean 'like this'?_

"You know, down?" _Geez man, let it go! You make it sound like I've been like this for months!_

"I'm just tired, okay? Drop it."

She sighs and starts eating. I glance at her. It's not like it's _her_ problem, why is she so pissed?

* * *

Sora's point of view 

God, guys can be such… _girls_ sometimes! They still haven't spoken a word to each other and this is the last lesson for today. Why can't they just grow up?

I reach my hand up and catch my teacher's attention.

"Yes, Sora?"

"May I use the bathroom please?"

"Yes you may."

I rise to my feet and walk out the classroom. The hall is pretty much empty. Right now Tai would be having music and Matt's got biology. I'm stuck with history. It sucks. All though the teacher likes me so I don't really have to pay that much attention. Sometimes being a girl kicks ass!

I reach the girls' bathroom within a few minutes and it's just as empty as the hallway.

---

As I flush the toilet and open the stall again, I can see my reflection in the mirror.

Whoa, I look like somebody died or somethin'… Guess it's just because of Matt and Tai. I can't help it. I know they fight a lot –basically because Matt is really moody and Tai's so stupid- but somehow they always manage to forgive each other –after a few punches.

This is different. This is serious shit they've gotten into.

I start washing my hands when I suddenly hear an argument from the other side of the wall. Someone's yelling in the boys' bathroom. Or rather a very pissed off blond. Yes, of course recognise Matt's voice. Who wouldn't? I shut the water off and listen intensively. I can't hear what he's saying, but he sounds really upset. Then I hear someone answering with the same pissed tone.

Tai.

I still can't hear what they're arguing about but I can guess –I'm not _that _stupid… Matt shouts a few more things and then he suddenly stops. I hold my breath, waiting for any noise. Then I can't take it anymore. I've _gotta _now what's going on! What if Tai killed him! Okay, I think I'm freaking out a little… calm down, Sora, Matt's not dead… he probably just… stopped talking?

I sneak out of the girls' bathroom, relived to see that no one's in the hall. Still.

There's still no sound from the guys' bathroom, so I sneak up to the door –trying not to make any sounds at all- and peak my head inside.

Oh my.

Well, at least Matt's not dead. He seems more than fine to me. He actually seems a bit… excited.

Seriously, I've never witnessed such a heavy make-out in my entire life! Well, maybe on TV, but not for _real_… okay, there was that one time, but… not between two _guys! _

I watch the make-out scene for a while with a smile on my lips, trying to come up with a way to take advantage this situation. Blackmail? Meh, should've brought a camera… you never know what you're gonna witness in a school's bathroom.

Matt is almost lying on the sink with Tai all –yes, ALL- over him.

I really hope they'll get embarrassed when they find out that they've got an audience.

They'll blush (at least Matt will) and jump away from each other, both trying to come up with an explanation.

It's funny how I just _know _what my two male friends would do if I caught them making out. Is life really that predictable? I mean, how the hell would I know _that?_

Man, they're really into it. Think I better interrupt soon before they do it –in a school's bathroom, where _anyone _could walk in on them!

Both of them seem more than willing to. I'm actually getting pissed right now. Minutes ago Matt was so damn paranoid and afraid of people thinking he's gay -and now… well, now _anyone_ could get that proved.

I take a deep breath and clear my throat, trying to get the attention. They don't hear me (the kissing-noises, moans and panting are too loud) so I do it again. This time I get a reaction. Two pair of dizzy, pleasure filled and wondering eyes are looking at me. I smirk, amused to know that any second they'll freak.

* * *

Yamato's pov 

I _hate_ biology. The clock is obviously not working since it doesn't _move _and I just can't seem to stop yawning. I wanna sleep, but it's too loud in here and the teacher would just ask me a question I wouldn't know the answer to and then accuse me for Not Paying Attention.

What was it we were working with? Can't even remember.

I raise my hand.

"Yes?" The teacher says immediately, hoping that I might have an answer to why the _bla bla_ needs the _bla bla bla_ so that the _bla bla_ can_ bla_… Wouldn't count on it…

"May I use the bathroom?" I say in the most polite way I can muster. The teacher wrinkles his forehead and looks at me for a long time before he sighs and mutters that I'm excused.

"Thanks'" I say as I make my way out of the classroom. OutsideI almost bump into a student, who quickly disappears behind me. Weird. The hallway is empty. I head for the bathroom, not knowing where else to go. Wouldn't wanna be caught for skipping class now would we?

----

I'm washing my hands, like I've actually used the bathroom. Not that I need to; the bathroom is just as empty as the hall. I just like washing my hands. I like the feeling. I know that sounds weird, sad and a bit kinky but everybody has got a weird habit, right?

I almost cry out when someone pulls the door open and steps inside. I'm _really _grateful I didn't, but I jumped and gasped. Well, guess you can't expect too much, huh? I look back down at my hands and for about ten seconds I actually think it's someone I don't know. Then I turn to walk out.

Tai stands there, leaning against the sink, looking at me. He looks challenging –like he's waiting to see if I'm going to run out or if I'm gonna say something. I stand there for a while, thinking. On one hand, I want to ignore him 'cause that's my first instinct when I'm pissed at someone. On the other hand, I wanna say something mean, something sharp. But I can't think of anything. Now I've already looked at him for several seconds, I can't just start ignoring him _now_.

"Do you want something?" Okay, neither sharp nor mean, but it's letting him know I don't feel like wasting any time on him.

Tai continues to look at me, smirking. "What? Are you afraid someone's gonna see you here with me –in the boys' bathroom? Now _that _would be a scandal!"

I roll my eyes without even thinking. "Spare me. I've got better, more interesting things to do. Biology with Mr I'm Too Old For This Shit But I Need The Money So I'm Stuck With You Brats And Don't Even Think That You're Gonna Pass."

"Well, that sounds great."

I don't answer. When I move to walk out of there, he gets in my way, which makes me stop right at the spot. I'm not surprised, but it's _really_ getting on my nerves.

* * *

Taichi's pov 

"What are you, _10?_ Get out of my way!"

"So you're still pissed, huh?" I ask, knowing he's gonna snap any second.

He throws his arms out. "I'm thrilled, now GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!"

I continue smirking; knowing this just pisses him off even more. He _hates_ it when people don't take him seriously. Especially when he's dead serious. Anytime now he's gonna push me. Or hit me, whatever he finds most satisfying.

"Tai," he finally says in a calm, almost soft voice. "I don't have time for this. Let it go."

I frown. Not only because I was wrong, but also because he's not yelling anymore. Which means he's not pissed, just _tired_ of me. But I'm not giving up on this. We're gonna talk and that's final.

"Why? So that you can run away from this? Like you do with everything else? You've gotta learn to _deal _with stuff, Matt!"

He looks at me, blinking in surprise. Blinking twice… 3…2…1…

"DON'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAN'T DEAL WITH THINGS THE RIGHT WAY! YOU ALWAYS MESS EVERYTHING UP! SO DON'T YOU _FUCKING _TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

That's it...

"WHO THE HELL'S GONNA TELL YOU WHAT TO DO IF I DON'T! YOU JUST CAN'T ADMIT THAT YOU'RE NOT ABLE TO DEAL WITH SHIT! WELL GUESS WHAT! SHIT HAPPENS, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!"

Damn. Why does a screaming blond always make me yell right back? I was supposed to have the _control_. And now I've already lost it.

"YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING AND I DON'T KNOW SHIT! I HAVE A BRAIN YOU KNOW, SO STOP TRYING TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO OR WHAT I'M THINKING CUZ YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE MY HEAD! AND LET ME TELL YOU-"

Shut him up, Tai, shut him up, shut him up, _shut. Him. UP!_

"…THIS, TAI, YOU'RE NOT MY FUCKING DAD OR MOM OR WHAT THE HELL IT IS YOU THINK YOU ARE, SO YOU CAN JUST TAKE ALL YOU GODDAMNED OPINIONS AND SHOVE THEM UP YOUR-"

He yelps in surprise and I swear to God I'm not any less shocked than he is. I mean I certainly didn't plan to do that. I didn't suddenly get all romantic while he was screaming his head off, thinking 'wow, those lips looks so soft… I wonder what…' No.

I guess it's just because I've kinda got this reflex that always causes me to (automatically) do stuff that pops up into my head –which could be practically _any_thing. So I could've punched him just as well. Or turn on my heel and walk away. Or poke his stomach. Or… well, you get the picture.

This time, however, the idea of kissing him popped up in my head and so I did, much to my own surprise.

But hey, I shut him up didn't I?


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Nope. Still don't own digimon, but I'll let you know when the time has come.**

**Warnings: Hee hee... well, it's kinda obvious isn't it?**

**All right, here we go... **

**Chapter three**

Yamato's point of view

I push him away and stare at him, speechless for a few seconds. Then the most natural question pops up in my head and I'm just about to scream '_What the hell are you doing!' _when he pulls me in and attacks me again. This time I'm too stunned to even push him away.

So I just stand there, trying to figure out what I possibly could've said to make him think that he could just…

Maybe it's because I was about to say something about his ass…? Did I lead him on by that?

This is so incredibly screwed up! I mean… well, I don't believe I even have to mention the _first _reason why it's so wrong; it's pretty damn obvious. But second of all, even if I _was _gay, he's not my type! I mean, how could you ever expect me to date a guy who can't even take care of his own _hair?_ And third, (as if those reasons aren't enough) he my _best friend. _Okay, that might sound a little ironic coming from me just after my little… ahem, outburst, –but he _is, _and best friends _cannot_ date each other.

So I have every right to freak!

Alright, maybe it could have been worse (could've been someone ugly) and yes, maybe he's not that bad of a kisser… and… perhaps I don't _hate _the feeling of his strong arms around my waist…

What was my point again…?

_No!_ No Matt, get a grip! This is Tai! _Tai _is_ making out _with you! Don't you_ dare _tell me you like it!

* * *

Tai's pov

I don't mean to sound cocky, but I think Blondie here actually likes it. Who would've thought?

I'm not saying I don't, cuz… well, if I _didn't _then I would've stopped by now. Yeah, I have weird reflexes but I _can _control myself…

So you might wonder why I _don't _stop. To tell you the truth I'm not too sure. I _am _enjoying this, but… Matt is really gonna freak out about this. He's not really the type of friend you can make out with whenever you feel like…um, I mean _if _you would feel like. Fuck, what am I _doing? _

Ah screw it. It's too late for regrets now, right? And besides, Matt's gonna freak just as much over a seven seconds-kiss as a… wait, how long has it been?

The brunet shrugs and continues with his actions (mainly because Yamato doesn't make any signs on pushing him away, so –according to Taichi- there's not really any good reason for him to stop). After a while the blond even starts to respond to the kiss, placing his arms a bit awkwardly around his friend's neck and spreading his lips slightly. He doesn't have to ask twice before Taichi slowly enters his mouth –mostly out of curiosity- and starts to explore. Yamato soon follows his actions.

After a few seconds, this little innocent kiss starts turning into a rather hot make-out season. Both boys find themselves enjoying this (perhaps just a little more than what's appropriate in a school's bathroom).

In just three or four seconds they've made their way over to the sink, possibly -incredibly stupid as it may sound- considering to use this to take things further…on.

Oblivious to a certain redhead watching them, Taichi gets more and more obsessed with trying to get noises out of the blond. He does quite a good job; soon learning that straddling his hips with both hands while teasingly grinding against him gets the best results. Yamato puts his hands onto the sink for support, gasping when he feels Taichi pressing his lower body against him. Taichi is now stroking his hands all over Yamato's chest, down to his hips and around to the blonde's back. Finding the firm rounding on the back of Yamato's pants, he squeezes him gently, grinding harder. Yamato moans and moves his hips along with him, losing all control when he hears the brunet groan.

Someone clears their throat, getting both boys' attention. They look up, being greeted by Sora standing in the doorway, with a smirk on her face. After a while, her smirk changes into a frown.

Now she looks pissed.

Taichi snaps back to reality and jumps away from Yamato, running a hand through his hair nervously.

Yamato's blushing, having a hard time finding a safe spot to look at.

"What the hell were you guys thinking?" Sora shouts suddenly, making both of them jump. Then she realises what she just asked and her face changes from pissed into slightly disgusted. "Ew, no don't answer that…"

Short silence.

Then Taichi decides to take first initiative to explain. "Um… we... I…um…" is the successful start. Then he sighs deeply and hangs his head. "I attacked him."

Sora raises an eyebrow. All though she isn't surprised to hear that Taichi had made the first move (not surprised at all) she hadn't expected him to just admit it like that.

"Tai, that's… that's not what I meant," she says softly, not liking the guilty look upon the brunet's face.

"What I meant was, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU GUYS THINKING? Do you even realise _anyone _could've walked in on you? Why can't you just think with your _heads_, instead of your-"

"_Okay, _we get it!" Taichi interrupts, glaring at her. This is starting to feel a lot like being caught by his _mother. _Yes, it had been risky and _yes, _they were stupid but she can at least understand a _little _how Yamato must feel like right now! Taichi himself is afraid of even _looking_ at him. He knows that whether Yamato blames him or himself or both of them he will most definitely beat himself up about it.

Sora sighs, crossing her arms over her chest. "Fine. But you should be pretty damn glad it was _me _who caught you eating each other's faces. I mean you could at least have done it in one of the stalls!"

"This wouldn't even have happened, if Taichi hadn't fucking _attacked _me" Yamato mutters.

'Oh great, now we're back to first name-callings.' Taichi thinks to himself and rolls his eyes. Last time Yamato had used his whole name was before Taichi'd become his friend –when they were rivals and Yamato was cold as ice, not letting _any_one get close.

"I wanted to shut you up, and so I did." Taichi answers simply, not even looking at him.

"Well, you could've found an other fucking way to shut me up! And the reason I was yelling in the first place was because _you _came in here just to start bitching!"

"So I can't even use the damn _bathroom? _It's not like I knew you were here! And I didn't even kiss you on purpose, it was a-"

"Oh, let me guess; a _reflex? _Right! That's what you said after you'd punched that guy –_twice_ as big as you- after he'd called you a loser. You were unconscious for five minutes, got a black eye _and _house arrest for a _week! _And what about the time when you-"

"Would you just _shut up!" _Sora exclaims. "You not solving anything!And don't get me wrong; I'm not expecting you to do that right now. But for Christ's sake, don't make it _worse!_"

"Fine" Taichi mutters, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry, okay?"

Yamato snorts. "Fuck you"

"Fine"

"_Fine!"_

"_GUYS! _Stop it!" Sora shakes her head, pretty sick of the two of them by now. "Let's just get back to class, all right? Before anyone suspects anything."

The blond snorts again. "Why bother? Bet there's already a new rumour of us having threesome" he mutters bitterly.

"Yeah, and that would make me a slut, so let's get out of here" Sora repeats, looking over her shoulder.

"It would also make Matt bisexual, and we can't let _that _happen, can we?" Taichi ads.

"Shut up, Yagami!"

"Well, one step down from being gay, right?" Sora responds with a shrug.

"I'm _straight! _Sora, not you too!"

The redheaded girl shakes her head. "Well, after witnessing _that_ I'm not so sure anymore… you can't exactly blame me"

Yamato growls, not knowing what to answer. He's not too fond of the subject. That was a _mistake, _they couldn't just expect him to explain himself just minutes after! He's way too confused...

"Well, we better get going" Sora says again, turning around and checking the hallway carefully.

"Empty…let's go!"

_&&&&&&&&&&&_

"That took quite a while, don't you think?" Mrs Suzuki, the music-teacher says as Taichi enters the music hall. His classmates look up at him, smirking. Taichi scratches his head and grins a little.

"Yea. Well, uh… I kinda got locked in one of the stalls, n'…"

A few students snicker, shaking their heads. Taichi will never lose his crown as the worst lair in the entire world.

"…so I had to jump over the door, but then I hit my head and fainted…"

"Just go to your seat, Taichi" the teacher sighs. The brown-headed teen shrugs and heads for his seat, ignoring the others giggles.

_&&&&&&&&&&&_

"10 minutes?" Mr Takahashi says sceptically, aching an eyebrow. Sora smiles and puts on an innocent face.

"I ran into Mr Saitou and he wanted to talk about some of the tests we've been doing this term. I didn't have the heart to interrupt him."

Her teacher smiles, making half of his class roll their eyes. "I see. Well, get to your seat, we were just about to start on the-"

And that's were Sora tunes him out.

_&&&&&&&&&&&_

"You're _late._"

"I'm sorry, Mr Watanabe" Yamato replies half-heartedly, heading for his seat.

"Care to explain why, Mr Ishida?" The teacher continues, not letting this one slip.

The blond stops, seemingly considering it. "No?"

None of his classmates is surprised. This is a rather common conversation between Yamato and Mr Watanabe, a conversation the other students are pretty sick of. But it's better than class, so they keep their mouths shut.

"I suggest you do, unless you desperately want detention."

Yamato glares, not answering. Not because he desperately wants detention, but because he's too tired to think about manners and he doesn't really want to reveal his and Taichi's make-out in the boys' bathroom.

"I didn't exactly hurry, and I guess I lost track of time. I don't really have a good excuse, Mr Watanabe"

The teacher shakes his head. "That's too bad. Well, I guess I should congratulate, Mr Ishida. You just got yourself a detention."

* * *

"Tripped and fainted, huh?" Koushiro says amused as the students leave the music hall.

Taichi shrugs and grins. "Whatever."

"So what were you really up to?" the redhead asks, looking at him suspiciously.

"Skipped class, happy now?" Taichi mutters.

"Yagami Taichi!"

The brunet stops and turns around, looking confused. "Yes?"

His teacher stands there, hands on her sides, looking very pissed for being the usually happy music-teacher. "I'll have to give you detention, Taichi. Skipping 10 minutes of class and then trying to _lie_ about it is unacceptable!"

"But Mrs Suzuki-"

"No buts, Taichi"

The brunet sighs, "Yeah, yeah…" He shoots Koushiro a glare; said boy shrugs and grins sheepishly.

"You'll be in-"

"…room 68, I know. How long this time? The usual?"

His teacher sighs. "Taichi, if you'd just _admit_ it when you're skipping class, things would be a lot easier." She pauses. "Of course you can just _stay in class _altogether, but I suppose that's way too much to ask, huh?" She smirks, slowly returning to her normal self.

The brown-eyed student smiles hesitatingly. "I'll see what I can do."

* * *

"Can things get any worse?" Yamato mutters to himself, glaring at the notebook on his desk. He's been told to read a certain number of pages –too many pages mind you, and then summering them altogether. He's not aloud to go before he's done, which means he has to actually _do _it as well. The pages are about what Mr Watanabe had been rambling about in class, and of course "if Mr Ishida would've paid attention in class instead of skipping, this would be perfectly easy!"

His babysitter is reading some book by his desk, not moving an inch. Yamato hopes he'll just fall asleep, so that he can sneak out. But of course that'll just lead to another detention...

After observing the substitute for a moment, he goes back to glaring at his notebook. He jumps a little when the sub speaks. Not to _him, _however.

"Ah, finally! Yagami Taichi, is it? I see you can't even make it on time for your _detention. _No wonder they're all sick of you."

Taichi is quiet for a while, standing in the doorway. He observes the sub suspiciously, obviously wondering who the hell he is.

"Wow. You're nice." The brunet shakes his head, quite amazed. Then he smiles. "Well, I guess I shouldn't be the rude one, -Yagami Taichi, nice to meet you. I'm truly sorry I'm late, now where's my punishment?"

"Right there on the desk, and I expect you guys _not _to bother me. Because of you two I have to work overtime, plus I've got an extreme headache. And you're not aloud to speak anyway." the sub ads as an afterthought.

At this point, Taichi has noticed Yamato and is now walking toward his own desk, not taking his eyes off the blond.

"Hey."

Silence. Yamato continues to glare at his notebook.

Taichi sits down in his chair. "Why _I'm _here? Well you see, I tried to come up with an excuse but Mrs Suzuki didn't believe me. And then…" Taichi frowns, remembering whose fault this had been in the first place. "…then _Koushiro _asks me what I was doing during those ten minutes and I said I'd skipped class. And she heard and got pissed. What about you?"

"Kid, are you _deaf? _I said you aren't aloud to speak!"

Taichi looks up. "Oh. Sorry, my bad." He grins and the sub rolls his eyes. Taichi glances at his books, sighs and then looks back at Yamato.

"You pissed off Mr Watanabe, didn't you?"

"Not my fault he's so bitter." The blond mutters. "I said I forgot the time, and I apologised even! He's such a hard-ass."

The brunet snickers as the sub slams his book down and glares at them. "OK, _you-" _he points at Taichi, narrowing his eyes. "You go sit there, got it? And then you _shut up!" _

Taichi smiles at him and stands up. "Of course." He bows deeply, making Yamato smirk as the sub starts to turn red with anger.

"Just do as I say!"

Taichi walks over to the desk the sub has pointed out for him, which is placed on the other side of the classroom -as far away from Yamato as possible-, bringing his books with him. He sits down, shifting a little before sinking back and stretching his legs out underneath the desk. He places his books on the desk and rests his arms on each side.

"Anything else?" he asks, voice dropping an octave, and his brown orbs burying themselves into the sub's light blue ones, giving him a seducing look.

Yamato can't help but grin this time, looking back and forward between them. Taichi just never knew when to stop.

To the brunet's delight the sub blushes. But he quickly shakes it off and glares at the annoying student. "If you continue to disrespect me I'm going to have to give you another detention. Is that understood?" his voice is dangerously close to the edge, and Taichi decides to let him be. He's had enough fun for today.

"Alright, I'll stop."

He starts opening his books and grabs a pen from his pocket. The sub returns to his book and the room finally goes silent.

However, the second their babysitter's eyes leaves him, Taichi turns his head and grins at Yamato.

(This sucks!)

The blue-eyed boy reads his lips and rolls his eyes.

(No shit?)

Taichi gives the sub a glance and looks back at his friend, wiggling his eyebrows.

(Hot?)

Yamato could see from Taichi's questioning expression that he was asking for his opinion. With a blank look on his face, he gives Taichi the finger. The brunet cracks up and the sub once again goes mad.

"What am I supposed to do to shut you up?" he yells, losing his temper.

"Duct tape works." Yamato mutters from the other side of the classroom, smirking. Taichi shivers at the memory.

"Dude, that was _so_ mean! I thought you were gonna rip my fucking skin off after that!"

The blond shrugs innocently. "It shut you up, didn't it? Not my fault you're incapable of doing that by yourself."

"I see you've got some problems in that area as well," the sub states warningly, shooting Yamato a glare. The blond in turn responds with a glare colder than ice.

Taichi puts his chin in his hand, turning his attention to the man in front of them. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you do seem to be more desperate of leaving than we are. Hell, we could stay here all night! Isn't that right Matt?"

Said boy nods in agreement, smirking. "Yepp."

The sub sinks back into his chair, glaring at both of them. "What I want has nothing to do with what I'm _doing. _And if this means I'm gonna have to stay here all night then so be it. It's my duty. Now get to work cuz you're not leaving until you're done."

"Can I go to the bathroom?" Taichi asks.

The sub stares at him. "You're kidding, right? Do you think I'm stupid?"

"Uh, no?" Taichi replies in a _where-the-hell-did-you-get-_that-_from?_ sort of way.

"Then do your fucking work and stop bothering me!"

"But I gotta-"

"No you don't."

Taichi sighs deeply. "If I read like two pages of this crap, will you let me visit the bathroom?" The sub cocks an eyebrow, glancing at him.

"Make it three."

"Aw _man! _You're so cruel!" the brownheaded teen exclaims, laughing inside.

The substituted teacher smirks. "That's my job."

* * *

Yamato enters the bathroom quietly, shutting the door behind him. Taichi jumps out from one of the stalls and do a sort of victory-dance before giving him a high five.

Yamato smirks at his geeky friend and then gives him a serious look. "We gotta hurry, okay? Think he's back in the classroom now. Soon he's gonna start running around."

Taichi nods, still wearing a wicked grin and peeks out from the girls' bathroom. Without a word he runs out, and darts off through the hall. Yamato soon follows him, in a slightly slower speed than the football-player.

They reach their lockers where they grab their jackets and schoolbags, and then storm out. Finally reaching the schoolyard, and out of hearing distance, Taichi lets out his victory-bawl.

"YEAH BABY! WE RULE!" He jumps around Yamato, cheering over their successful escape. Yamato rolls his eyes.

"Alright, alright, he just might _hear_ us, you know."

Taichi shakes his head, grinning like a mad man. "Nu-uh. I CAN BE AS LOUD AS I WANT AND THERE'S NO WAY HE'S EVER G-"

Yamato covers his best friend's big mouth with his hand. "Want me to bring out the duct tape again?"

Taichi just looks at him, no signs on trying to speak. Then suddenly something wet reaches Yamato's hand and he pulls it back with a disgusted yell. "What the hell! Dude you're so _gross!" _Taichi shrugs and grins.

"Reflexes, ya know?"

Yamato looks at his hand, miserable. Then he glares at Taichi. "I don't care what the hell that was, just keep your fucking tongue away from me!"

Silence.

Several comebacks are hanging in the air but are never spoken. Taichi is stupid, but he's not _that_ stupid. Bringing up the "accident" again will only make things worse.

They start walking home.

"You know you liked it." Taichi replies, contenting himself with that half-hearted comeback.

"In your dreams, Yagami" is the rather obvious reply from the blond. Taichi stops and stares at him, looking shocked.

"Who told you about my dreams?"

Yamato shakes his head, grinning. They start walking again, looking ahead of them. Yamato gives Taichi a quick glance and they look at each other for like a second before focusing on the ground before them.

"Wait…" Yamato says after a while, a thought hitting him suddenly.

"What?"

"How come _Sora _didn't get detention?" Yamato says, frowning.

The brunet sighs, shaking his head. "Girls…"

Yamato nods his head thoughtfully. "Yeah. Didn't she have history? With Mr Takahashi?"

"Well, _that _explains everything" Taichi says, smirking. "He sure likes those pretty girls." He laughs bitterly. "And the guys he treats like shit."

Yamato hesitates, frowning. Taichi looks at him. "What?"

"He's not _that_ bad, though. Is he?"

Taichi looks confused for a few seconds, but then his face lit up and he smirks. "He's treating you well, huh?"

"Wha… well, he…"

The brunet snorts. "Figures."

Yamato looks at his brown-headed friend strangely. "What do you mean?"

Taichi shrugs, keeping his eyes ahead of them. "You're the pretty-boy." he says, a matter of factly.

"What! No I'm not! What, you think he's…? No fucking way!"

Taichi grins at him, quite amused by his friend's reaction. "Way."

"How does he treat you? Does he spank you whenever you say the wrong answer?"

Taichi snorts, shaking his head. "I wish!"

Yamato aches an eyebrow and Taichi realises what he just said, blushing slightly. "Not like that okay! I mean… he's _evil._ He bullies me! And the only students he's nice to are the pretty girls and -apparently- the pretty boys." Taichi says, sounding like he told his friend the secret of the universe.

"But you're a pretty boy too, Tai…" Yamato tries, not able to hold back a grin. Soon he laughs his head off, with a rather annoyed Taichi watching him.

"I'm… I'm sorry…" The blond says between laughter. "It's just…that just sounded so incredibly stupid!"

He starts laughing again.

'Yea. Because he's not pretty.' A little voice inside Yamato's mind tells him.

'_Yes, he i…' _

'Shut up!'

"May not be _pretty _but that doesn't mean I'm not totally hot! Now _that's_ what the ladies want!" His friend argues, walking beside him.

'Tai is _not _pretty. He might be good-looking, but… wait, what!' Yamato shakes his head, trying to ignore his thoughts.

"Earth to Matt? You in there?"

The blond looks up. "Huh? Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking."

Taichi instantly looks curious. "About…? _Oh, _Mr Takahashi, right? Yeah, he's a babe."

Yamato punches his arm, glaring. "You never get sick of those gay-jokes, do you?"

Taichi throws his arms out, giving him an innocent look. "They just keep coming! Not my fault…" Taichi glances at him. "Just because _you're _so damn uptight all the time… Want me to pull that stick out of your ass for you?"

Yamato stops in middle of the road, giving him a death-glare. "The fucking stick up my ass just happens to be _you, _Yagami!" he shouts at the brunet standing in front of him. Before his friend can come up with a stupid comeback, he continues: "Yeah, I know; _ha, ha _–but I'm fucking serious! Will you just stop making fun of me! I don't like it, and I'm not comfortable so why can't you just fuck off!"

Taichi's silly grin disappears and he sighs deeply. "Matt it's only-"

"Don't give me that! '_It's only jokes, I was just kidding!' _That's not enough! If you gotta tease me then find something else to make jokes about! Tease me about my hair! Or about how I suck at football! Or-"

"Your pink apron?" Taichi asks, snickering. Then he gets serious again and shakes his head. "I'm sorry. For all of it." His brown gaze hits the ground. "Sorry for teasing you and accusing you of being gay," he pauses, looking up again. "…although I didn't realise I did, okay? I mean I was just _checking, _y'know?"

Yamato remains silent and Taichi stares at the asphalt again. "Okay whatever... anyhow I'm sorry for that. And for..." Taichi pauses, searching for the right word. Then he gives up and chooses the one Yamato had preferred to use in the first place. "... for attacking you. Sorry. It's just… I… it feels like you're just denying everything. And it's frustrating for me! I mean when that happened…" The brown-eyed teen looks up, meeting Yamato's gaze. "Who knows what we'd done if Sora hadn't-"

"I would've stopped you, Tai." Yamato interrupts flatly. "I didn't like it. I'll never like kissing guys. And it's not just because I'm afraid of what people think, but because I just… _don't._"

Taichi looks at his blue-eyed friend for a while, seeing so much more in those eyes than his words are carrying. But he doesn't say anything. He just nods.

"Okay."

Yamato blank face fades away and he raises his eyebrows, looking surprised. "What?"

Taichi smiles faintly at his best friend's reaction. "Okay" he repeats, although he knows that Yamato heard him the first time. The blue-eyed boy stares at him, not knowing what to say. All this time he's been trying to get that into Taichi's thick skull, and now that it has finally sunk in, it fees like he has... lost something.

The two teens continue to stand there, gazing at each other. One of them wondering why he feels so empty all of a sudden; the other one wondering if he has just made the right choice.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: please look at the other chapters, cuz I don't like to repeat myself**

**warnings: boy on boy loving -don't like, don't read! No one's forcing you**

**Chapter 4**

Wednesday, 12.52 P.M.

Yamato studied the green, non-smelling goo on the plate. Was that food?

How could that _possibly _be food? It looked… very uneatable.

"So what's _your _definition of the perfect goal, smartass?" An annoyed brunet snapped at their redheaded friend over the table. His voice was just one out of over a hundred voices that was filling the dining-hall, giving Yamato a headache.

"Give me a break, I just said maybe you should quit bragging for one second and _shut up! _I'm trying to have a nice, quiet meal here._" _Came the reply from a very tired Sora.

"Then you shouldn't have said it _could have been better! _It was _perfect! _Matt wasn't it perfect?"

Yamato looked up, a confused look on his face. He hadn't been paying attention. Why? Because they were talking about _football! _

"Wasn't _what _perfect?" He said slowly, trying to make the wheels in his head spin just a _little _bit faster.

"My goal!" Taichi exclaimed, throwing his arms out.

"Oh. Uh…" Yamato shot Sora a help-me glance and fumbled with his fork, not meeting Taichi's gaze. He didn't like this situation. Not only because he had missed the game Taichi'd been talking about ever since their first lesson, but also because right now those eyes were burning themselves into him, as if they could look straight through him. He hated it.

"What would he know about football?" Sora muttered, munching on an apple she had chosen over the green uneatable goo.

"More than you, obviously" Taichi spat, looking back at Yamato again, continuing on the progress of burning a hole through the blonde's skin. "Well?"

Yamato shrugged helplessly. "It was great, what can I say?"

"So it couldn't have been better?" Taichi prompted, leaning forward slightly. At the very last second, Yamato noticed Sora's stare, sending very strong signals over the table. _Don't agree. _He shook his head, gaining his sense. Like _he_ was gonna be the one to make Taichi an even bigger ego than he already was!

"You can always get better, y'know. Life would be too boring otherwise."

Sora smiled proudly at him and Taichi's hopeful expression fell. He leaned back again, crossing his arms over his chest. "That's so unfair. You guys suck."

Yamato rolled his eyes, extremely grateful that Taichi's painful staring was over. Now all that was left was a sulky glare and a very familiar pout.

* * *

Yamato's pov

This sucks. This really, _really _sucks!

I'm not only talking about this never-ending class, but also this useless, pathetic debate that's going on in my mind. It's between my hopeful (and slightly pitiful) self and my huge, domineering negative self. Actually, I think my negative self just scared away my hopeful self and now he/she/it is ruling my mind, making me more and more depressed.

I'm doomed.

You might wonder what the hell my problem is. Well... _I don't know! _I'm all torn and confused and so goddamned frustrated. I thought everything would work out from here and just roll on, but… it doesn't feel like it used to. Everything's weird.

If I ever had a chance go back to normal, this negative spirit really fucked that up. That's right; I've reached the bottom. Now I'm just depressed. No one to save me either. No use, won't work. Life sucks. What the _fuck _is he looking at?

"Yamato, will you _please _answer the question?" My teacher pleaded, for what seemed to be the tenth time.

Oh.

I shifted in my seat, somewhat ashamed of the glare I had just sent him. The guy is only only doing his job, after all. "Um… I… what was the question?"

My teacher sighs. They always tend to do that around me… "Forget it. Koushiro, will you help Yamato out?"

The smartass looks up and opens his big mouth to come with a too-smart-to-follow answer that'll make the teacher proud. And slightly confused... "Well, it's probably that Yamato's a disgusting fag and that all he wants to do is fuck his best friend Yagami Taichi after school instead of learning good, healthy things from our teachers. Actually, rather than listening in class he's daydreaming of blowing his friend sitting in front of him. That little slut just can't get enough of Yagami's cock, can he? The rumours are true. Matt _is_ gay."

The teacher nods his head, satisfied with Koushiro's answer. Then he turns to look at me. "Did you understand that, Yamato?"

He frowns a little, giving me an odd look that's making several other students turn in their chairs.

"Yamato?"

Now the whole fucking class is staring at me.

"Yamato, is there something wrong?"

I stare at him, eyes wide. Koushiro didn't say all that… it's ridiculous. Right? Why am I being so paranoid? Maybe it's just my imagination. Yeah. My head is screwing with me.

"Yamato…? Are you all right?" Why are they staring at me?

"No."

Was that my voice? Seeing how everyone's turning their heads right now I guess not. Everyone's looking at Tai. I must be looking at him too, cuz now his gaze is glued to mine. "No, he's not. I think he should go home."

"He does look a little dizzy…"

Everyone's nodding in agreement. What are they talking about? I'm not dizzy! Whoa… someone's grabbing my arm. I think that's my arm… okay, maybe I _am _dizzy. Is that the door?

* * *

-

Years or a second later -have no clue-, I wake up, my head feeling like one big, heavy rock. It's warm in here, makes me feel dozy. I know this smell. I know this bed. That's _my_ bed. It's my room. I'm at home.

I open my eyes, immediately spotting my ceiling. Did I just have a dream? A super-weird dream where Koushiro said I'm cock-sucking fag in front of the whole class? Must've. It was just a dream… Or more like a _nightmare_. Much worse than I ever would've imagined… Couldn't have been real. Koushiro would never even _talk _like that. And he wouldn't have… nah. It was just a stupid dream. You can't control dreams. Must've been… What's Tai doing here?

"Hey." He's smiling softly at me.

Wait… forget I ever said the word 'softly' cuz that makes me sound like a chick. He's sitting on a chair. _My _chair, to be more specific. He's resting his arms on his knees and is leaning forward, studying me carefully. This is the first time of this week he's looked at me for so long. And _only _me, not distracted by anything else around him. Actually, this week he's been very… _normal_. He hasn't cracked stupid jokes (other than the old ones he always do); he hasn't teased me, or flirted with me –only been the same old buddy, hardly looking my way at all. Mainly talking to Sora. No messing with me or getting on my nerves. Just normal.

What the hell?

Why's he like that? Okay yeah I told him to, but him actually _doing what I say_ is just creepy. I mean it actually _sunk in. _He _got it. _What the fuck is _wrong _with him!

"Matt?"

"Mm?" I look at his eyes again, shifting my gaze from the spot where it had been glued to as I'd been thinking. This new view surprises me. And come to think of it, actually _impresses _me. As he looks right there, he should look always. Like all those times when he whines over how all the girls worship me (his opinion, not mine) and don't even notice him. They should take a look at him right now, right there –sitting in my chair. He's got sunlight over his skin from outside, making it look like velvet, and his hair in that special way that even makes me forgive its ridiculously big volume, and his eyes are sparkling in gold and brown… For a while it's like I'm looking at a photo. He's not moving, remaining his expression that just makes him look… wow. It's like someone just brought out the very best of him, I've never seen him looking better than that.

"Why are you smiling?"

"I'm smiling?"

Now he's grinning right back. "Yupp. What, do I have something in my face?"

"No, I was just thinking a little. You know… about how many girls that would've fallen in love with you if they'd seen you right now." I say, half smiling.

Though Tai might give impression of being confident, he's not that sure of himself when it comes to this. He always sulks and goes on about how my 'pretty' looks always works. And every time I feel the guiltiness to tell him that he looks just fine (after telling him to shut up and that I'm _not_ pretty; I just happen to be hot). But I don't cuz I'm a guy. And I don't talk like that. I don't give complements. But this right here, wasn't a compliment –it was a fact. And I'm glad I finally got the chance to say something like that, just as a statement, not a stupid made-up compliment.

I wait for a reaction, expecting a sheepish grin, a blush or some stuttered reply. But do you know what he does? He frowns! He almost looks _insulted_. He shakes is head in that _you're unbelievable _sort of way, narrowing his eyes a little.

"Maybe I don't want girls, Matt. Ever thought of that?"

Eh?

I must've given him a very clueless look, cuz he rolls his eyes and stands up. I look up at him, totally confused. What the _hell _did I do? I didn't fucking say he was ugly and he'd be alone forever!

I even _meant _what I said! And I practically said he was beautiful!

I stare after him as he walks out of my room, blinking like a dog that's just been flicked on its nose. I thought he was gonna be flattered, and maybe squeeze the shit out of me and get all affectionate and bug me until I get pissed and punch him and we'd start fighting and then shrug it off and then… well, you get the point. Dammit, I called him beautiful! This is if you read between the lines, but anyone wouldve got that.

It's hard for a guy to be this blunt! Don't I deserve to be bugged? I mean, why couldn't he have just… lit up like he always does when he's happy and smile wide and throw himself at me and hug me and talk in a squeaky voice and not let me go even if I tried to get him off me. And then continuing being all cuddly, act stupid and spend the rest of the day trying to make me embarrassed and uncomfortable by being more physical than necessary.

…Not that I care though.

* * *

Sora's pov

You guys wanna hear something really stupid? Yesterday Tai was so obsessed with his freakin goal that he kept on nagging about it until I finally said sommin like 'it could've been better'. He immediately got pissed, and then at lunch he asked for Matt's opinion. At first that stupid blond just said that it was great because he hadn't even been there at the game. But then he also said it could've been better. So Tai gets real pissy and starts pouting and acts _really _stupid at art class and yells at the teacher for telling him not to draw so bad (okay so she didn't actually _say _that but I know that's what she meant), screaming things like 'I don't fucking care if I screw that picture up, this is useless! I don't wanna be some kind of weird-ass artist anyway so _screw this shit!_' And then when he's send to the principal's office he mutters something stupid like 'Sora said my goal could've been better'...

He's an idiot. But hey, what else is new?

I've noticed this space between them, by the way. Yes, I'm talking about the main characters of the "OMG I made out with my best friend in the boys' bathroom" drama that took place last week. I'm not talking about that annoying _I'm not fucking talking_ _to you, you asshole _space though; this is a new kind. It's quite similar to the kind of space they had _before _the "OMG, I made out with my best friend in the boys' bathroom", because back then they were…

…quite normal.

And them being normal right now is just too freaking awkward for words Tai's just acting, I'm sure of it. He seems to have stepped back a little… not that Matt is all pissed or anything, but it's like they've made a deal or something. Think I missed a few things when they were having that detention. Although it doesn't really count as detention cuz they escaped like right away, and went home (and then got a new one the day after). They always do that. So pointless…

But what I'm trying to say here is that it seems to bother Matt a little. Of course it _could _be just the fact that he's used to Tai being weird and annoying and clingy and stupid, but maybe… maybe he's actually _missing _it? Now that Tai doesn't do all that he's realised that deep down it's just what he needs. And I'm not just talking about Tai's general _stupidity, _but also all the affection. The teasing, flirting, what ever you wanna call it. I think Matt wants that.

* * *

Taichi's pov

Went out running this morning. Alone. That sucks…

But I don't think Matt will ever up for it again. At least not with me…

In case you sick freaks out there managed to _way _misunderstand all that, then let me tell you that I'm _talking about running! _Not the other thing. Heh, I don't think he'll want that _either_, but whatever. I'm leaving him alone now, anyway, since he's taking all this so serious. I mean, I know he's a serious person (compared to me who isn't?) but he _knows_ I'm just messing and I know that he knows and I also know that he has no idea that about eight percent of it is not jokes. It's not like I'm completely _acting _when I keep teasing. It's not _just _because it's fun. Well, wait… it _is _because it's fun but it's not only fun because he gets _mad_, but because it's… it's way of… um… I don't really know how to explain it.

But I've stopped that. For _now. _Dunno for how long it'll be necessary, but right now it is. To be honest I was sorta dense with the whole gay-thing and just made fun of him… um… but _come on!_ It was fun!

But okay, so I didn't really get that it actually bothered him a lot. Like _hurt _even, not just pissed him off. I feel kinda bad for it now, although you've gotta admit that this dude is way too serious for his own good! If it had been _me, _then I'd play along. Or just ignore it if I got tired of it. I wouldn't have taken it personally.

Listen to me; I'm fucking _defending _myself here. And Matt's not even here to hear it. But like I said, I feel a bit guilty so it's like I _have _to defend myself. But I shouldn't. We're fine now. Though it's a little weird since I have to keep this distance and all. And I don't mean not talking to him, but I have to start being a 'normal buddy'. Everyone knows what I'm talking about here, right? Well okay, 'normal buddy' as in a guy who hangs out with you, chats and stuff BUT doesn't cling, pounce, pat, flirt, tease or just mainly finding ways to touch you.

My only excuse for usually doing all that is that I'm a very… ahem, _open _person and I sometimes get a little weird or affectionate or pushy. I mean, as you all know by now I have reflexes. And I do say or do things before I think. Sometimes I don't even think _at all_ and don't even get what I did wrong when they're yelling at me…

Ya'll know that line where you're just supposed to _stop _and _not cross? _Yeah, I don't know where the hell that line is, so when I've (obviously) crossed it, I don't even realise it until I'm getting punched or yelled at or just stared down… (you know people who just stare at you strangely when you've done something wrong? They're scary…)

I'm called a lot of things thanks to the way I act. But honestly, I don't _know_ how to behave! I mean I have my moments when I accidentally do things the right way and people find me very polite or charming or whatever, but I can't control it. Although I learn after a while what a certain person can stand and _not _stand. And when it comes to my closest friends I can behave myself, if it's really serious. Just like I backed off when Matt had that outbreak. And just like I'm going to give him his space until he feels comfortable enough to have me around again…

_Or! _

I'll act even _more _normal –almost avoid him- until he gets that he secretly wants it! I have no doubt that he can _live_ with it; we're best friends. If he couldn't stand me, he'd leave. The weirdness is a big part of my personality and if you've got a problem with that then you've got a problem with me. I know he's gonna break any moment and want me back. And maybe not only because it's who I am and he's okay with it, but also because he _likes _it. Of course he's in denial right now, but there _is _a possibility that he likes that closeness and affection. And once he experiences _not having _it, he'll realise that he enjoyed it and he'll want it back.

I know Matt feels left out now that I'm keeping that space between us, he's been very distant… depressed even. And in this one class he acted really weird so I took him home. Man, I had almost forgotten that day… that was when he stared at me for _so _long and smiled and then said…

That_ ass._

Everything was okay until he said that about girls falling in love with me. I know he was referring to all those times I've complained over his popularity. Now that I think about it, I _am _kinda glad he said that though because all those times he _never_ tried to comfort me or say that I looked good. That almost made me feel like he thought I was ugly or sommin. Sorta made me a little insecure about myself. Everyone needs to hear that you're good enough sometimes, not _totally _useless. I mean I always went on about how the girls liked him because he's downright Greek fucking God and he always said something like 'No they don't. Quit whining already!'

Heh. But that day I could tell he was admired. It felt…

...good?

…wonderful?

Hardly use those words, but I guess wonderful suits. Come to think of it, he shouldn't even have said anything, that look said it all. But that was my fault cuz I asked what he was looking at. So he _had_ to explain. I shouldn't have asked that. Some things do not need to be put into words. Words just destroy everything… whoa, I'm getting poetic...

Okay Tai, back to earth.

Plan, remember the plan. Stick to the plan and he'll come crawling back. There's no way in hell he won't come back. I mean it's pure logic! He told me to back off, I back off; he misses me and wants me back. Simple as that. Right? Well _I _think it makes sense...

* * *

Yamato's pov

Why does it have to be so _damn _hard to be Tai's friend? I don't know what to do. Since that day I said that shit about him looking good, he's been even more… unreachable. I mean it's like he's _right _there, but there's this thick wall between us. Every time we speak at all I'm so filled with angst because I know I've lost him. Maybe not completely, but he's drifting and I can't seem to stop it. I don't like the way he's so normal. Everything he does is so innocent and appropriate and _common. _It's like I don't know him anymore. He's missing everything that makes him… Tai. And now I don't even have the guts to try talk to him. It can't be like this, it just can't. I want us to be friends. I want him back. _Him, _not this stupid 'normal' dude he's suddenly become. I gotta… I… shit, I don't know what I should do. I want it to change but I can't talk to him anymore. Not for real. Now there's only _small talk _between us and I _hate _it! It's been too long now. I've suffered for _four days_, it's like I'm practically alone. He's not even my friend anymore. We just… hang out, for some reason. And he often dumps me to hang out with Sora.

Being three really sucks.

What if he's angry? What if he got mad when I told him to back off? That would _really _suck because then I would have to apologise… I hate apologising… and I hate all this fucking drama!

Didn't know it would get this complicated… I'm not really making anything better since I'm analysing everything, probably making it more than it is. But things _aren't _the way it used to be, and Tai _has _changed. Maybe it's not the end of the world but I still want it to change. To go back like it used to be.

Or something like that…

* * *

-

"Hey Matt" Taichi greeted his friend briefly as he opened his locker, three lockers away from Yamato's.

Said boy shot him a glance and mumbled a reply, gaze returning to his own business when brown eyes met his for a split second. It was Friday, last period had just ended and students were hurrying out from classrooms to go home and not returning until Monday.

"Hey guys!" Sora said, grinning uncontrollably. After 80 minutes of English she couldn't be happier to finally have some time off. The weekend had once again arrived, not a moment too soon.

"Hi Sora"

She looked at them both, standing at their lockers, hardly noticing each other. On a _normal _Friday Taichi would be jumping around, stressing Yamato who would turn his whole locker upside down to find books he needed to bring home over the weekend. At Fridays they were both in a good mood (if you don't count Yamato's stressed self that only got worse when Taichi nagged and rushed him to get going). They always chatted about stuff they'd planned to do during the weekend, games that would come up, what they'd do the _next _weekend and so on.

Now the silence was ridiculous.

"So what're you guys doing this weekend?" she said, unlocking her locker and tipping books and papers into it. Those who claim that every single girl is orderly are WRONG.

Taichi shrugged casually, slamming the locker shut before everything fell out. "Dunno. Nothing planned."

"Huh. What 'bout you Matt?"

"Uh… I…"

Sora shot him a glance, raising an eyebrow. Yamato sure seemed tense… All she'd asked was what he'd do during the weekend, nothing to freak out over… Right before she was about to change the subject, Yamato managed to choke out "I was just about to ask if you'd like to hang out this weekend?"

Sora's amused gaze flicked over to the brunet, who looked up and met Yamato's eyes. She couldn't help but smile as they both stared at each other for a moment; it looked just like Yamato had asked him out.

"Yeah sure." Taichi replied suddenly, smiling smoothly at him before looking at Sora –spotting her quirked lips.

"What ya grinning at?"

The girl just shook her head, unable to stop smiling. Before Taichi could ask anything more, a bright voice was heard from behind her, making her turn around.

"You coming or what?"

The honey-eyed girl noticed the two boys and waved cheerfully at them "Hey Matt, hey Tai!"

"Hey Mimi" both guys greeted in one union. Mimi grabbed Sora's hand and started dragging her away, shooting them a quick glance. "Sorry for stealing your friend but we've got a movie to catch!"

Sora shrugged helplessly at them and waved goodbye.

Yamato shook his head as he closed his locker. "Can't be easy to be friends with her."

"Nope." Taichi said, also shaking his head. "But Sora seems to handle it pretty well. It's almost like you and me"

Yamato grinned, he'd never thought of that before. "Yeah you're right. Well it's obvious that Sora and I are very tolerant people."

"Hey! _Mean_." Taichi stated, shooting him a mock glare.

Yamato just laughed, happy to finally break the ice between them. At least a little. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he said, "So you wanna do something tonight, or…?"

"Sure. Ain't got anything to do anyway."

They exited the school, starting to head home. "You know…" Yamato started, once he decided no one would be able to hear, "I'm sorry for that outbreak, I mean if it offended you or anything…"

There was a moment of silence as they continued walking, both studying the asphalt. "You mean the… when we'd escaped detention?"

"Yea." The blond mumbled, not taking his eyes off the ground.

"Oh."

Yamato glanced at his friend. "That's it? 'Oh'?"

"Well I mean it didn't exactly _offend_ me, but you know… it kinda sucks."

"I didn't mean to push you away or anything… I just wanted you to stop insulting me…" Yamato said, staring to feel the need to defend himself.

"Yeah I know. But I don't really know how I'm supposed to act right now, y'know?"

The blond was quiet for a while. What he would say right now would affect a lot of things and he wasn't even sure of what he wanted, much less of how he was supposed to put it. "You don't have to _act _any different, just… show some respect."

"I already am!" Taichi exclaimed, looking at him.

"Yeah, well… you don't have to _avoid _me. Or act any different."

"But I didn't know how I was supposed to act in the first place!" The brunet protested, throwing his arms out.

"Well now I'm telling you. You don't have to change. Just continue being stupid and weird and all that stuff."

Taichi smiled suddenly. "K."

Yamato risked him a glance. He returned Taichi's smile, feeling a lot better. After a while of eye contact, he noticed Taichi's expression changing. His lips formed into a pout and his eyes became big and watery.

"You're my best friend…"

Yamato rolled his eyes. "Oh geez…"

"In the _whole world…_"

"Don't start, Tai!"

Tai threw himself at him, nearly making the other teen lose balance. "I looooove you!" he squeaked, giving his friend a big sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"Ew don't fucking kiss me you retard!" Yamato protested, pushing him away. He wiped his cheek with a disgusted look on his face, blushing. Taichi just grinned at him. Yamato rolled his eyes.

"Good to have you back" he said, smiling ironically. Taichi responded with a dazzling smile of his own.

Then he tilted his head to the side and threw his arms out.

"Uh-uh" Yamato shook his head. "You've already hugged me once"

"I didn't hug you, I _attacked _you," the brown-eyed boy argued, pulling him into a bone-crushing hug that made Yamato wish they weren't outside were anyone could see them.

"Will you let me go already!"

"Nope."

Yamato managed to free himself from Taichi's grip and made a big distance between them just in case.

"You're so gay" he muttered, starting to walk again. Taichi just shrugged.

"How can I not be when I've got such a hot best friend?"

"SHUT UP!" the blond exploded, as expected. "What the hell happened to showing respect?"

"Whoa, take it easy!" Taichi said, laughing nervously. "I just complemented you, you can't exactly blame _me _for complementing people." He added, a slight hint in his voice.

"Well you sure got pissed when I complemented _you_" Yamato shot back, bringing that up without thinking.

Taichi didn't answer. They silently walked home, reaching Yamato's place after about ten minutes.

-'-

"Hungry?" Yamato asked as he headed for the kitchen. Without waiting for a response, he started searching for food. Like _Taichi _wouldn't be hungry…

"Yup" the brunet replied from the hall, closing the door behind him. He entered the kitchen, helping himself as he started digging through the fridge.

Taichi sat silently at the kitchen table and watched his friend making him sandwiches (he always managed to talk him into doing that, since he claimed that he himself was unable to do anything in the kitchen besides eat). He made a few comments about Yamato's apron –which was not being used at current moment- and Yamato told him to shut up a few times.

Just a normal Friday night.

They ended up watching some weird romance slash comedy on TV in lack of better things to do. It was around midnight; both boys were bored to death but didn't feel like going to bed yet. Friday nights weren't supposed to be spent in bed sleeping; you're supposed to _do _something! Why? Because you _can. _And if that means (as in this case) that you're stuck watching some useless, crappy movie, then so be it.

Taichi was entertaining himself by pointing out all the clichés, commenting one of the main character's bad haircut every now and then, constantly telling his friend what (according to his theories) would happen next, and so on. The blond was putting all his strength into keeping himself from kicking that guy's ass.

"…and now they'll both lean in to kiss each other, but will be interrupted by something and another drama will start, taking their minds off one and other until the movie ends, where they'll go back to that freakin kiss and THEN there might be _another_ interruption because this _is _comedy and _that _is just hilarious."

"Will you shut up!" Yamato yelled at him for the fifth time this evening. He glared at his best friend whom glared back.

"You'd rather watch this crap in complete silence so that you can really concentrate on following this unique story?"

"You'd rather have duct tape over your big mouth or me kicking your ass?"

"Second choice please, cuz you can't do that anyway." Taichi replied, grinning wickedly.

A loud gasp was heard from his left.

"You're right." Yamato's blue eyes widened in shock of this new realisation. "I'm so _pathetic!_ I wish I had big muscles like you, Tai" he continued, shaking his head and sighing.

"OMG, that's SO funny!" Taichi exclaimed and went back to watching the movie as if nothing had bothered him in the first place. Yamato smirked at his friend's skilful imitation of 'bitchy schoolgirl', and looked back at the TV screen. After a few seconds he remembered that it sucked and glanced at his friend. He still hadn't commented anything yet. His mind drifting and eyes still locked on his best friend's profile, he hardly noticed the brunet slowly turning his head to look at him.

"You're staring." He stated, gazing at the blond who blinked in confusion.

"Hu-oh-sorry." He mumbled, shaking his head. "But the movie sucks." He added as an excuse, shrugging.

Taichi's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You think? _Of course _it sucks! I mean…" he looked back at the screen, pointing at it accusingly. "…it's ridiculous! It's not even a real story, it's just a fast-written, slap-dashed story line that's _supposed _to be funny and it's all just about them getting together! So fucking predictable and boring…"

That last word made its way out just before he was cut off.

It was a small motion. It had nothing to do with anything -that was the reason why it was surprising. It was slow enough for Yamato not to head-butt him, and fast enough for Taichi not to move.

Taichi's head tilted back against the backrest of the Ishida's green couch, due to the pressure from Yamato's lips.

The blue-eyed teen's thoughts were pushed away for the moment and all that was in function was touch, taste, smell, and hearing. There was no good explanation for his actions; the boy was simply kissing his best friend. His brain was locked and there was nothing in his way to stop him from deepening the kiss, from lingering his arms around the brunet's head and from exploring Taichi's mouth in every way he wished.

As if the strong attracting force had just been turned off Yamato pulled back, disconnecting their lips in the effort. He felt slightly numb and light-headed, his gaze swaying around the room as if he were drunk.

"Okay so _now _it's alright attacking people? Or did that only apply me?"

Yamato's gaze landed on the teen beside him and he looked at him dizzily.

"Care to tell me _why, _dear friend?"

Yamato blinked slowly, shaking his head. "I…"

"You know, if you're gonna blame that on reflexes you can just forget it, man" Taichi added, grinning.

"You could've at least gotten yourself drunk so that you'd have some excuse."

It finally sunk in and Yamato stared at him. Then he looked away. Taichi smirked at his realisation, watching him curiously. Yamato stood up suddenly.

"I'll go make some more popcorn…" he mumbled, and turned around to go hide in the kitchen. Taichi rolled his eyes and grabbed his wrist.

"Matt" He said in a gentle voice, pulling him down.

"What?" The blond said as he loosed balance and fell back into the couch. Taichi let go of his wrist and turned towards him, winning eye contact. He reached his hand out, unable to stop himself from brushing blond strands away from Yamato's face. Yamato just looked at him, waiting for his friend to tell him what he had wanted to say. The brunet just continued stroking his hair, caressing his cheek with his thumb sensually. Yamato started blushing, realising what he was doing. He started to pull back, but Taichi's hand placed itself behind his neck and pulled him into a kiss.

Yamato pushed him away. "What the fuck are you doing?" he choked out, staring at him in disbelief.

"Kissing you." Taichi answered, grinning.

"Why?" the blond demanded, not liking the way his friend made it sound so innocent.

"Cuz it's nice" the brunet replied, chuckling.

"Wh-?" Yamato was cut off as Taichi kissed him again. This time he put both of his arms around his neck, refusing to let him go. After a while Yamato found himself kissing back, letting himself melt into the kiss and his brain once again get locked. Somewhere in the kiss their tongues met and Yamato finally lost himself in Taichi's arms, his scent, warmth and touch. Hysterical voices were heard from the TV, where chaos had taken over in the movie. Neither boy cared. Taichi's fingers were running through Yamato's hair as he kissed him deeply. Yamato's arms made their way around his friend's waist and Taichi pushed him down on the couch. He somehow ended up lying on top of him with Yamato's legs on each side. He intensified the kiss and rolled his hips over the boy underneath. Yamato moaned and pulled away from his lips, turning his head to the side. Taichi took advantage of this and started kissing his neck, nuzzling his face into the smooth skin.

"Get off me!" Yamato pushed him off the couch and the brunet landed on the floor with a thump.

"Damn Matt, don't be so violent!"

He sat up and gave him a questioning glare. "What the fuck, dude?"

"I was just about to ask you the same thing." Yamato bit back, sitting up in the couch.

Taichi gave up, not in mood for fighting. "Look… I'm sorry, okay? I lost it." He sat down beside him.

Yamato just stared down at the carpet. "But you know…" Taichi continued, moving a little closer. "…it seemed like you enjoyed it." His hand placed itself on Yamato's thigh and the blond glanced at it.

"If you liked it, then… nothing matters." Taichi leaned over, breathing along his friend's neck, sending shivers up his spine. "I liked it too..." he whispered, his hand carefully moving along his thigh on its way in to his crotch. Yamato held his breath. He could feel his other teen's lips gracing his cheekbone. "Just don't… think" the brunet breathed out, almost as a moan. Yamato shut his eyes as Taichi's hand cupped him, just about to squeeze and arouse.

"No!"

Taichi's hand was pulled back quickly, and he moved away. Yamato stared at him as if he had just tried to choke him. "I said I didn't want to! Get the fuck away from me!"

"Matt…"

"Stop!"

Taichi glared at him. "Will you calm down? I'm not attacking you, stop making it sound like that!"

"Y-you can't just come on to me like that, and…"

"Matt, _relax_."

Yamato finally met his friend's gaze and found himself glued to it, unable to look away.

"There's no one here to judge you, Matt. No one needs to know"

The blond teen looked at him. He knew there was no way in hell he was ever gonna give in to that. He wasn't some kind of gullible dumbass who could be talked into anything. He was rather the opposite. Taichi had no chance, he could just forget it.

* * *

-The next day...

"What the fuck was I thinking!? I'm such an idiot! I'm such a fucking idiot! Why? WHY! Sora, what am I gonna do? I'm so fucked up! I'm such an idiot!"

The redheaded girl watched her normally calm friend almost ripping his hair off his head, kicking various things around the room and crouch down on the floor, curling up to a ball. He wasn't crying, though she could see that he was in some kind of pain or misery. He was angry, though he didn't seem to have the strength to break or hit anything like he usually did when he was pissed.

She knew he was upset and confused. Of course it's hard to deal with stuff you really don't _want_ to deal with. Stuff you just want to lock in and never let out again. Stuff you want to deny and forget.

She bit her lip, trying to decide whether she should comfort him or not. Many times that had only led to Yamato having a turn, and made things worse. But right now it seemed like he could actually use it. Sora made her way over to the pained boy, sitting down beside him carefully. To her surprise, he rolled over to his back and stretched out on the floor, glaring up at the ceiling. He placed his hands behind his neck and sighed deeply, looking very calm all of a sudden.

"I always _think _before I do shit. Always. I'm not stupid, like him." he said softly.

"I know" Sora mumbled, not even realising she was insulting Taichi.

"Why did I do it, Sora?"

"Because you're a guy? Guys always think with their…"

"Yeah, I know. I'm very aware of you fucking opinions."

"Sorry" she muttered, remembering that she was supposed to _comfort _him. "Don't beat yourself up about it, Matt. So you made a mistake, big deal. Shit like that happens all the time."

"I know. But it wouldn't be so bad if it was a _girl!_"

Sora was quiet for a while, hesitating. "Matt, do you have anything against homosexuals?"

He stared at her. "What the fuck is _that _supposed to mean!"

"Well it does seem like you think being gay is the end of the world." She pointed out, tilting her head.

Yamato pulled himself up to a sitting position, not meeting her eyes. "I don't have anything against gay people, I just… don't want to be gay myself!"

"What makes you think you're gay?"

Yamato gave her a well-_duh _-look and rolled his eyes. Sora shrugged. "Well yeah, so you slept with Tai, but that doesn't mean anything! Doesn't mean you _wanted _to. Or _liked _it." She glanced at him and he looked away, blushing.

"Did you?"

"No!"

She sighed, shaking her head. –_Denial_.

"Okay, Matt. But let's just forget all these homophobic and 'I don't wanna be gay' –thoughts, and pretend that nothing's wrong with what you did, which it is also _my_ opinion… do you regret it?"

"Yes." he said without a blink.

"Hey, _think _before you answer! Remember; no judging, no gay-bashing, no damn paranoia, just… listen to what your heart is saying, despite how incredibly cheesy that sounded."

The blond teen sighed and rubbed his eyes. He stared at the floor, blinking hard. "You and your stupid questions…" he muttered after thinking for a long time.

"Well, okay –let me put it this way… was it awful? Disgusting? Wrong? Weird? Scary?"

Yamato looked up. "Why the hell would it be _scary?_"

Sora shrugged. "I dunno, I was just trying to come up with some adjectives…"

"Oh. Well…No. It wasn't any of that." He hid his face in his hands. "_That's _what's awful! I enjoyed it, dammit! _That's _what's disgusting!"

The girl shook her head, sighing. She smiled softly at her friend, even though he couldn't see her.

"_I_ don't think so. And you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. Just don't think about it for now, okay? Just let what happens happen. Stop analysing."

"Fine."

"Good."

He lied down on the floor again. "You should go now. I need to sleep," he muttered, rolling to his side and turning his back against her.

Despite that rude way of asking her to leave, she stood up and nodded in agreement. "You're right. I won't bother you. But Matt…"

"What"

"Just try to remember that it's not a crime, just…"

He waved that comment off lazily. Sora sighed in defeat. "Okay. But just don't worry about this too much. Don't get caught up on it."

"Bye Sora."

"Fine" she muttered, pouting a little over the fact that the boy didn't want to listen to her preach. Not her fault that she was so smart and had many opinions.

"You're still here." Right. She was supposed to be leaving, not standing here and pout.

"Sora!"

"Alright, I'm going!"

* * *

Yamato's pov

Okay, so… I'm trying to overcome the freak-out part, and just move on with the getting-over-this part. But it's not exactly easy to separate them. I mean, let's just for example start with how to _move on_. To move on I have to continue being Taichi's buddy. Because I'm pretty sure that _avoiding_ Taichi wouldn't be moving on. And by being Taichi's buddy I have stop fucking calling him _Taichi _all the time –his name is _Tai, _dammit! Gah.

Okay, moving on. Other thing that I'll have to do to be his buddy is to face him. Sadly. And talk to him. And hang out with him. Now, while thinking these thoughts I'm automatically going back to the freaking-out part, thinking _I can't face him!_ I can't talk to him! What'll I say? 'Hey Tai, great fuck this weekend but let's just forget it ever happened and stay friends, k?' And while I'm at it, I start thinking about how _Tai _will act around me. If he's gonna act the way he does around the girls he –_claims_- has got his way with then I'm doomed! So yeah, still on the freaking-out part…

Maybe I should just stop thinking about it altogether. Yeah. That sounds good. I'll do that…

Okay, it's not working! I'm too sensitive and paranoid to stay relaxed! I can't cool down; it's impossible! I know it's not a crime to have a one-night stand. That's what he was. Just happen to _know _him too. Shit! What about _him, _though? What'll he think? Will he get hurt? Is he gonna get all bitter and treat me like some kind of ex? It was _nothing! _His fault anyway…

This isn't going anywhere. It's useless. I should sleep.

Why can't I sleep? Why! I'm great at sleeping! Analysing isn't helping anyway, so why can't I stop?

_RIING_

What the _hell_ was that?

_RING _

Oh, the phone…

I reach out and grab the phone, even though I really don't want to speak to anyone. What if it's Tai… _Shit._ Maybe I should hang up…

"Yes?" If it's him then I'll hang up.

"You're not sleeping."

Who's this? What kind of person would call someone just to say 'you're

not sleeping'? Oh, _Sora_…

"You woke me up."

"Liar."

I grit my teeth. "_Fine. _What do you want?"

"You need to talk to me."

I ache an eyebrow. "I do?"

"Mhm"

I sigh, leaning back against my pillow again. "About what?"

"Well, let's see… there's always yours and Tai's intimate moment last night."

I frown. "You said I shouldn't think about that, and now you're fucking calling me up and reminding me of it!"

"I could tell you were beating yourself up about it, instead of sleeping like you said you would"

"So now you're a psychic too?"

"No. You're just very predictable."

"Am _not."_

"Are too. Like this with Tai; I knew you'd freak out, even though deep down you know that's what you wanted."

I resist the urge to argue, and take a deep breath. "Could be. _But, _it's not. Just because you're running around trying to be a matchmaker doesn't mean I'm…"

"Gay?"

"Into Tai…" I say, not thinking. Of course I'm not gay either, but I was going to say into Tai and then…

Silence.

"Aha."

"I'm not."

"You're not what?"

"Gay."

"Why did you sleep with Tai?"

I sigh. _That's _what I've been trying to figure out myself, why would I be able to tell her?

"He… I don't know."

"Were you drunk?"

"You know I wasn't."

"Did he force you into it?"

"No." I say, like she's retarded.

"Then why? Did he seduce you?"

Why am I having this conversation with her? This is none of her business! She's not my consular.

"I'm just trying to help you Matt."

She can read minds. Seriously. She just read my mind! It's scary…

"Yes, course he seduced me. It wasn't like he just said 'hey Matt? Wanna fuck?'"

"So he seduced you and you fell for it?"

I grit my teeth. _Damn _her.

"Yes."

"Because…?"

"Because I… ugh. He worked me up and I wasn't thinking!" I add quickly, not liking the sound of me being worked up by him. Why would I be? I'm not gay, so why did I get worked up? I'm not into him so _why _did I do it?

"So he made you…"

"Shut up!"

"Just like he did in the boys' room. Right? He worked you up there too. I don't know about you Matt, but I'm starting to see a very clear connection here."

Now she's mocking me. I hate her.

"I hate you."

Sora chuckles, and I hate her even more. "I think you need to talk to him."

"I think you need to get off my back!"

"Oh _sure, _blame the messenger!" Sora bites back, loosing her patients.

"Soon you're gonna realise I was right, and you were just in denial!"

"Why don't you get a life and stop bothering me!" I yell into the phone.

She's quiet for a moment. I know she's pissed, but I don't give a fuck. She can't just tell me what to feel and what I need to do to be happy! She doesn't know!

"That's real smart, Matt. Well, you're on your own. Good luck with that."

Click.

Girls…! They're so weird. They always have to be right and get their opinions heard! And _everyone _has to listen and nod in total agreement! Fucking control-freaks… probably the reason why I…

…prefer them over guys. Right. Guys aren't… at all like girls. They…

Okay, _all _girls aren't like Sora. There's plenty of girls that aren't control-freaks… that I could consider… being with?

I hang up the phone and roll over to my stomach. Stare into the wall.

"I'm not into Tai."

* * *

Taichi's pov

I feel like I just had my cake and ate it too! I can't believe he actually gave into me! I mean… he's like… way out of my league, frankly. According to some. According to me. He's…

Damn.

Well, whatever –I had him! You heard me; I had sex with Yamato Ishida!

Well, I sort of knew there was something there after our make-out, but I never thought he'd sleep with me. Never.

Before you get all worried let me tell you that yes, I _am _aware of that he's probably freaking out right now. And regretting this. At least thinking he is. Deep down though, I don't think he does. I'm prepared to wait. And –if necessary- prepared to convince him. He might need a kick to get real for once and stop denying. I'm prepared to kick.

I just realised I'm sounding very stupid right now. Oh well, I'm just happy. Wish I could brag about it a little, but I won't. No one can know. If I tell someone I'd fuck up my only chance to get this guy. If nobody knew, and if the rumor would just die down this could actually be something!

We could be friends at school and more at home. No one would know. It could work! Well okay, maybe I shouldn't get too hopeful… better to just see what comes, not expecting anything. Although I do hope I'll get some. Just one more time… Last night was just too goddamned good to be just a onetime-experience.

Too bad he's not easy. Although maybe that's why he's so desirable…

Did I just use the word 'desirable'? Man. Well, I don't know how to describe him! I mean, there's always beautiful and delicate and gorgeous and HOT… haha, he'd so kick my ass if he'd ever hear me say that! I honestly don't know what he'd do if I'd call him _cute_. Not that I would, though. Yeah maybe out of spite, but not for real. That's like… calling the pope queer. Whoa, where did _that _come from?

I mean it's like he's so much more than those words –they're too pitiful to describe him. But he's still pretty average, and that's what's so perfect about him, although he's not _perfect, _cuz that's a bad thing, I mean he's got his weaknesses, and _that's _what I like too, because that makes him…

What the _hell _does that make him? What am I even talking about?

RING

…was that the phone? I look at the phone just as it rings again. I bounce off the bed and throw myself at it.

"You've reached the Yagami's residence, this is Yagami Taichi speaking -I hope you're honoured- now what may I do you for?"

That's reflexes. Swear to God.

I wait for the reply with a grin on my face. The reactions are always the best part. No answer. But I'm pretty used to that, it _is _a lot of words to take in. Though it usually doesn't take _this _long…

"Hi. Um, it's Matt."

-

-

-

**dun-dun-dun-duuun... **

**well? what'cha think?**

**Reviews are VERY welcome /grins hopefully/ So pleeeeeeease share your opinions!**


	5. Chapter 5

**...hi.**

**I'll spare you the apologies and excuses for keeping you waiting and just give you the story. **

**Here ya go...**

Chapter 5

"Hi. Um, it's Matt."

He sounds so strange that for one second I forget how to say the word 'hey'.

"Oh… yes. I mean hey. Matt"

"Yes?" he asks, sounding a little confused.

"What? Wh…no, I meant Matt as in 'hey Matt' not 'hey Matt?'…"

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Is it just me, or is this conversation not going so well?

"So… what's up?" I ask, since I'm getting a feeling that small talk is pretty impossible to have with someone you've just… um, jumped.

"I just called to say that you better forget about last night. I mean… I don't want it getting thrown in my face over and over. I already feel stupid and I don't wanna have to think about it. It shouldn't have happened, but I can't change it so I just want to move on and forget it."

Silence.

Just how many times had he practised saying that?

I shake my head, trying to think. I'm automatically opening my mouth to say "alright" or something stupid like that, but close it again. It's not alright! Not yet, no, it can't just end like that. He's stupid. Stupid and paranoid. Kick Tai, kick!

"You should come over" I say dryly.

Yeah! Go me!

"W…what?" he stutters pitifully, that hard-set attitude a million miles away.

He wasn't prepared for that. I wasn't supposed to say that. Things were not supposed to go this way. Now he's helpless. Moahahaha….

"I said you should come over" I repeat, trying to sound nicer. I didn't mean to sound so cold, I was just nervous. He's making me nervous!

"I can't" he says desperately. "I've got things to do."

"Like what?" I say, smirking. I feel so powerful right now I can't help acting like Mr Cool, himself. Not talking about that wimp on the other side of the line, but Matt in another, more master-full situation. If there's anything he's good at –besides glaring- it's smirking. His smirks totally outdo the times he _smiles_.

"…stuff"

I roll my eyes. He could've at least made something up… "You can come over right now."

"…"

"Kari's home." I'm not even trying to ignore the fact that he doesn't trust me to keep my distance. It's too damn obvious.

"I don't know, Taichi…"

"Don't call me Taichi!" I protest, getting annoyed. "Matt, we need to talk. We can't just pretend that didn't happen. You can't just call me and try saying stuff like that over the _phone…_"

"Fine!" he yells, already losing his temper. I sigh, rubbing my eyes. He sure is difficult.

"Alright."

He hangs up without another word and leaves me listening to the annoying beep. I hang up with a growl, glaring out the window. This all seems pretty much hopeless right now. I can already imagine how our 'talk' will work out. He'll say the _exact _same thing he just told me, I'll try to protest and in the end he'll lose it and leave. No matter how much he tries, Matt can't be patient. He's stubborn, but he's _not _patient. Well not when it comes to this anyway. I just hope he won't freak out and run home once he finds out that I lied. Kari's not home.

But it's not like I'll _rape_ him! Why do I have to be the bad guy?

* * *

Yamato's point of view

No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I can't go there, I can't face him! Not yet! Not after…

It's too soon. I can't just go there, knowing that he's done all that and… and… I mean I've been unmasked; I can't hide anything now. I hate him! He's probably sitting there, all smug and thinking he just got his cake and ate it too. Like he _won. _

I can't go.

But… if I _don't _go… maybe he'll think there is something. That he can walk around and brag about it, like I actually _like _him. Son of a _bitch_…

Alright, now I _have _to go there.

I walk out of my room and pass my dad's office. This is were he spends late nights working overtime, since he's got everything he needs in here and doesn't have to stay at work. That way he claims that I have no reason to complain about him being a workaholic since he's at home. Still doesn't mean that he's got any _time _for other things…

"Dad, I'm going out" I mutter, reaching the hall and grabbing my shoes.

"Where and for how long?" Is his short and head-on reply. That's the way dad works. Time is way too valuable to him to be wasted by any oh-so-_pointless_ small talk.

Okay let's see… how long will it take for me to tell Taichi to get over himself and piss off?

"Tai's place. I dunno, maybe an hour." Tai is dense. And if I'm going to do this the right way then it's gonna take a while.

"Right. He was here last night, right?"

"Um, yes" I mumble, begging silently for him to stop asking things.

"Did he sleep here as well?"

"Yes" I choke out, hoping that didn't reveal anything.

"Hm." He mutters and I open the door before he can ask anything else.

"Bye dad!"

"Bye Matt"

----

It feels like it's written all over my face. Like _I'm _the one who did something wrong. Why do _I _have to carry all the guilt? He's probably proud of it and I'm just ashamed. Jerk. I should kick his ass. I'm tired of all this! He can't just pretend that he can do whatever he wants. _Literally_.

Gah, _no, _don't think about it! It didn't happen.

Shit, I forgot it's only a few minutes from my place to his. I should've walked slower. Why do I let my mind drift like that? Okay, I'll take the stairs, that way it'll take longer. Fuck, I'm ridiculous! I'll get there no matter how slow I walk, no use trying to get away. You're gonna kick his ass Matt, come on! Stop being a wimp!

Wholly _shit, _I'm already here… damn it! Maybe I can just turn around and go back?

No.

I lift my finger, pressing the doorbell. No looking back now, I've already screwed my last chance of turning around and go home. Now he's gonna open that door, and… WHOLLY SHIT, he just opened the door!

"Come in."

This is not happening. Right?

He steps aside and I walk in, studying the floor. Thousands of questions are running through my head. Is he looking at me? What's he thinking? Does he think he _owns_ my now? Does he think I'm cheap? What does he think?

You can't blame me for being awkward. This guy knows how I look naked. This guy knows what it's like to have sex with me. He knows how I smell, how I act, how I sound, how I feel, he knows _everything! _He's stepped into _my _space; he's destroyed my walls. My cover. My mask, my whole defence. There's nothing to hide from him; he already knows it.

"You want something? You look a little pale…" He walks over to the kitchen and I watch his back, suddenly noticing something that makes me wanna spin around and bolt out of this apartment.

"Where's Kari?" I take a step back, feeling the door behind me as I watch him closely. He walks around the kitchen, opening a cabinet.

"Are you hungry or would you just like something to drink? We've got tons of Pepsi…"

"I said where's Kari?" I repeat a little louder, perhaps letting just a little desperation slip out. He turns his head and takes a look at me.

"She'll be here any minute. Why are you standing there like an idiot, come on, you want some Pepsi or not?" he hastens, looking at me like I really _am _an idiot. Well, maybe that's not complete bullshit... I walk into the kitchen dumbly, already forgetting what I was supposed to say to talk my way out of this. Should've written it down… He hands me a cold can and I stare at it, feeling very distant. I'm very tired all of a sudden. So tired of thinking, trying to make decisions over and over. Trying to work everything out. But it's my fault, really. _I'm _the one who got myself into this mess, so I should be the one to get myself out of it. Only question is if I'm capable of it.

He takes a seat on the kitchen table, cracking the can open. "So… do you feel like talking about this? Was there something more you wanted to say or do you… just wanna talk?" He pauses and grins a little. "This is going smoothly…"

I would've grinned back if I weren't that awkward. "It's just like I told you over the phone. I'm really tired of all this and I want to… can't we just forget it?"

He shrugs, seemingly unfazed. "Sure. Then what?"

I blink, opening my mouth to answer, but then closing it again once I realise I have no idea. "What do you mean then what?" I mumble, trying to win some time.

"Do we go back? I mean like it used to be, or is this it? You're breaking up with me?"

I stare at him. "_What?_ What do mean brea…?"

"As in friends, duh…" He grins and I look away, a little embarrassed for even _considering_ that was what he meant. "Is this the end, or what? What do you want?"

"I don't know, I just need… I really don't know, alright? I just wanted to make it clear that we'll both move on and don't get caught up on it. That was just one mistake too many, and I just want to forget, you know?" I shoot him a glance. He sips his Pepsi and sighs, looking at the fridge in front of him.

"I'm sorry I acted so stupid, Matt. I never think before I do stuff and always expect _you _to be the responsible one." He goes silent and lowers his gaze. I'm just starting to wonder if I should say something when he continues, "And for once you didn't think and now it's _your _fault?" He looks at me. "You should yell at me, demand an apology! I'm a jerk…"

Oh great. Now he's trying to make me feel guilty.

"We _both _did the wrong thing, none of us were thinking! I could've said no."

Give me a break, I can't just nod and agree!

"You did!" Tai exclaims, looking even guiltier. "And I ignored it. I just kept going"

"I could've pushed you away, it's not like I was completely _helpless…_"

"Yeah, but I didn't exactly give you any time to think either" Tai mutters, shaking his head.

"I was the one who kissed you in the first place!" I blurt out, not thinking.

He stops and looks at me for a while, obviously trying to remember. "Oh yeah… you did."

"Right. We're both idiots. Now let's do ourselves a big favour and forget it ever happened." I say, feeling like I just solved a big fat math problem.

Tai doesn't seem too relieved though. "Matt, look… I just want to tell you that I'm really sorry for doing that, okay? I'm supposed to be your best friend and then I come on to you like that… I guess I lost it. I mean I… you're very attractive, y'know?"

"Attractive?" I echo, not able to hold back a snicker. Well, that's a weird way to express it…

He blushes a little and I stare. "Well yeah, I mean… or whatever, y'know, I can't really describe it… you just look good, alright?"

I keep staring. Tai never blushes. He's never embarrassed; he's too stupid to get embarrassed! This must be serious. Well okay, maybe it's not that weird feeling embarrassed when you're attracted to your male best friend… but still! This is _Tai blushing! _

He looks up at me again. "Aside from you freaking out, I don't really regret it. Honestly. I liked it. But I'm sorry it happened like that, and that it was sudden and rushed and… y'know, I'm sorry it went that way. But I just want you to know, in case you're… wondering. It was great." He smiles faintly and takes a sip from his Pepsi, looking at the fridge again.

I stand there motionless for a while. Then I turn around and start walking towards the hall. Noticing I forgot to return the unopened can. But it's not the reason I stop in the middle of the Yagami's living room. While standing there, trying to come up with something to say, he startles me by asking if I forgot something. Still having my back against him, I continue musing franticly.

"Matt?"

I wince, knowing I have to say something right _now, _or it'll be too late.

"There's something have to do before I leave."

Tai smirks behind my back and gives me an amused glance. "And what's that?" he questions, laughter clear in his voice.

"Kiss you." I reply, like that's the most freaking logic thing in the whole world.

"Huh."

After sitting motionless on the table for a few seconds, Tai jumps off and stands in font of it. He places the can on the table behind him, and turns around again with a shrug. "Knock yourself out."

Upon hearing that invite, my eyes close automatically and I turn around. Opening my eyes again, I walk up to him silently. He watches me silently.

Everything is so silent it's ridiculous.

I reach the normal conversation distance, pass on to I-think-there's-something-in-your-eyes distance, and then stop at hardly-any-distance-at-all distance. He's still looking at me, waiting. I wrap my arms around his waist, as if preparing myself. After a while he places his arms around my shoulders. Our noses are touching, our feet are touching, I feel his breath on my lips, and I can even feel his body heat -which really proves that we're standing close. My gaze flicks down to his lips. Up again, meeting his eyes. I blink. His eyes gaze down at my lips wistfully. Finally snapping out of my daze, I close that last distance. His lips are softer than I remembered and I just stand there, pressing my own against his. I thought it would feel stupid and weird and unnatural, but… it's like I'm _aloud. _I don't have to worry; I can just stand here and kiss him for as long as I want. This slow. Just this simple touch alone is so sensual.

I pull him closer, letting our frames connect and he tightens his grip around me. I don't know for how long we stand like that. He seems relieved when I make the first move to deepen the kiss, like he's waited for me to take the first step by myself. Our tongues meet I actually get butterflies in my stomach. It's so weird... I've already slept with him and yet this blows my mind. It's like ten times more _real, _last night is just a blur of faint memories. My hands roam his back, measuring and testing. He's so warm and strong. Not at all like a girl would be. I let my hands stroke his hips, enjoying the feeling of muscles under the fabric. Suddenly it all feels so right. His whole body _fits; _it's just what I want. I want it to be flat there, and broad there, solid there, muscular there, there and there… and I want the kiss to feel like this, it want the scent to smell like this, the lips to taste like this. He pulls away teasingly and I bite his lip, causing him to grin. His hand makes its way up to my neck and he captures my lips again. It feels like we have all the time in the world, and nothing matters. We have no reason to stop.

Right?

I pull away and inhale deeply, hiding my face into his neck. Slowly returning to reality I realise what I'm doing and release him, stepping back. Realisation hits me like a ton of bricks.

I had no right to do that… What the _hell _gave me the idea that this was okay? It isn't right! I had no right to do that to myself, I had no right to do that to _him. We _have no right to do this to each other. So why did I think I had the fucking _right _to make out with him?

Taichi looks a little giddy and gazes at me through half-lidded eyes. I stare back.

"Matt?"

I turn around and get the hell out of there.

-------

…Which I _should've _done way before that.

You know what's funny, though? Right now I'm actually too tired to even think about it… Meh, I'll do that tomorrow.

* * *

Monday 08.20 a.m.

"Hey Tai."

"What's up Sora?" The brunet joins her on the bench after locking away his bag. Sora shoots him a glance that goes unnoticed by him. However, after a not so discreet watching of her brown-haired friend during a few seconds she gets busted. Taichi turns his head and raises his eyebrows questioningly.

"What?"

"Nothin'" she asserts, finding another spot to look at. Yamato soon arrives and they both greet him, Sora watching this one as well very closely. He sits down on her other side. After a few awkward minutes Sora breaks the silence.

"What's going on?" she asks firmly, looking back and forth between the two boys. Taichi looks at her startled, and hesitates a little before muttering,

"That's none of your business, Sora"

"None of my business? That's bullshit! _I'm _the one Matt called just minutes after throwing you out! _I'm _the one who comforted him!"

Taichi stares at her, blinking in surprise.

"Sora _shut up!" _Yamato growls from beside her, keeping an eye on the few students around the hall. Said girl rolls her eyes.

"It's not like they're listening..!" Before Yamato can reply, Taichi breaks in. "You told her?"

Again, Yamato doesn't get a chance to reply. "Of course he told me! You're obviously not capable of talking to each other by yourselves."

"We _did _talk!" Taichi bites back, glaring at her.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

They both quiet down and look up at Yamato who is standing in front of them, glaring at Sora.

"I don't want you to talk about this here." he says in a surprisingly calm voice. "You don't know anything, got it? And we didn't do anything." He glances at Taichi quickly. "Alright?"

"Right." Taichi replies dully. Sora stays silent. Yamato looks at her impatiently.

"Sora?"

She looks up. "_Fine. _But you keep shutting me out like this and you better not come asking for my help! I don't know why the hell I even bother"

Her two friends roll their eyes at her, both unaware of the other one doing the same. Sora frowns. "_What!_"

Yamato notices the brunet's similar reaction and smirks. To his dismay Taichi meets his eyes and he quickly goes back to looking at Sora, who's still waiting for an answer. Her friend beside her shakes his head. "You obviously don't get it so maybe you _shouldn't _bother."

Sora shoots him a dangerous glare and her winces, jumping off the bench.

"Class? Right? Like now?" he mumbles and head for his locker. Yamato takes one look at Sora and decides that class indeed should be starting like _right now. _The redhead looks after him as he makes his way over to his locker, growling to herself in frustration. "_You don't get it" Yeah right… get **what? **_

She stands up as well as the school bell rings, noting that the stupid football player's sense of time apparently isn't that bad. Opening her locker, she makes a mental note to herself to figure out this situation. Not to help any of them out though, just for her own amusement. She's going to find out how they truly feel and what they are denying (which is not that difficult if you think about it) and then sit back and watch all the drama, just to be able to run out and say 'I told you so' once they've finally got the picture as well. Sora collects her things and shuts her locker, smiling to herself. _They don't want my help then they aren't getting it. Still doesn't mean I can't observe from afar… _

You may wonder why she even cares, it's not like it's any of her business, right? Well see, Sora is just generally bored at the time. And as we all know, girls mostly find interfering with others love life (or perhaps _sex _life is more suitable in this case) highly exciting.

* * *

"Hey Tai, over here!"

The brunet's gaze lands on a blue-headed boy, sitting by a table not far away. Said teen waves casually and smiles, gesturing towards the empty chair across from his seat. Taichi shrugs and makes his way over to the table, nodding slightly at the bluenette.

"Sup Ken?" He sits down at the empty seat and begins to eat. Taichi's one of the few ones that _doesn't _whine about the school dinner. All he sees is free food to fill his stomach with, what it tastes like is not that important as long as he can eat it.

"Are you extremely hungry or just very dense?" Ken comments, staring at the eating boy in front of him.

"Why?"

"Well you're actually _eating _that"

"Yeah, so?"

Ken just shakes his head at him, grinning. "Where's Matt?"

Taichi glances up at him, and looks around the hall briefly. As usual he can't help but getting a little irritated being asked that, but this time he's actually wondering himself where his blond friend is. They've had separate classes before lunch, so he has hardly seen him since this morning. Ken notices the senior teen's frown and smiles to himself.

"There's something between you two, isn't there?"

The brunet is just about make up an answer and casually change subject when he accidentally meets his eyes.

"Wha, no, course not, wh… um, why do you, where did you get that, what the hell!" he exclaims as the bluenette keeps gazing at him as if he could look straight through him. "Stop doing that!"

"Stop doing what?" the other boy asks innocently.

"That… you… your…" Taichi stutters, pointing at him over the table. Then, while noticing some odd stares from the nearest tables, he offers a few smiles and pulls his arm back. He shakes his head, muttering "Whatever" to the human question mark in front of him and goes back to eating.

"You haven't answered my question." Ken reminds, glancing at him patiently.

"Yeah, well… it's none of your business anyway"

"So there _is _something?" The computer geek replies more as a statement than a question. The brunet sighs and glares at him for a moment.

"Eat your food."

"I won't tell anyone, don't worry." The genius promises, smiling. "I usually keep things to myself. Otherwise there wouldn't be any left and that'd be pretty boring, don't you think?"

"Oh I see" Taichi looks up again and meet his eyes. "Everyone tells you their darkest secrets, right? You know everything about everyone."

The bluenette shakes his head, giving him an amused look. "Not really. I just like observing."

"You mean you spy on people?" Taichi asks sceptically, raising an eyebrow as he turns his attention towards his food once again.

"No. There's no need to. Do you have any idea how much you can see when you actually _look?_" he says, eyes filled with mystery as well as excitement.

"Wait, don't tell me" Taichi stares off into space, wrinkling his forehead.

"What are you doing?" The younger teen asks, blinking in confusion.

"Thinking." Taichi mutters, still keeping the same expression. Then he sighs and looks back at Ken. "I have no idea."

"Oh. Well, um… a lot" Ken shrugs, not really getting where this was heading, nor what was going on in the brunet's head. "But that's besides the point… I've seen big changes between you two. There's something different. And I'm guessing you've got something going on."

"Like _what?" _Taichi snaps, glaring at him. Ken hesitates a little, shifting uncomfortably. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all…

"Well… some kind of flirt or at least attraction. But it was just a guess."

"You're wrong."

"Right." Ken nods, showing that he has no intention to argue with the elder boy. Taichi nods right back at him, smiling. He feels proud for convincing this blue-haired geek that nothing is going on –at least nothing that isn't _supposed _to be going on. If only Yamato could see him now, he'd be so proud.

* * *

Last period has ended and students are already leaving the school, lucky to have survived yet another Monday and already longing for the weekend. However, in one of the halls things are not all that peaceful.

The football player furiously storms up to the musician (yea, well… in this story Yamato does play guitar but that's unknown by most people and he's not in a band) who is standing by his locker, not giving the blond any chance to notice him before letting out his anger. At first it was just light and rather innocent annoyance, but during the day it's had its time to grow into confusion, form confusion into sullenest, and from sullenest into pure anger. Now he's downright pissed.

"What the hell, Matt!"

Startled, Yamato looks at his friend just to see a sharp glare being directed towards him. "Huh?"

"If you hadn't noticed, I'm the only one here who's trying to co-operate!" the brunet growls, stopping just inches away from Yamato's face. The blue-eyed boy blinks innocently and opens his mouth to ask what the hell his friend is talking about when Taichi interrupts him.

"_I'm _the one who has done nothing but trying to help and comfort you and _follow your demands _just because you decide to constantly freak out and panic! Not _once _did I argue or not listen, I was always showing sympathy and I was always there, waiting for you to talk to me whenever _you _felt like! And now you're fucking avoiding me when the only thing I've ever done is co-operating! Why do you always have to run away? You're such a coward! Such a _girl._"

Taichi barely has time to finish before Yamato's fist connects with his face.

There's a horrible moment of silence as his friend loses balance and hits the ground, his hands covering his mouth.

Then someone lets out a whistle, which is shortly followed by applause, cheers and complimentary comments. Yamato stares at the people that have gathered while Taichi was having his outbreak. Now, as the 'faggot' has actually managed to knock the football star down, they found nothing else more apropos than applauding. Yamato stands there for a while, taking in the comments and cheers from the students who have all spent the latest two weeks claiming that he's gay and gladly talked behind his back. And now they are all looking at him with stunned, admiring, and encouraging faces, their vision of him visibly growing in their eyes.

Yamato shakes his head, looking back at his friend. '_Idiots…' _

"What…? Matt, what the hell!"

He looks up into Sora's widened eyes, not having the time to say something before she glares up at him from where she's been staring at Taichi. Said teen is now puling himself up to a sitting position, still pressing his hand against his jaw. After hesitating for a few seconds, Yamato decides to deal with his injured friend rather than explaining to Sora.

"Tai, I'm really sorry. Really." He mumbles, kneels down and looks at him carefully. The brunet glances up at him through his bangs, sighing.

"Nice punch." He states, much to the blonde's surprise. "So much for calling you a girl, huh?" he smiles, standing up. After a moment, Yamato gets up to his feet as well. Sora can only stare as the two teens catches a few glances of each other, starts grinning and shrugs, brushing the whole fight off like it was nothing.

Yamato collects his things, hands Taichi his school bag and joins him on their way out, briefly waving goodbye to Sora. Said girl shakes her head in defeat, not bothering to even try to figure out what just happened there.

Guys are so simple sometimes it's confusing.

----

Yamato pats his brown-haired friend's shoulder in attempt to comfort, catching a glimpse of Taichi's eyes from under his bangs.

"You okay?"

His friend looks up from the ground. "Yeah I'm alright." He grins a little and Yamato lets his arm fall back to his side. They cross the schoolyard and walks out through the school-gate.

"Sorry I hit you" he mumbles, his blue eyes glued to the asphalt.

"Don't worry about it. I don't blame you."

Yamato smirks, shrugging slightly. They continue walking home in a comfortable silence, occasionally exchanging a few words along the way.

The musician feels strangely calm; as if he's got a feeling it's all finally over. Maybe things will start rolling again and all the mistakes will just fade away into the past.

Right now, as he walks on the cycle path beside his best friend, faintly smiling to himself, he has absolutely no idea that today his last piece of hope of him and the brown-eyed boy ever getting back to the way they used to be, will die down.

Stupid blond...

* * *

**tbc**

**So horribly, _horribly _short! Oh well…**

**Yes, I just gave you another cliff-hanger; I wont even try to deny it. If some of you out there find this fic very strange, I don't blame you one bit.**

**If you liked it please review, if you don't… bite me.**

**I'm just kidding, back off!**

**But no flames please, and no extremely harsh criticism! Makes me sad…**

**Well, thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: ...I'm just making a fanfiction, don't sue me! I just own my mind and this computer, k?**

**Warnings: Well, uh... I wouldn't recommend kids to read it, if ya know what I mean... So if you've been really really dense so far and haven't realised this is a malexmale kind of story, guess what? It is, so if ya don't like... yeah you know the rest.**

**There, I just made myself immune to flames. Man, I'm good...**

**Chapter 6**

"_No one needs to know" f_

_There was a short silence. Yamato continued to stare at the floor, not daring to look up. Tai was till sitting so close, if he would just look his way once he might do something. If he did, Yamato would have to stop him for the third time and that just sounded so hard he didn't want to risk it. _

He's freezing. There's goose-bumps all over his arms, legs and chest. He throws the window yet another look, noticing for the tenth time it's still closed. He's sweating, that's what's making him shiver from cold. At the same time he's burning hot. The sheets are moist from sweat and the cover is already ripped off in annoyance. It's lying in a pile on the floor beside his bed. He closes his eyes again and continues stroking himself, letting no noise whatsoever out through his close-bitten teeth. All the words, motions and noises are flashing through his head, letting him relive the event he's been trying to ignore the last couple of days.

_Tai sighed in frustration. "Matt, you can't possibly expect me to believe that you don't _want_ to." _

_Yamato frowned. Why was he so confident? Was it written all over his face? _

'Tai is so freakin' hot I just _can't _resist him!'_ Yeah right…_

…_right?_

"_Just get over yourself for once, will you" he mumbled, not sounding as convincing as he'd like to. They sat there silently, Yamato staring at the carpet, Taichi staring at… whatever he was staring at. _

"_Why do you try so hard?" The brunet asked softly. "You're not gonna lose anything, y'know. And you're definitely not gonna win anything by holding back." When Yamato didn't answer, Taichi gently lifted his chin to look him in the eye. Yamato batted it away, giving him a cold glare. He looked like a dreadful dog, protecting his food. If he'd be able to, the blond would've woofed. However, he wasn't a dog with sharp teeth, and his glare wasn't enough to stop the other boy. _

"_You're gay."_

_Yamato pounced on him, making the other teen hit his head on the couch. _

_However, the couch was quite soft so unfortunately for Yamato, he didn't hurt himself. Luck just didn't seem to be on the blonde's side this evening. _

_He pressed him down with all his weight, feeling a strong urge to just choke him right there. And at the same time, a strong urge to… do something else. Taichi grinned up at him, feeling slightly like an underdog being pinned down like this and dangerously glared at. But he had him right where he wanted him. He reached his hands out and stroked the blonde's hips. Yamato's glare changed into a frightened and almost begging stare. Perhaps because he was realising how much this was affecting him, how small his chance was to resist. He was loosing. _

_Taichi smiled and stroked his back, reached lower and massaged, squeezed and caressed with no mercy. Yamato shut his eyes, hanging his head. His breath was shaking slightly, still trying to hold back any possible sound that was threatening to escape his lips. Taichi pulled him down, forcing their midsections together. Yamato stifled a groan, burying his face into Taichi's shoulder. The brunet turned his head, searching for the blonde's lips. He kissed his cheek, temple and hair, trying to elicit the musician's hidden face. Finally Yamato's lips met his and he didn't think twice before slipping his tongue into his friend's mouth. _

He had no idea it would feel so good doing the wrong thing. It's like he's laughing at his paranoid self, ignoring its pleases for him to stop. Stop doing what he's not aloud to do. Not by anyone.

He likes that thought.

_Yamato was helpless, Taichi's hands continued to massage his thighs, stroking their way up over his ass, inciting him to grind down against him. They went down between his legs, stroking the inside of his thighs and other areas. Yamato moaned into the kiss and started to grind his hips uncontrollably. Taichi moaned back, affectionately kissing along his neck. The blond started panting, finding it harder and harder to be quiet when Taichi's hands were everywhere. Trying to control the situation at least a little, he started fighting for dominance by intensifying the kiss and grab on to the brunet's hair. Taichi moaned, arching up towards him. Obviously Yamato wasn't the only one starting to lose control. _

His mouth drops open and he tilts his head back as he intensifies the act, biting his teeth harder to hold back a groan. He can still feel Taichi's body under him, arching and moving in impatience. Longing for his. He has to force himself to keep to the original story, but it's hard not to add details. Still, reality is so much more arousing than fantasy, no matter how kinky the fantasy might be. And this playing in his mind is real.

_Yamato hardly remembered the other teen leading him into his own bedroom, gently closing the door behind them. He wasn't really aware of his clothes being pulled off and thrown on the floor. He barely noticed anything until Taichi's naked body lay down over him and his mouth covered his once again, sending waves of pleasure throughout his body._

_----_

Yamato stares at his reflection, searching for something in those sharp blue eyes. The cold light in the bathroom makes him look sick. Maybe he _is _sick. He's been staring at his reflection for so long he doesn't recognise it anymore. There's no character in it, just a sick-looking, empty person with piercing blue eyes. He's not in shock any longer, though. His breathing has gone back to normal, his cheeks are cool again and the cold sweat has dried, forming a thin layer on his skin. He should shower. That's what he had planned to do when he'd bolted into the bathroom in the first place.

Minutes ago, maybe ten –or thirty even. An hour? Somehow he had ended up staring at himself in the mirror, not moving an inch. He briefly wonders what time it is, thinking that he should try to get some sleep for school the next morning. Then he goes back to the present and stares at his creepy reflection. Searching. Asking. Waiting.

_The feeling was so intense he wanted to scream just to release some of the tension that was building up. Taichi hips rocked with his, his legs smoothly running along his, his mouth all over his neck and ear, making his skin wet from his hot breathing. With his hands over his, holding his arms over his head loosely, he grinded his hips again and Yamato let out a loud groan._

He manages to tear himself away from the empty eyes and head for the shower, instantly being reminded of the shame. It hadn't even been a dream. There is nothing innocent or random in what he's done no matter how he tries to look at it. He hadn't even _tried_ to escape the thoughts of his best friend. The bare thought still gives him those weird feelings, as he stands in the shower ready to turn the water on. He can't even blame it on not realising what it was, or not understanding. Because he got it alright. How can you not get it when you're consciously thinking back of when you had sex with your male friend, replaying it over and over and shamelessly jerking off as you lay there in your bed with your eyes closed, screwing everything else?

After all he has done to control himself and convince everyone that he's straight, Yamato was almost devastated when he realised he'd let himself down by fantasising about another male after waking up in the middle of the night, not being able to go back to sleep.

Just like that.

_From there on everything went fast. His legs were shortly pulled up around Taichi's hips and his mouth was parted from his, being left missing the warmth and then rapidly shutting to hold back a cry of pain._

Yamato closes his eyes as the water pours down over him. It's official then.

He's into guys. He's attracted to _Taichi, _out of all people, and not only has he already slept with him; he'd like to do it again. And again, and again…

So… what to do next?

'_I'll have to avoid Tai, obviously. I can't be his friend anymore; I was stupid to think that in the first place. If necessary I'll avoid Sora as well. It's for the best anyway.'_

Yamato sighs and tilts his head back, letting the hot water run down his face.

Once he's cleaned himself –already in a slightly better mood- he steps out and dries himself up, ready to get at least a few hours sleep before going to school.

**_o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o_**

Tuesday 10.25 AM

"You've seen Matt?"

Sora sighs, throwing her brown-headed friend a look. "That's the third time you've asked that and no, I haven't seen him."

The brunet grumbles something, sulking. He slumps down beside her.

"Thought we finally were okay y'know, and then he starts again… I don't get him! Not even _girls_ are that complicated."

Sora shakes her head in agreement. "Nope." She feels a very strong urge to comment on her friend's sudden need to talk to _her _about his love-problems. Or friend-problems, she' not even sure of _what _it is by now. But why would she care; it's not her problem. She glances at Taichi, sighing again at the frown on his face. Her problem or not, her friend is down and she's the only one there to comfort. "Look, maybe it's just a coincidence. This doesn't _have to _mean he's avoiding you."

Taichi merely shakes his head. "It's not a coincidence. He was weird yesterday too."

"You mean when he hit you?" Sora asks, tilting her head.

"No, not that." Taichi pauses, shrugging. "Well yeah, that was weird too, but I mean after that. When we were at my place. Everything seemed fine like we were just friends, y'know? But then he started getting so tense. Like when he was going to clean my face up cuz it had blood on it and everything…"

"You mean he actually _hurt_ you?" Sora interrupts, looking worried.

Taichi pauses and blinks, briefly loosing the thread. "No, it was just a small scratch but he wanted to clean it; went on about blood poisoning and shit." he smirks, shaking his head. "So I let him because he's so freakin stubborn, and then I happened to look at him cuz he was practically blocking everything else… and he got awkward! And not just a little awkward." Taichi goes silent, observing a few students passing. After a couple of seconds Sora looks at him.

"What do you mean 'not just a little'?"

Taichi blinks, looking up at her. "Oh, uh… he refused to finish and ran home." He shrugs.

"Weird."

"Jepp." Taichi spots a redhead through he crowd, straightening. "Hey, Koushiro! You've seen Blondie?"

Koushiro stops and looks around, finds him and Sora sitting in one of the couches and shakes his head in response, shrugging. "Sorry."

"Well let me know if you do." Taichi mumbles, sinking back into the couch with a disappointed look on his face.

Koushiro nods. "Sure Taichi." He disappears into the crowd again leaving the two teens.

"You should leave him alone, Tai." Sora mutters from his right, sinking

deeper into the couch.

"Who? Izzy? I just asked if..."

"No I mean Matt. Remember him?"

The brown-eyed teen glares at her. "I did that, remember? _That _turned out just great, didn't it?"

"But that's what I'm saying! He's too sensitive for this. He can't _handle_ it. Don't you see?" She shifted to face him fully. "You can't go back, you've already failed miserably. Stop trying before you end up _hating_ each other."

Taichi stares at her, the words finally sinking in. "You mean stop being friends?" He pauses and waits for a 'no, I didn't mean it like _that_…' but all he gets is silence and Sora carefully studying his reaction.

"You're kidding, right?"

Sora shrugs and Taichi gaps at her. "What the hell's got into you? How can you even _suggest_ that?"

"Because you're too blind to see he's not worth it!" Sora exclaims, looking deep into his eyes, trying to make him understand. However, all she can see in those dark brown eyes is confusion, shock and anger. He stands up, leaving without another word. She looks after him. '_Why can neither of them listen? Are they being stupid on purpose? _It's not she doesn't realise how precious their friendship has been to both of them, she just doesn't get why they keep ignoring the fact that it's not going back. It'll never be the same.

She gases after him worriedly. He's not storming away, like Yamato would've done. The football player just walks slowly as if he's just shutting everything out, too tired to listen.

**_o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o_**

He is once again having lunch without his best friend. This time he doesn't have any company at all. Not that he'd want any, all though usually he doesn't like eating alone without anyone to talk to, but this day he doesn't feel the need to talk to anyone. Sora's words keep echoing in his head, even though he doesn't want to listen. They hurt. Not only because his childhood friend actually thinks that after all this time he and Yamato had grown to become friends, but because she's usually right.

What if she's right this time as well?

There's a _reason _Taichi always comes back every time Yamato push him away, stubbornly forcing himself past his mask and cool eyes to find the human in there. And kick that human's ass for pushing him away in the first place. There's a reason he puts up with everything, and always gives him another chance. The reason he does is because he's seen the side no one else has. First time he saw that side, all his worries of that his endless efforts might have been a waste of time, disappeared. Yamato is a person who grows. He's not that kind of person who gives it all the first few days and then starts disappointing as the truth comes out. As the _real _person starts to become visible. The more Taichi got to know him, the more everything started to pay off. All the efforts and suffering and constant rejection was more than made up for.

Sure, he didn't completely change into a wonderful person just because Taichi discovered his real self. But the brunet always knew it was there and once he'd seen it, he never wanted to lose it. It was a comfort knowing that deep down Yamato cared, and wanted him to stay.

_So Sora can just shut up about leaving him, because that is not happening,_ Taichi thinks to himself. _I'd rather have it the other way._

He had earned Yamato's trust and he still earns it. He's not going to throw that away and leave. He doesn't want to either, no matter how difficult his friend is being at the time. That side of him is still there, very well hidden, but it's still there…

"Thinking now again?"

Taichi looks up into a pair of purple eyes and frowns, looking away. "What do you want?"

"Nothing. I just couldn't find an empty seat other than here. Do you mind if I…"

"Yes."

Ken is silent for a moment, hesitating. "Was that a 'yes, you can sit here' or 'yes, I do mind'?"

"I don't feel like talking okay? Why do think I'm sitting here alone?" Taichi glares up at him again.

Ken blinks a few times before frowning a little. "I'm not going to talk to you. I just think it'd be pretty difficult to eat while standing up."

Taichi makes a face at that comment, glaring back at the table. "Well I don't care, you can stand all you want."

"With all do respect, this is a public place for everyone. I'm sorry if you don't want my company but I'm taking that seat." He puts his tray down across from the brunet, ignoring his intense glare.

"Don't you have friends?" Taichi rudely bursts out, giving him a belittle look.

"I mean you can't just come here hoping that I would wanna sit here and listen to your fucking theories about me, just because no one else wants to either!"

For a short moment he expects the younger boy to get upset or at least offended, but he just bluntly stares back at him.

"You're really frustrated, aren't you?" he asks, observing him narrowly. "You're pretty rude to take that out on me, but I guess a can overlook that considering what you're going through."

"Ugh, you're so annoying, you know that?" Taichi growls with a reproachful look on his face.

Ken smiles and shrugs. "Been told that a few times."

They sit in silence for a while. Taichi starts eating again and Ken attempts to try out the food as well, but wrinkles his nose once he smells it and puts the fork back on the plate. He takes a sip of his water instead, looking back at the elder teen.

"So you don't want to talk about it?"

Taichi looks up at him warningly and the purple-eyed boy holds his hands up in defence. "Alright, I won't ask again."

**_o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o_**

Yamato stares at the blackboard dully, blocking everything out. He hasn't listened to one word the teacher's been saying; he's been too busy trying to convince himself that everything is fine.

Today luck has finally been with him, keeping him from bumping into to the brunet that he is avoiding. _Temporally avoiding_, he corrects himself. _Once he gets the message he'll probably give up. Or Sora will talk him into giving up._

And then everything will work out…

He won't destroy everything by letting Taichi know how he feels. Why not stop now before everything gets worse? It's bad enough that he didn't get it earlier. He should've got the hint when they made out in the bathroom. He should've got the hint when he couldn't take his eyes off him that day Taichi took him home to rest. He should've got the hint when he let Taichi trick him into bed. He should've got the hint when he kissed him, when it felt just like what they try to describe in all the romantic chick-movies. He should've got the hint when he could hardly look at him yesterday, when he couldn't help but avoid him. He should've got the hint when he got absolutely paralysed just because his warm brown eyes were directed towards him.

But no, he kept on denying. He didn't admit it until he found himself fantasising about him just end up jerking off, not able to stop himself.

That was too obvious to deny.

Yamato shakes his head, he shouldn't think about that. Not only because it is very inappropriate, but also because if he even starts, he won't be able to stop. That was what had happened yesterday, when everything had seemed so normal for once….

_Flashback_

"Just sit still and stop whining!"

Yamato's hands, that had been so hesitant and boggling at first, -almost afraid to touch him- were now pulling Taichi's head back stubbornly, forcing him to face him.

"Alright, alright" The brunet growled, glaring up at him. Yamato continued to clean his jaw-line with that annoying wad of cotton that just kept stinging whenever it made contact with the open wound –which it constantly did since that was what Yamato had insisted to clean up. He didn't even know what that scorching liquid was, but he decided not to ask. He observed the blue-eyed boy for a while, wishing he'd finish already. Not that he was a wimp or anything, but this felt very unnecessary.

Yamato noticed his gaze after a while, meeting it with his own. To his surprise he felt his heart speed up when he looked into those brown orbs.

Not because the look actually _meant_ something, it was just a very weird reaction he got with no particular reason. It made him freeze, wondering what the hell was going on. But instead of calming down (even though he tried his hardest) he started to mentally hear the brown-haired boy breathe into his ear, letting out soft moans of pleasure with that deep sensual voice. His heavy breathing and moans filled Yamato's head up, making a deep blush spread over his cheeks. He could feel fingertips wandering over his skin, curiously exploring his body, growing more and more brave by every second and every noise that the blond boy made.

Taichi stared oddly at him, raising an eyebrow. "Matt?"

He stood up, no –_jumped _up from his chair as if it had been on fire. Taichi nearly fell on his ass since the other teen's knee almost knocked his chair over. He looked up at him, confused and surprised, but didn't get a single word out before his friend had slammed the front door shut behind him.

_Present_

It's not that he doesn't understand why he acts and feels this way. You could just ask any other sixteen year-old guy to be around the girl he's into and see how _he_'d act. People act stupid around the persons they like. _Want, _or whatever. That's why they don't talk to them –unless they're one of those annoyingly confident people who actually _can _do that- and just observe from afar. Why should _he _have to constantly be around the guy he wanted right now? The guy he fantasised about. The guy he couldn't look in the eye. The one he acted weird around. The one he had to pull away from.

His best friend.

_Just two more classes and then I'm free,_ Yamato thinks in an attempt to cheer himself up. _Then I've made the first day. First day is always the worst…_

**_o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o_**

His blond-haired friend is currently out of Taichi's head. He's walking through the hall, just ended last period and heading for his locker in the next corridor. Beside him is one of his playmates joining him, chatting about last game, the next game, and everything having to do with football. Taichi isn't complaining. For the first time this Tuesday he's not pondering over his missing buddy, but simply chatting away like any other normal teen without problems should do. He hasn't realised before now, but he has actually missed that. This whole drama with Yamato has taken a lot of his attention and time, which he hasn't really noticed until now when he's finally blocking that out and focusing on other stuff.

Happily unaware of who is about to show up, Yamato is just about to close his bag, softly humming on a song he often plays at home (low enough for no one to hear of course) with a faint smile on his face. To his own surprise he has actually survived the day, without any anxiety attacks whatsoever, and no involuntary meetings with his no-longer best friend.

Lifting his bag and swinging it over his shoulder, he slowly starts walking towards the exit. His class had ended early, due to a confused and pretty much helpless sub, who had let them leave since there weren't anything left for them to do in there. It wasn't his fault however, not entirely. When the students found out the teacher didn't have any tasks left for them planned, they saw their way out. And when it comes to escape class just a _little _bit earlier (especially the last one of the day), students always manage to co-operate.

Yamato isn't completely sure, but he's got a feeling it was the substitute from that detention he had a while a go. The one he had together with Taichi. The one they escaped. None of that information would specify any detention since Yamato often got one, Taichi often got one at the same time, and they often escaped… But it was the one (and only) time they'd had that moody one with an "_extreme_ headache" and light blue eyes. Fortunately for Yamato, he (if it even _was _him) hadn't recognised him this time.

Just as he walks out of the school, he hears someone calling after him. Just a second later he can hear someone running after. And that person's horrifyingly familiar voice makes his light mood sink and makes him freeze right at the spot.

So close….

----

Taichi's gaze happens to land on a head filled with dirty blond hair. For some reason it stays there for several seconds before he actually realises whom the owner of that hair is. Successfully interrupting his playmate in a middle of a sentence, he exclaims 'Matt' and adds a quick 'bye' before he runs off. The cut-off teen stops, staring after him. Then he mutters 'weirdass' and glares a little before brushing it off and continuing through the hall.

----

"Matt!" Taichi yells as the stupid –and apparently deaf- musician walks out through the doors. He follows desperately, slamming the doors open and stops dead to see his friend already standing still in the middle of the schoolyard with his bag over his shoulder and back against him.

"Matt! Where've you been? Why are you avoiding me? What the hell's _wrong?" _Taichi's voice is just getting more desperate and louder with each unanswered question. "What did I…? Hey, wait up!"

He easily catches up with the already walking boy and blocks the way. Yamato tries to get pass but the brunet –being the mature guy he is- stubbornly follows his every move, keeping him from getting away.

"What the hell's wrong, Matt? Why did you act so weird yesterday? Did I do somethin'? Or say? _What did I do? Why aren't you answering? Why…?"_

"SHUT UP!" Matt explodes, then immediately tries to calm himself down from having an outbreak that has threatened to come out the whole day.

He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, bracing himself. Then he manages to say the words. The whole sentence comes out, even though he thought that was impossible. But he doesn't manage to look his friend in the eye and maybe that's why it doesn't convince the brunet enough to leave him the hell alone.

"What do you mean we're not friends anymore? Why not? I thought we were supposed to move on?" Taichi rambles, not making any sense out of that sudden answer. Still the blond had said it like it explains everything, like he should just say 'oh' and walk away. He automatically throws out an arm when Yamato makes his second try to get home.

"Don't be an idiot for once." The blond says with a steady voice, sounding way more impassive than he's feeling inside.

Taichi looks like a child who's just been hit by his dad without knowing the reason why. The expression on his face practically screams out "what did I do?" But Yamato doesn't see it. He _can't _look at him. He's got to make it.

Taichi lets him pass, his eyes following him for a long minute.

Then he runs after.

**I hadn't planned to end this chapter here. But then I decided it was a good place to stop, _and _it became a cliffhanger! Don't know about you guys, but I'm really starting to like those, haha. **

**I'm sorry for those of you who expected lemon, but it was better than nothing, eh? I promise it'll come.**

**Oh, I almost forgot, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! XD It's such a motivation, you have no idea how much I appreciate them. So keep'em coming cuz I need them!**

**Thanks for your time. **


	7. Chapter 7

_Please give up, please give up, please give up, please… Let him give up…_

"Yamato, quit bitching and open the fucking door!"

Taichi has been banging on that door for ten minutes. He's tried everything; begging, alluring, nagging, whining, demanding, threatening, pleading and of course constantly knocking. Nothing has worked so far.

"I'm not gonna give up, you hear that? And then your dad'll come home and I'll say you wont let me in and he's gonna let me in!"

Yamato rolls his eyes. He knew Taichi would go there sooner or later. Right now he sounds just like child who's threatening to 'tell mommy'. He feels slightly tempted to yell '_he's not coming back for the next fifty minutes anyway_' back, ending with a teasing laugh just to piss him of. But that would be sinking to Taichi's level and he's not supposed to respond anyway.

Taichi sighs and sinks down to his knees, leaning his forehead against the door.

"Maaaaaaaatt" he whines, banging stubbornly. "Pleeeeeeease let me in… if you let me in I promise I'll fuck you" he adds, just low enough for the neighbours not to hear. He knows that last line was a pretty stupid thing to say, but right now he's willing to try anything.

"You know you'd want that" he continues, letting his voice drop an octave.

"I'll do anything you say Matt, I'll make you feel good." He murmurs to the Ishida's door using the sexiest voice he can muster, partly to make the blond uncomfortable and let him in just so that he'd shut up. "Come on Matt, I'll make you scream my name, I'll do you on the kitchen table or wherever you want it!" he says a little louder, hardly keeping himself from laughing. He almost expects some old lady to open her door and tell him to show some manners. Or whatever it is old ladies say to boys that are trying to work their best friend up through a door.

To his surprise (well maybe he was expecting it just a little) Yamato unlocks the door and opens it. Taichi clumsily gets out of the way and stands up.

Yamato looks at him, standing in the doorway. His cheeks are a little flushed and he looks embarrassed. Taichi knew he would break and let him in before any of the neighbours would hear.

----

"Maaaaaaat" the Idiot whines, still banging. "Pleeeease let me in!"

Yamato sighs deeply, closing his eyes. _And he's back to whining…_

"If you let me in I promise I'll fuck you" Taichi says in a playful voice, low but still annoyingly loud enough. Yamato feels his heart skip a beat and a shiver goes through his body.

_Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him… _

"You know you'd want that. I'll do anything you say Matt, I'll make you feel good…"

Yamato shuts his eyes and tries to push back the thoughts that are already taking over. Lips under his ear, Taichi's surprisingly movable hips rolling over his, hands wondering, teasing, exploring, testing and pleasing him till he can't hold back moans of pleasure. His clothes just disappearing and Taichi's eyes taking him in the best he can in the dark.

"Come on Matt, I'll make you scream my name, I'll do you on the kitchen table or wherever you want it!"

He sounds amused, but it doesn't help Yamato to calm down. Even though it's just a joke it still gets to him. He unlocks the door and opens it.

Taichi stumbles up from where he apparently has been sitting on the floor.

They observe each other for a while. Yamato glances around to see if anyone's there to see them, and pulls Taichi in.

He shuts the door and faces the hesitant brunet, who doesn't seem to know what to expect.

"Fine." He mutters, a familiar blank expression on his face. "But you better be good at it."

Taichi's eyebrows fly up and he laughs embarrassed, placing a hand behind his neck. The look on his face makes Yamato want to leap on him.

"Um…"

He's cut off when Yamato grabs his wrist and drags him with him. Taichi, confused and slightly awkward, follows him into his bedroom. Yamato shuts the door behind them and leads him to the bed. When he faces the brunet he's greeted with a 'what the hell?' look on his normally carefree face.

"Dad's home in fifty, no" Yamato gives the clock a quick glance, "Forty-five minutes." He says no more, just giving him a suggestive look that says it all.

"Wait, you're serious?" Taichi blurts out, staring at him. Yamato rolls his eyes and attacks his lips.

The football star gives out a muffed noise and falls down on the bed, followed by the horny blond. Yamato prods his lips open and enters his mouth, feeling a strong relief of finally getting to do that. Taichi, after a short moment of shock, responds and wraps his arms around Yamato's waist. They kiss intensively, the musician all the while prompting and hastening, grabbing Taichi's t-shirt and pulling it off quickly. He strokes his hands all over the brunet's chest while kissing him deep and passionately, making said boy utter content noises into the kiss. Yamato straightens and pulls his shirt off, throwing it out of the way. He unbuttons Taichi's jeans and pulls the sip down, drags them down his legs and moves to pull them off completely. Taichi just watches him in amazement, never expected his friend to rip his clothes off like he was doing right now. Figuring he shouldn't make Yamato do all the work, he starts working on the blonde's jeans as well, undoing them and unzipping. With Yamato's help he removes the jeans and let them fall to the floor. Yamato hurriedly drags Taichi's boxers down and the brunet's mouth drops. _'Damn, he's horny.' _Yamato lets the last piece of clothing land on the floor and quickly looks him over, smiling in satisfaction. Taichi pulls the blue-eyed teen's boxers down as well, -not too fond of being the only one naked- and pulls him down, letting their erections connect. Yamato moans and grinds eagerly, breathing into the brunet's neck.

"Touch me" he murmurs, panting a little. "Now!" he ads hurriedly, as Taichi doesn't immediately respond. Taichi rolls him over to his back and wraps his fingers around Yamato's arousal. Not wasting any time, or risking another irritated command; Taichi starts pumping him, immediately speeding up when hearing encouraging whines from the blond.

Yamato lets his arms fall to his sides and rests his head back against the pillow, breathing heavily. The feeling is amazing and he had no idea he'd been longing for it this long. Tired of the drab work, Taichi's hand begins to wander, light fingers teasing and caressing. Yamato lets out a groan in protest, pushing his hand away. Taichi gives him a confused look and mumbles 'sorry', not receiving any response. Yamato takes a look at the clock, relieved to see that there's lots of time left. He turns to the other boy, leans over and climbs onto him, knees on each side of his hips.

"Remember your promise?" he asks lowly, not managing to hide a coy smile.

Taichi blinks slowly, trying to think straight. "Promise?" No success, many things are distracting right now.

"Yeah, your promise. _Remember?_" Yamato repeats, giving him a sharp look.

But it's not enough to make the boy underneath focus.

"Um…"

Yamato lets out an irritated sigh, rapidly lying down next to him. If it weren't for his hormones he would've given up by now. Throwing a steady arm around the other boy's waist, he rolls him onto himself, letting the football player's legs rest between his own. He smirks when a light blush colours the tanned boy's cheeks.

"Remember now?" he asks, burying his gaze into Taichi's slightly unsure one.

"For real?" Taichi manages to choke out, not exactly expressing himself the way he wants to. "I mean…"

"Yes, for real" Yamato quickly assures, growing impatient. He wraps his legs around the brunet's waist, adjusting his body the best he can. Taichi is still hesitant.

"Shouldn't I…"

"No, it's alright, just do it." Yamato hastens, on the line of getting desperate. "Please."

He briefly regrets that command when a shocking pain shoots through his body. He can't blame it on Taichi; the brown-eyed teen is being as careful as he possibly can be. But it's not enough to keep the blonde from feeling like he's about to break into two halves. Yamato keep his mouth tightly shut, not feeling like making Taichi worried. That would only slow things down. He manages to pray one eye open to look at the clock, noting that they should really hurry up unless they want Yamato's dad to walk in on them.

"Are you okay?" the teen on top asks worriedly, his length buried into the blonde's body.

"Move" Yamato groans, shutting his eyes again. Taichi obeys, shortly working up a nice rhythm that for a few blessing seconds pleases the blue-eyed boy. He gives him one last command to speed up before letting go, allowing the brunet to blow his mind. Taichi's in heaven as he passionately thrusts in and out of the gorgeous body under him, hearing groans and soft cries out of one hundred percent pure pleasure. Yamato has lost control of himself and the football player is enjoying the hell out of it.

Sadly, everything has got to end sometime. The two boys' bliss ends rather quickly, leaving them sweaty and panting and, well… pretty much in a mess.

Yamato is the first to recover, turning his head to see that there's only about ten minutes left before his dad will come home. Taichi catches his breath slowly, enjoying the peaceful moment. The fact that he's still lying on top of his friend doesn't seem to bother him.

"Wow." He breathes out, nuzzling his face into Yamato's neck.

"Off."

"…huh?" Taichi pulls himself up to look at him, just about to catch Yamato's eyes when two hands push him away, making the brown-headed boy roll off and land on his back beside his friend. He opens his mouth to ask something, not completely sure of _what _exactly, when the blond gets out of the bed, heading towards the door.

"Where're you goin'?" Taichi calls after him, blinking.

"Gonna take a shower. You should get dressed."

Taichi frowns a little, staring after the naked teen as he enters the bathroom and shuts the door behind him. Then he shrugs and lets his head fall back against the soft pillow. He grins up at the ceiling, stretching his legs out in the warm sheets. Still warm after what they've done.

"Amazing…" he mumbles lazily, rubbing his eyes. With a soft smile on his face, he gets out of the warm bed and collects his clothes. He could use a shower too, but he figures that can wait until he gets home, no point wasting time now if Mr Ishida could walk through that door any minute.

Done getting dressed, he walks out of Yamato's bedroom and knocks lightly on the bathroom door.

"Matt? I'm leaving now."

Yamato doesn't answer so he knocks again. "Matt?"

"Alright, will you get out of here already! He'll be here any _second, _which part of that didn't you understand?"

Taichi looks at the door for a short moment, sulking a little. "…'kay. Bye?"

"Bye"

Taichi walks out of the apartment, takes the stairs down just in case and fortunately doesn't meet Yamato's dad. _Perhaps Mr Ishida is late_, he thinks to himself, grinning like an idiot. Not because of the thought of Mr Ishida being late, but because of what he has spent this afternoon doing.

----

**...ya'll hate me now, don't you? Ah well...**

xxxxxxxxxxx

**There's some things I have to say, and if you're going to review this chapter you should read this before you do. **

**I am SICK of all the complaining about my bad spelling/grammar. Not because I refuse to admit that it's true -I believe you, trust me- but because I'm forced to read it again and again. The real reason it bothers me a lot is because I think I'm getting a little over-estimated. Just let me give some information here that I'm guessing you didn't know of. **

**I'm sixteen years old. And I'm from Sweden. I've studied English since I was nine and I think I'm quite a good speller considering my age. So why you (at least some) keep expecting me to be _perfect_, I have no idea. And it's not exactly making me feel better.**

**Don't get me wrong here, I appreciate your criticism and advises. But my point is -I _get_ it! It's been delivered, it's sunk in so please get off my back! You're not _paying_ to read this story; if you're looking for correct grammar and spelling then buy a fucking book! **

To everyone out there who's been encouraging me and reviewed all my chapters: I seriously love you.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

**Four months, four weeks and one day.**

**-**

**Not cool**

**-**

**...sorry **

* * *

Chapter 8

* * *

Please tell me you're kidding!"

o-o-o-o

During the last couple of weeks the redheaded girl's surroundings had changed dramatically. From having her two guy friends to joke and chat with, it had gone to comforting Yamato (without progress) and keeping him company, to being stuck in the extremely awkward space between the guys, to witness them being more than friendly all of a sudden, to see Yamato fall into depression, to be the loyal and comforting friend telling Yamato that being gay isn't the end of the world, to get stuck in an even _more_ awkward space between them, to listen to Taichi's endless wining about the other avoiding him, and finally being the one to tell the brunet to give up.

-

Taichi blinked innocently –well, he _would've _looked innocent if he'd been able to wipe the grin off his face- tilting his head slightly to elucidate that he had no idea what she was talking about. The truth is that he actually _didn't. _

"What?" came the surprised and slightly hesitant reply.

"You think I'm stupid? You think I'm too blind to see? Tai, it's written all over you! What the _hell _did you do to him?"

Taichi's eyes darkened and his grin suddenly disappeared. Then he sighed and shook his head. "Sora, don't jump to conclusions, alright? It wasn't me this time."

Sora's amber eyes narrowed as she studied his face suspiciously. "What do you mean?"

Taichi's grin returned and his eyes lit up, making him look like a dog receiving a bone. (A/N: no bad thoughts here, people!!) "He wanted me. _He _wanted _me, _not the other way around! Well… 'course the other way around too, but… Sora, he came on to me. And we-"

"_Again?" _

Sora buried her face into her hands, shaking it dramatically. She looked up again, staring at him with devastated eyes. "Tai, how could you let that happen?"

Taichi raised his eyebrows. "Wha…? No, you don't get it –this is a _good_ thing!"

Sora snorted, turning away from him and started pacing back and forth. She suddenly stopped and turned to him again. "How?"

Taichi looked up and blinked, opening his mouth to respond. Before he could she interrupted him. "_How _is this a good thing? Are you two friends? Are you dating? Do even give a shit about each other?"

"Sora, calm down… this isn't another mistake, or another crisis. It's just sex, damn it! We both wanted to, no one got forced. Everything's fine." He grinned again, throwing his arms out. "I'm happy! See?"

She looked at him with a mix of contempt and disbelief, but she couldn't find anything fake in that smile, so she sighed, giving up.

"Alright. I guess I should believe you." She threw him another doubtful look. As weird as it seemed, she couldn't force herself to think that he was lying. Taichi couldn't lie about being happy. If he was, it shone right through him. The tanned boy could however lie about being miserable. He was very good at throwing on a happy face. Sora had known him for long enough to see the difference between the happy face and actual happiness.

But there was still one thing to worry about.

* * *

Thursday 1.55 P.M.

Walking through the hall, carrying a thick textbook in a hideous mix of sage-green and purple, wearing a blank expression that stopped most eyes to notice him, Yamato Ishida was on his way to his locker. Some heads still turned, perhaps two or three, which was a small number considering the overfilled corridor of chattering teenagers. Most people had forgotten the rumour that had started three weeks ago. Yamato was finally invisible again.

School had been working surprisingly well this day and he had for once been able to keep his focus throughout the classes. He hadn't even back-talked Mr Watanabe, which surprised both his teacher and him.

The only times he spent in the hallway he knew Sora and Taichi would be in, was when he had to get his books for class. But he had still managed to avoid talking to them or being spotted.

The two football-players' absence didn't really bother him, and he didn't feel any need to talk to either of them. The fact that he'd practically spent the whole day alone with hardly anyone to talk to, was something he hadn't bothered to think of. Nor did he mind everyone ignoring him. This new understanding he had with Taichi was probably the main thing to keep him from losing his mind, plus it was way better than jerking off. He was finally free from all the drama, the angst, the painful desire and shame. Now all he had got to do is start living again.

Reaching his goal, he opened his locker and put his book back. The area he was currently standing in was the one with the highest risk of meeting one of the football players. Yamato had no shared classes with either one of them today, and he was glad to have escaped any needless trouble.

Walking towards him, listening to some loud music that should make his ears explode but for some odd reason didn't, Taichi noticed the other boy and stopped immediately, quickly turning off his mp3. Yamato turned around, not once looking at him and started to walk back the way he came from. The confused brunet made several attempts to speak, move, shout or just _do _something, but none were very successful. He ended up staring after him as he walked out of his vision of sight.

The blond was frowning slightly as he walked; annoyed by his sudden bad luck.

_He'll learn, Matt, _a comforting voice said in his head. _Tomorrow he's got it. _

Yamato smiled inwardly, a smile that almost reached his delicate features. Then he turned left and entered class.

_o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o_

At was a miracle that he hadn't even noticed her intense gaze. If he had, he would've cringed under it, begging her to stop looking at him like that. But he was currently zoning out, head threatening to tilt down from his right palm that was supporting it, which would naturally lead to him jerking it back up and looking around with a confused and drowsy expression.

So he was tired. Okay, not the same thing as miserable, and not the same thing as trying to _hide _that he's miserable. Just… tired. She sighed, briefly looking away from her observing-object. She couldn't help it; he was _supposed _to be depressed by the way Yamato was still avoiding him, even after…

To her, that was a pretty good reason _not _to ignore someone. Of course that's just the way guys work, isn't it?

She jerked slightly when feeling a light hand on hers and came back to reality. Mimi's hand, that had for one second pulled away again when noticing her reaction, rested on hers. "Are you okay, Sora?"

"I'm fine." She sighed, throwing her friend an apologising look for not having the strength to, well, _act _fine.

Mimi studied her with concern, then finally gave up, figuring they'd talk about it at another time. Koushiro, sitting across the table, was still talking to Ken about his latest updated program about God knows what, –she'd never get what the hell was coming out of that guy's mouth- the reason Taichi, who was sitting next to the genius, was falling asleep of course. It was one of the few days when her schedule matched theirs and she could actually have lunch with them. Then there were the even fewer days when Koushiro's best friend Joe could join them. That had happened three times.

The redhead beside her looked at Taichi once again, frowning. _Even if he's dense now, doesn't mean he won't get hurt eventually. And the longer it takes, the more it'll hurt._

_o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o_

Taichi had never in his life observed his friend for so long.

To have walked behind him for the latest ten minutes, he'd discovered many fascinating things. He walked in a very interesting way, unable to be described. Not slutty, like a girl. Not stiff, like a guy. Not overdone, like a "cool" dude. Just…

_Man, what a weird way to walk in, _he thought for the tenth time, shaking his head. The reason he was walking 20 feet behind the musician was because he had not yet found the courage to approach him, much less speaking. Plus he had a feeling that wasn't such a good idea. _Don't poke the bear. _He snickered at the thought of his friend as an angry bear, chasing annoying kids and growling. Then he shook that thought away, rolling his eyes at himself. After all, he had better things to do.

His eyes returned to Yamato's back, studying with interest. When he finally came to the spot where their shared way home split, Taichi sighed to himself and started walking his own way, feeling a little weird doing that without the usual "see ya" or "bye". Busy with feeling sorry for himself, he almost missed Yamato's words.

"Where're you going?"

Taichi spun around, founding his friend standing right at the spot where their separate ways met. It was an invasion, not a question. Even though it didn't _sound _very inviting, it were the keywords for _I want you to follow me home and fuck my brains out. _Okay so it didn't necessarily mean the last part, but Taichi was obviously not going to be home for the next hour or so.

All of this raced through Taichi's head, as he just stared at him, careful not to smile or look smug or even hopeful. One mistake and Yamato might get mad and this would be all over.

Without another word, Yamato turned his way and started walking. Taichi quickly considered if it was 100 per cent safe to follow, and started walking, finally letting the smile spread across his face.

_o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o_

"Did you know that Kari's got class meeting tomorrow? Apparently one parent has to attend."

"Mmm…?" Mr Yagami mumbled, eyes glued to the magazine. His wife was purring herself a cup of coffee, still having her black coat on. There was no need to take it off; she was going to leave again soon.

"Class meeting?" he finally muttered, affirming that he'd caught that word at least.

"Yes," Mrs Yagami replied quickly, sitting down beside him and drinking the hot gift from heaven. If she survived the day without coffee or not she didn't know; she would never in her life try. Believing that it made things better was enough. "Could you be there?"

"Maybe. Why not you?"

"Got a client" Big gulp –she never drank it slowly nowadays. "Ms Kobayashi" she sighed, and smirked a little as her husband immediately uttered an understanding 'oh'. Calling an over middle-aged woman 'Ms' felt odd, though she could certainly understand why she was still a Miss. _I swear to God, if that woman didn't have more money than she deserved I would never have anything to do with her. _

"Believe me, I would much rather listen to that stupid teacher for hours, than dealing with Ms Kobayashi."

He smiled, finally turning his attention away from random crises and disasters in the newspaper. "I know. You're admirable, you know that?"

She snorted, a brief show of amusement and gratefulness visible on her still youthful features. Then a serious face. "Tai is having some grade problems"

Their sixteen-year-old son wasn't exactly any more open than others teen-agers; he just had a very inquisitive mother. At least when in came to things that had to do with school. She would occasionally ask him how every thing was, but it wasn't like he would ever reply 'oh well everything sucks right now and I'm very depressed because I'm feeling this and she said that and they did this and he did that…' If he ever informed her about anything having to do with emotions she would probably choke on something or fall off the chair. She accepted the 'okay' for an answer, appreciating that he at least talked to her about other things.

"In what?"

She snapped back, blinking. In a second or two she remembered what she had been talking about. "English, mostly. Do you think there's something wrong with him?"

Mr Yagami turned page. "Wrong?" he glanced at her. "Just because he's got some school problems doesn't mean he's stupid."

"No that's not what I meant" she sighed, rolling her eyes at him. "I mean besides school, I haven't seen him with Yamato for a while." She said as an example, though that wasn't really what she thought was the case.

"Why would I know?" he muttered, not turning his eyes away from the newspaper. She blinked, slightly disappointed. Then she shrugged, hit by the realisation that neither of them did know.

"Girl problems?" she offered half-heartedly, rubbing her eyes. She didn't really have the energy to discuss it anyway –especially not if neither one of them had a clue.

"Maybe"

She checked her watch and noticed that she should have left two minutes ago. After giving him a quick kiss she said goodbye and ran out, leaving a ready-to-be-cleaned kitchen, a ready-to-be-shaved man and a half-empty cup.

* * *

Yagami Taichi was a quick learner. When he was little, he used to watch guys play football down the street, and then mimic their moves and tricks until he could do it in his sleep. He made up new ones too and, simply by finding it more fun than anything else, trained to be the best when he started school, shortly becoming a star. He learned to be funny by idolising his uncle, who –to him- was the funniest man on the planet and made everyone around him smile and laugh. When he first met Sora, it was because he made her laugh that he escaped getting beat down for destroying her red hat with mud. Back then she was taller than him, and he only had his charm to save him from receiving physical damage. Yamato was a different thing. While football and jokes were simply fun, this new blond kid was a challenge. Eventually Taichi learned exactly what to say and do to get his attention at all, to startle him out of his defence and finally trick him into surrender. Before Yamato knew it, he'd become so attached to Taichi that he couldn't turn back.

This afternoon, Taichi was once again faced with a challenge. He had already learned his mistakes; this time he didn't look like a human question mark when Yamato had tried to hint that he wanted sex, he didn't ask a hundred times if he really meant it, he was quick to start touching him without teasing, and he didn't speak. Still, there were so many new mistakes to be made.

-

Yamato pushed Taichi's hands back with an annoyed sigh, giving him a quick glare and removing his shirt by himself. Taichi ducked his head, feeling useless. There were so many things Yamato didn't like, and so many unspoken rules that Taichi was expected to follow. He let Yamato remove his shirt and then his t-shirt, slightly encouraged by the lustful look on the blonde's face as he gazed at his body. He then made the biggest mistake he could've done, he leaned in and kissed him, unable to resist. Yamato pushed him away with surprising strength, and Taichi was a bit taken aback. He barely had time to realise what he'd done wrong before Yamato started unbuttoning his jeans. He hesitatingly responded by unbuttoning Yamato pants, looking carefully at him from under his bangs. As the musician didn't make any signs on irritation, he quickly unzipped and pulled them down, leaving Yamato to take them off completely.

As they stumbled into bed, Taichi's mind was focused on what he was aloud, and not aloud, supposed and not supposed to do. He didn't want Yamato to feel unwanted, but he couldn't grope around like last time. He probably shouldn't speak, he shouldn't look at him, get him frustrated, or annoyed. He shouldn't be dominant, nor should he be slow.

When he made the blue-eyed boy frown, he thought it was the end of the world. Then suddenly he was moaning, and Taichi thought he was going to burst with pride. When he got a command to stop, he took it in and remembered it, and when everything just rolled on, Yamato silent and pleased, he tried to memorise that as well. There were times when he lost himself, -after all they were rolling around naked in a bed- and he happened to spontaneously do something that just felt right.

"Stop kissing me."

Taichi looked up at him –another mistake- and blinked. He swore that he had heard Yamato moan when he was kissing his collarbone, although that may have been because he was touching him at the same time.

Remembering to be quiet, Taichi just nodded and continued jerking him off mechanically. Just before Yamato was about to stop him, getting close, he removed his hand and waited for him to make the first initiative to go further. Pride filled inside him when his friend was a bit taken aback by his fast learning, and he made a mental note to himself that next time he'd make it without any slip-ups whatsoever.

_o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o_

Next day arrived, and during its hours of school time, Taichi made no attempts to approach, talk to, talk about or even _think_ about the blond-haired jerk that seemed to have fallen off the face of earth. He talked about other things like football, his "cruel big-mouthed asshole for a coach" (which Sora could agree with; she had him as coach too), and various grade problems –or as he put it; _grouchy teachers that either had love problems, money problems, or simply hadn't got laid for a very long time. _Taichi even went as far as talking about girls, and trying to make Sora talk about guys, which was very ironic by a fact she chose not to say out loud.

It was one thing to see your friend miserable and hear him whine over it, but seeing him in this weird situation that could be working, but could screw everything up just as well was both worrying and frustrating. It was a dangerous balancing between chaos and brief happiness. Then again, she had to remind herself every so often that the brunet didn't think the way she did. Not at all. Therefore, he probably didn't feel the way she would've felt. Question is if that makes it right.

Either way, he kept surprising her by filling out the hole Yamato had left them with endless chattering, jokes and just being himself. She couldn't decide whether he was very good at acting, or if he was dumb enough to be happy, if there were something she had missed or maybe just –God forbid- didn't get. Since the blond wasn't a good topic to bring up, she couldn't exactly get any information out either. It was an evil circle, unless of course they were _happy_, but…

"…so then he said "Yagami, if you don't get your lazy ass out on the field, I'm throwing you out of the team so fast you wouldn't know what hit you!" I mean was an ass; I just explained everything about Kari –_which _I shouldn't even have to do, cuz it's not his fucking business if she's in the hospital _and _why would I even have to talk about that, it's a hard thing to talk about y'know and then he goes and completely ignores everything I just said and threatens to kick me off the team! _And _he called me a lazy ass! And then he gets even angrier when I say this and he makes me do a hundred push-ups. I think it was two hundred even…"

Sora sighed to herself. Originally it had been thirty push-ups.

"Hey, guy with blue hair! Ken right?" Taichi suddenly holloed, -making Sora jump in the effort- waving a cheerful hand at the younger teen that was passing them.

Sora blinked at her friend. _Man, he's good at moving on. _She was almost a bit proud of him, perhaps he'd even forget about Yamato after a few days. Obviously he wasn't as attached as she'd thought.

Ken observed him hesitatingly, slightly suspicious by the elder boy's wide grin and friendly manner. He felt tempted to jump back when Taichi made his way over to him faster than he'd expected, dragging him by his arm.

"You've met Sora right?" Taichi asked, pulling him down on the bench.

"I guess" Ken mumbled distractedly, politely nodding at Sora before glancing at the brunet.

"Sora, this is my stalker. Stalker, this is my… -ew-" he paused long enough to make a face. "This is Sora. She's not mine."

Ken looked back and forth between the rambling brunet and the sighing redhead. "In case you've missed it, Tai's retarded." Sora mentioned as a sort of excuse.

"No, I've noticed." The blue-haired boy assured, "I've had lunch with him"

The girl smirked, and Taichi immediately brought up their talks, chattering like only he could do. The only thing that he avoided mentioning was their missing friend, which Ken instantly noticed. Apparently the two had divorced themselves from the third person to complete the trio, question was why. Ken had some theories that he –now knowing better- kept to himself.

Well-raised boy as he was, he listened to the brown-eyed teen's pointless and quite random rambling until he had to get to class. He then quickly excused himself and hurried away to get there in time. Manners and timing often had a way of crashing with each other.

Taichi turned to the redhead and grinned widely. "Great kid huh? Little weird though. He spies on people"

"…yeah." Sora replied hesitatingly, eyeing him.

Taichi's gaze rested on something behind her, and, noticing the change in his face -which was a day to night kind of difference- she turned around.

"Ah… I don't think you should say anything to him…" Taichi mumbled, eyes still glued to the blond musician whom was making his way through the hall, soon about to pass them. The unfazed and somewhat distant expression on his face made her frown, raising an eyebrow at the tense teen beside her, as if he would be the one to explain. Ignoring his advice, she threw an arm up, waving.

"Matt!"

He merely glanced her way before passing her, turning his back to her shocked stare. After a few seconds of gaping, she looked at Taichi who looked both guilty and embarrassed.

"What the hell was that?" she gasped, still in shock. Sure, she had grown used to the blond acting strange, but this was a new record.

"Nothing. He' just like that, forget him." Taichi mumbled, desperately searching for something else to bring up.

"Hey, ah… I saw this girl the other day…"

_o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o_

The second he could make Yamato's face out he knew he'd done something wrong. He cursed inwardly, angry with himself. It hadn't even begun and already he had made a mistake. When would he learn?

"You do _not _wait for me like that." Yamato said as he passed by, not even looking at him. Taichi stared as the blond walked pass him, feeling like killing himself. Why couldn't he have just done it _right _and then everything would've worked? He had _one_ chance and he fucked it up.

Not having the strength to move, he watched the musician walk home –for no reason. It was over.

There was a moment of regret when he saw the other teen turn around and glare at him. Maybe he shouldn't have stared like that. "What the fuck are you waiting for?" the blond boy then said, loud enough to be heard by the brunet still standing where he had waited in the first place. At first he was just confused. Then fear of doing another mistake built up in him. Yamato's impatient look forced him to take a ridiculously hesitant step forward. As soon as he'd done that, the blue-eyed boy nodded and turned around, once again starting to walk home.

--

Taichi smiled faintly as he walked down the stairs. He'd made him scream. Not once had he yelled at him or even frowned. Hell, he almost _smiled _once! Taichi hadn't lost focus, he hadn't said a word, and his timing was prefect. Plus they were done in time, so Yamato didn't even have to worry about his dad. Though he did rush afterwards anyway. But that didn't matter. What mattered was that he'd actually done everything right.

* * *

Monday 10.45 A.M.

When a person keeps looking at you for a very long time and doesn't say anything, you really start noticing things about them. Especially if it's a very strange look they're giving you and their mouth is hanging open just a little, and their eyes are slightly bigger than usual. What he noticed about Sora as she was staring at him, was that her eyelashes were actually pretty long even though she never put mascara on them, and her eyes were not just the colour of amber. They had both darker, almost sangria-coloured shades and lighter golden glimmerings. Even though she had frozen in that rather amusing expression, different reflections of light made everything mix and blur. It was confusing as hell once he tried to define it all. Frustrated for no particular reason, he gave up on it and observed the skin instead. Again, as he paid more attention to it than he ever had before, he discovered new things. It was slightly yellowish and yet sort of pink and slightly sunburnt. Though right now it seemed almost pale. Her mouth was still hanging open and, being a few inches taller than her, he could see a bit of the inside of her lower lip. There was a line right were the lips met, and the inside was darker than the outside. As she never used lip-gloss either, the outside looked pretty dry and he could spot very fine lines hinting lack of moisture.

Taichi had known Sora for about eight years and only once had he liked her as a girl and not just a friend. But that lasted for one day and no more. He had never had any distracting attraction towards her but still, right now he realised how much more interesting her face was compared to the plastic-looking ones on TV. He decided that Sora –even now, as she seriously looked like an idiot- was way more beautiful than any other girl he'd seen.

"…you did _what?!_"

Taichi ducked his head, avoiding her unforgiving eyes. He couldn't understand why she was so against it. He and Yamato finally had something, and she hated it! Why?

Something suddenly struck him, and he almost jumped back in horror. Sora raised an eyebrow, now looking more suspicious than angry. When he pointed an accusing finger at her, still not managing to speak, she frowned. "What the hell's wrong with you?"

"You're jealous!" Taichi hissed, and now it was his turn to gape.

Sora gaped right back for a second, then put a hand to her forehead, sighing darkly. One sentence was trapped behind her gritting teeth, desperate to jump out. But she was used to suppress it and she did, even though this time it was more difficult than usual.

"Tai, you're wasting my time. Just tell me why the hell you did it." She demanded lowly, frustrated that he was so stubborn.

"I'm wasting _your _time? Sora, will you drop this already! Will you let me live my fucking life and stop pretending that you know everything." He clenched his fists, determined to not give in. "Or deserve to know, for that matter" he added coldly. "It was just an accident that you found out in the first place. We wouldn't have told you if you didn't."

Sora closed her eyes, fighting the urge to choke him. _He deserves the effort, he's just blind right now. Help him. _

"Tai, please…"

He immediately softened, and sat down beside her. He'd always been a stubborn person, but he couldn't stand it when people got sad. The times he had cried the hardest as a child, were when someone else was crying. Sora knew this weakness, and right now she took advantage of it. Fair? She didn't give a shit.

"I just want you to talk to me. Even if everything's fine. Don't just avoid it."

"Sora, please. Let it go, will you?" he stared at the wall, as if that was what he was begging to get off his back. From his left, Sora's frustrated gaze buried itself into him. She hardly stopped herself from smacking him across the head.

"No, we're talking about it and that's final! I still don't get this. He doesn't want you to talk to him, look at him, be near him or even _think _about him. But then after school he demands you to-"

"_No, _its just… we've both realised that we want this, that… y'know-"

"You rather sleep with guys?" Sora finished, smirking at him. Until now, it had never been put out in the open, but it was rather obvious that Taichi preferred boys over girls. Or at least wanted both.

He shrugged. "…yeah. And I took it way better than him to say the least. But we can't be anything deeper than…" he paused, hanging his head and sighing.

"Fuck-buddies?"

He winced, closing his eyes. Sora stood up, running her fingers through her short red hair. Seeing the brown-eyed boy like this was irritating her. Not because _he _irritated her, but because he was suffering from his own stupid kindness and she couldn't help him. He was like a little puppy following his owner no matter how many times he hit him. She looked down at him where he was sitting on the bench. They were in the sports hall; the current class were having football outside on the field and wouldn't return before the end of the period. Sora had dragged him over there since Taichi refused to talk to her about this out in the hall.

It was obviously a sensitive subject and he wanted to avoid it. But she was not going to let him. If he told her everything, he could at least put some of the weight on her and not carry it by himself.

"Can't you hear yourself? Stop being a such doormat!"

He glared at her, anger building up. He knew that she was just trying to help and up until now he had looked past her constant nagging. But the way she was acting right now –like she had him all figured out and angry with him for not getting it himself- was something he couldn't stand.

"Will you for once realise that I'm not like you! I won't break just because he doesn't want to be my boyfriend and marry me and tell me he loves me everyday! I don't care, alright! I know sex to you is such a fucking big deal but to us it's just release. Sure it would be nice to have it with someone I care about but right now I don't fucking need it! We're _not _friends anymore, but I have someone to screw and for your information –since you apparently want to know _everything_- he's fucking good at it too! The only thing that seriously bugs me right now is _you _and your big mouth!"

He stormed out, punching the wall, knocking some box down and slamming the door on the way. If Sora hadn't felt so jaded she would've rolled her eyes.

* * *

tbc

I'm sorry for have taken so long to update, and I don't blame those who didn't feel like waiting -I probably wouldn't. I have one useful excuse, and that is that I haven't had that much time over and I haven't been home much. I know that doesn't really change anything and I'm still sorry.

Dare I ask for reviews? -sweatdrops-


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: To all of you who've waited longer than you deserve: Yes, I'm very ashamed of myself. Feel free to whine at me.

And to those who just started reading: I take forever to update so please be patient.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

"_You obviously don't get it so maybe you shouldn't bother!"_

"_You're jealous!"_

"_Sora has a crush on Haruhiko…!"_

"_I don't have anything against gay people, I just… don't wanna be gay myself!"_

"_Sora, seriously… if everyone in school thought that you and Mimi went home and had lesbian-sex every day after school, wouldn't _you_ freak out?"_

"_Sora trust me, nothing's more exciting than other people's personal stuff. Especially sexuality."_

"_Will you for once realise that I'm not like you!"_

…

Tuesday

She sighed heavily and glared out the window. She wanted to rest her head against it, but the vibrating glass would only worsen her headache. The stupid comments and accusations she'd heard too often these days were haunting her mind. They annoyed her. Usually she wasn't this frustrated; only on the few really bad days when she just walked around with the longest, most hateful preach inside of her, and a bomb ticking threateningly in her head, both of which she feared would explode any minute or because of the smallest thing. She got through those days; Mimi helped her. She was the one who understood, which wasn't that hard to be considering the idiots she was competing with. They probably wouldn't get it even if Sora yelled it into their faces. This wasn't what she hated the most though –the fact that the idiots didn't understand; it was the fact that they believed that she didn't understand _them_. It was insulting. It shouldn't be because they didn't know better –she didn't trust them to know better. This per se was frustrating beyond belief. If they just-

Her brain interrupted with a stern 'no', reflexively stopping that thought from being explored. She'd promised herself to keep it that way, and it wasn't hard –she didn't need it to change. It was worth the whole misunderstanding. She _had_ to, if nothing more then for not letting Mimi beat her in keeping secrets. If miss Big Mouth could pull it off then so could Sora.

The redhead cursed all the noise people managed to make, even at this goddamn time in the morning, as she stared at a spot nailed to the glass. Out of the corner of her crossed eyes she could see the bus stop appearing, which was placed a walk distance from school. Trying to ignore the bitter '_here we go again' _that wanted to sneak out of her mouth, she got off the bus and started the depressing walk to school.

This was the part of the day she hated the most. Yamato and Taichi lived close enough to walk to school, Mimi took another bus, and none of her classmates seemed to be sharing her travelling routine. Alone in a crowd that she'd never even said hello to, and never would for that matter. People she'd made opinions about by just hearing their voices piercing through her half-sleeping head, and being met by their disturbing stares intruding her form that just wanted to be unseen and left in peace. Regularly being imposed by their conversations, gossips, jokes and opinions, she couldn't really say that she liked them.

Finally greeting familiar faces at least _used_ to be the payoff, but today Taichi's strange-acting self and the continued lack of Yamato only made her frown even deeper. Only Mimi's face was welcomed with warmth, but disappeared all too soon again. This time it didn't matter how hard she tried; it slipped out anyway, more bitter than ever.

"Here we go again…"

* * *

_Earlier that morning…_

Mrs Yagami stopped in the doorway, staring into the kitchen in amazement. Not once since she took her job –seven years ago-, and getting up at 5.30 in the morning became a routine, had anyone in her family ever got up before she did. Especially not her son, who on his lucky days had five minutes to get ready for school due to his constant 'just one more minute...' attitude towards getting out of bed.

"Morning mom!" Taichi chirped, and she briefly wondered if he'd set something expensive on fire. Living with and raising this boy for soon seventeen years, she knew all about the 'I'll just pull the corners of my mouth a little bit past my ears and she'll never notice'-smile. Oh yes, Taichi could smile. He could charm as well, and talk, and laugh things away. If his mother just hadn't known what he was like when he _didn't _have something to hide, he would've got away with everything. Hell, it almost seemed that the guiltier he was, the more he smiled.

"What are you doing up?" she asked, even though she could guess by the notebooks and papers he had filled the table with.

"Homework."

"Right." She hesitated, considering if what she was about to ask was a stupid question (which would get a stupid answer –this _was_ a teenager she was dealing with) or not. Although, if Taichi got up this early just to do homework, there had to be a good reason. "...why?"

He shifted, staring at his hand even though she could see that he'd stopped writing. "I didn't have time yesterday."

She made her way over to the coffee maker. "Do you have a test today?"

"Yeah, not a big one though." He grimaced as he realised that he shouldn't have said that.

His mother instantly turned around, arms folded. "What's going on then, Tai?"

"Nothing!" he grinned wide, seemingly competing against her frown. "I just woke up and couldn't go to sleep, and I remembered that I've got homework."

"Right, so you just _skipped _out of bed to do the most boring thing you know –because of a small test? Did you put something on fire?" she finally exclaimed, giving up on keeping that theory to herself. She was actually starting to wonder.

The accusation didn't even surprise him; he was quite used to it. "Nope, just decided that I wanted to see the shocked face on my teacher when I turn the test in. 'Sides, you've been bugging me about my grades anyway," the teen commented, smiling oh-so-innocently and going back to writing again.

She muttered something to herself and started the machine, which in turn began the well-known purring.

"Well you don't have to take up the whole space" she later admonished, approaching the table and taking a seat next to him, holding her cup as she waited for him to collect all the papers.

"Sorry mom, didn't mean to" he said sweetly, giving her an amiable glance that only earned a very long look from Mrs Yagami.

She would not interfere with anything in his personal life; she wasn't that stupid. But if her son thought that she wasn't suspicious, he was dead wrong.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Mr Ishida couldn't help but raising a brow at his silent son across the table. It was a bad, and for most people irritating gesture, that he always tried to avoid. At least since Yamato, to Mr Ishida's great dismay, had taken it after him. Seeing his own brat motion reflecting on his son's face made him realise why it annoyed everyone.

But this was definitely something to at the least raise an eyebrow at.

Yamato was not yet an adult, who didn't remember what it was like to be young and carefree, and had nothing except his job that didn't seem meaningless. Therefor Yamato should _not _behave like he was doing right now.

He looked empty.

No, _gone._ There was not a hint of thoughts or emotions or any kind of mood.

_Yamato's gone_, Mr Ishida found himself thinking as he looked at the teen in front of him. Then blue eyes peered up at him and blinked. "What?"

Something his dad could've expected him to say, but it was still said without the slight irritation and offence that was usually shown in his eyes whenever Mr Ishida had looked at him funnily, or for a little too long.

"Are you okay?" he asked, knowing that if the blond did not react to this, there was _definitely _something wrong.

What he received almost gave him goose bumps. No explosion, no bolting out of the room, no weird face, no finger, no glare, not even raised eyebrows.

"I'm fine."

He silently finished his breakfast, cleared the table and left the room.

--

Thursday 10.16 A.M.

"Taichi?"

"Yeah, Sora?"

"We're not in a freaking dental commercial!" she yelled, coming to the depressing conclusion that she didn't even care if people shot her funny looks. Nothing seemed to matter anymore.

She gritted her teeth at the brunet's confused expression. On a normal day and in a normal state, he would've laughed or shot her a comeback.

"I know," he said hesitatingly, blinking.

"So will you stop smiling already! I don't think that wall even cares," she exclaimed, dropping her head into her hands and rubbing her temples, unsuccessfully trying to cool down. Having Taichi as her only company was really starting to get old. If only Mimi would show up…

"Aw, come on Sora –lighten up!" he said happily, patting her shoulder. "Wanna hear another joke?"

"_No!" _she groaned, secretly amazed that he'd actually have one left.

"Okay."

Sora wanted to have a serious talk with him, she really did. But she knew just how he started acting when anything about Yamato was brought up, and that was even worse than how the football player was behaving otherwise.

Maybe she could convince him to talk after school? Somewhere he'd be comfortable enough to wipe the grin off his face, break down and tell her how much he secretly hated the blond… She blinked, tilting her head. Or maybe liked him? Sora had been so sure about that at first, but by now _anyone _would've hated Yamato. This sickeningly submissive behaviour did hint a restrained anger. Although Taichi wasn't that good at controlling anger –he was rather a pro at hiding pain.

Pain from unrequited love.

Sora had to roll her eyes. She wasn't the romantic type, thus she didn't have that soapy theory. Sure, it was rather obvious that the brunet had wanted to get into Yamato's pants, but that has already been put into action so now what? Did he just want go get away? Did he want to break free and have nothing to do with his former friend? It wasn't his job after all; he didn't owe him anything. Yamato had rejected so much help that he could only blame himself by now.

Either which way things would go, it had to get there. This situation was ridiculous.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Something that made everything a whole lot easier was to see it as a football match. Don't let anything outside of the game get you distracted. It's all about focus, speed, and tricks. Always think ahead, have every move controlled, and of course enjoy it to no end.

No matter how attractive Yamato could be, no matter how smooth his skin was, how tempting his lips were and how strong the traction of his gaze was –Taichi could ignore all of it just for the sake of those minutes when he was inside him, when the blonde had his eyes closed and was safe to observe, and he could finally allow his brain to apprehend exactly where he was and what he was doing.

Because it was only during those few minutes that Yamato didn't care.

However, when the two teens were in bed for what could be the fourth or the thirtieth time, long before the minutes of freedom and still during the time that he had to do everything right, Taichi was about to learn another rule. Naturally, in order for Yamato to make up the rule, Taichi had to break it first.

- -

Getting undressed in bed was a bit complicated, Yamato noted, but didn't care enough to force both of them back up to standing. Something about getting out of bed, even if it was in the afternoon, was just so _hard. _

Having most of his clothes pulled off, he rolled them around to proceed on getting the brunet topless. As he was pulling the t-shirt over Taichi's head, he was suddenly attacked by a sound that just might've driven him insane.

"Oh, _fuck" _the football player groaned, his body curling up slightly, exposed abs tensing. The blue-eyed boy –said eyes now wide- dropped the t-shirt and stumbled out of bed, turning his back to it.

"I'm sorry!" the other teen exclaimed, sitting up and staring at Yamato's back in panic.

"_Shut up!" _the blond shouted back, running his hands over his face.

Taichi hung his head, desperate to explain and miserable for that he wasn't aloud to. He wanted him to know that it had just been this sudden movement. The second his t-shirt was being pulled off, Yamato's knee had pressed up against his crotch and as he'd leaned forward at the same time, there'd been more pressure, and…Yamato would understand right? He hadn't had time to think at all; he'd been busy assisting.

As the brunet sat there pondering, the blond had recovered and was making his way back to the bed, blue eyes avoiding brown ones. With a nonchalant hand motion, he gestured Taichi to get out of his way and the brunet obeyed, positioning himself on the other side of the bed, looking at the floor.

"Undress" came the next muttered order, as the blond himself pulled off his last garments. He then positioned himself on the bed, feeling his pride shutter to pieces. Thus he made the next command even colder. "Quickly"

Taichi tried to ignore the position Yamato now was in, and how uncomfortably perverted it felt to position himself. He inched up behind him and was about to guide himself, when he discovered that the great lack of encouragement had had its very improper affect on his body.

As he gave a half-hearted try of bringing some lust back, the situation felt more and more wrong.

A few seconds went by, then the blond cursed loudly and stormed out of the room, leaving intense silence.

Not knowing what else to do, Taichi quickly dressed again and left the apartment.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Wednesday, the week thereon

Sora's plan had been pondered a whole lot since the moment it popped up in her head. Even though it seemed simple, logical and necessary the first minute, she was in doubt the next. What if it only made things worse? What if she only pushed the brunet into defence and ended up abandoned by him as well? Taichi was happy as long as no one talked about Yamato. Sure, trying to deal with the problem was the only way to handle it, but if things did go wrong he would probably never speak to her again.

When Sora nearly a week later thought that she would never decide, the answer practically slapped her in the face. One look at the football player told her that if no one did anything, he'd continue this forever.

Naturally, when Sora after school time was out suggested that they'd hang out, Taichi's face practically screamed 'leave me alone'.

He desperately tried to turn her down discretely, not daring to voice the reason. He had no permission to say the blonde's name, let alone speak about what they did together. Sora had expected this, so she just grabbed his arm, insisting that she needed to talk to him about something. The brunet stubbornly –or rather obsessively- held back, and the redhead ended up missing her buss.

She put her hands on her sides, glaring at him. "Look what happened now! That's it, I'm following you home."

"_No, _you-… I can't-" He looked around, finding that most students had left the school area. He sighed, realising that it was time to stop beating around the bush. He had to get rid of her, or else Yamato would stop waiting and go home. "You know this, Sora. Why do you have to make it so hard for me? If you come along he'll reject me and I-"

"Won't get any? Tai, you had sex yesterday. And the day before that, and the day… okay, I'm not keeping check but the point is so what if you don't have him today?"

"I have to go, I'll-" Taichi sighed as he discovered that his arm was stuck in Sora's grip. "I only have _one chance, _it either now or never alright?"

"Just find someone else then!" she retorted, not giving up –and not letting go of his arm.

"LET GO OF MY ARM!" he shouted, stress finally getting to him.

"No!" she muttered, tightening her grip as the male started pulling. This resulted in her being dragged along, as the brunet started to stamp his way home.

After a while Sora let go and walked up beside him, happy that he'd finally given in. "Aw, come on Tai –lighten up!" she grinned devilishly as she flung an arm around his shoulder, more than happy to be the annoyingly perky one. "He might be up for a threesome."

The brunet laughed in despite of himself, but stopped quickly as guilt washed over him. Yamato wouldn't have liked that…

Sora's smile, that had appeared during Taichi's laugher turned into a frown and she rolled her eyes. "He's not your master you know," she commented half-heartedly, not expecting it to change her friend's mind.

"Who?" he muttered, tensed again. They were getting close to the area where Yamato would be waiting. _If _he still did, of course. Taichi didn't deserve it though; he was late. Sure, he'd been distracted but he could've made a goddamn effort, right?

"Geez Tai, relax! I bet he's not even-" she stopped when she noticed that the brown-eyed boy had frozen. Staring questionably at him for a few seconds, she turned her head just in time to see a person walk away from them, then disappearing behind houses.

When she turned her attention back to the football player, he was hanging his head, looking ready for suicide. "Dammit Tai, get a grip! He's just a fuck-buddy, right?"

She didn't receive a response so she just sighed and dragged him home to his apartment, hoping that the brunet would spill or otherwise she had just wasted an afternoon.

- - - - - -

Yamato dropped down on ground panting desperately, wondering if lungs actually could explode. Dirt immediately stuck to his sticky skin, but he didn't care. He felt light, both in mind and body. He was practically oozing warmth and sweat was running down his temples. His observed the leaves swaying slightly in the wind, so far up, while listening to his heartbeat that was pounding in his ears. It was soothing.

As his pulse slowly calmed and his breathes became fewer and longer lasting, giving him the oxygen he needed to recover, he smiled up against the sky. All these intense effects only proved what he'd spent the last half hour forcing himself to do. This feeling of achievement really was worth it. It was better than sex, really.

He got up to his feet, lingering just a little so that his head would stop spinning, and began the walk home.

_Thank God I started running._

- - - - - -

History class was less annoying than this. Sitting on the morning bus, listening to the girly girls and pathetic guys was less annoying.

Hell, even explaining math to Taichi was less annoying than this!

Sora had spent the latest one and a half hour trying to make the guy speak. 90 minutes of guessing, encouraging, fooling, tempting, pleasing, demanding, inciting, considering, assuring, nagging and practically _begging. _

Had she been so wrong when she had once thought that her brown-headed friend liked telling secrets? That he completely sucked at keeping his mouth shut? Maybe that was only the case when it came to _her _secrets that she'd been stupid enough to share with him.

So far, she'd only gained a few answers, lesser admits, and only two announces. To put it short, Taichi was on top, there was no kissing –Sora tried asking why but was only glared and later whined at-, it didn't take long and he had to avoid meeting his dad, no talking, and basically just sex.

"Does he ever insult you or lecture you if you make mistakes?" she asked, after waiting for what she was hoping was enough minutes.

Taichi, still lying flat on stomach in his bed, face buried in his pillow, merely shrugged. "I try not to take it personally."

Feeling more and more like a psychologist, she sighed and tried to come up with a question that would force him to reveal a little more, yet not a too demanding one. "How does he let you know that you've done something wrong?"

Taichi gripped the pillow tighter, hesitating. "He… just glares and short of says that he doesn't want me to do that. So I don't."

"What happens when you do right?" she asked calmly, hoping that he wouldn't hop into defence right away.

"He gets satisfied. It shows. He's glad that I learn," the brunet said softly, sounding like he was smiling.

"Does he tell you that?" Sora questioned, trying not to sound sceptical.

The brunet was quiet. "He only talks when it's necessary," he mumbled, very aware of that the redhead didn't like what she was hearing.

Knowing that this question might sound stupid by now, she said, "Does he ever ask you what makes you feel good?"

He froze. Sora kept quiet, giving him time to respond. "What do you mean?"

"I mean does he ever take time to please you?" she said while grimacing, feeling like a school nurse.

The brunet started mumbling and stuttering and being over-all unclear and confusing. Obviously he wasn't comfortable with this question… _either. _And this was the guy who would talk so openly and shamelessly about sex whenever he had the chance!

"Well… shit Sora, he lets me screw him, what else can you ask for? I mean it's not like I could just say 'hey, why not blow me while you're at it'."

"Is there anything except 'screwing' that you do?" she muttered, getting tired yet again.

"I jerk him off."

"…that's it?" she asked doubtfully.

He shrugged again. "Yeah."

"But what about you?" she asked before she could stop herself. She'd forgotten to be careful, but this was sounding more and more unfair.

He sat up. "Look, I understand that you're a girl and that you think that three hours of foreplay is necessary, but knowing that we're gonna do it is enough for me."

Sora held her hands up in defence, slightly offended. "Who said anything about foreplay? I was only wondering if he returned the favour at all."

She paused as she realised that he'd brought that up himself, smiling what she hoped was kindly. "Do you think there's too little foreplay?"

Not something she would've suspected at first but when she thought about it, she wasn't at all surprised. Being bossed around, and then expected to be up whenever he snapped his fingers couldn't be that easy. And knowing Taichi, he was probably determined to do his very best, surely focused on making the other happy. Perhaps, with too much pressure and expectations on himself there could be incidents.

Sora wasn't sure of how sexually experienced Taichi was, –mind you she didn't want to be either- but having a guy that expected nothing less than perfection seemed too hard for anyone in her age. Hell, it would be too hard for anyone in _any _age!

Her eyes widened in surprise when the brunet blushed more than she'd ever seen him do, and threw himself on the bed again. "Fucking leave me alone already! You just force your way over here, demand me to tell you all about my sex-life and then criticise the hell out of it!"

"Tai, I didn't mean it like that." she explained softly, already knowing it was too late.

"Whatever"

"I'm on your side here! I'm not saying that you're doing anything wrong" she protested, realising that she had probably behaved like that.

"Then what the hell Sora? I mean at least I've _got _a sex-life" he spat, making the room go silent.

Her eyes narrowed. _Is he hinting what I think he is? Okay let's calm down here… If that was true I would have every right be pissed. But he just thinks it is, so you can let it be. Don't. punch. Him. _

She managed to roll her eyes. "Geez, don't hurt yourself, I'm not-"

"But seriously, Sora" he interrupted, suddenly sitting on the edge of his bed gazing at her intensively. "How do _you _feel? Are you sexually frustrated? Do you feel alone? Can you make yourself feel good or do you wish som-"

"Say one more word and I'll hit you!" she warned, glaring at him. Despite her promise of pain she wasn't too offended by his questions. However, if he had asked her two years ago, she probably would've broken down. That would've got to her without question. She would've never forgiven him.

"Why do you assume that I've got no sex-life?" she demanded, crossing her arms. Not that she felt the need to discuss it with him but she had some pride to protect here.

He raised his eyebrows. "You mean besides with yourself? Why, you don't really give the impression is all" he said shrugging, but she knew that he was mocking her. It was his revenge. Sora gritted her teeth.

"You're right, I'm obviously not as fond of an audience as some"

His smug smile turned into a frown. "Well sneaking around must mean you're ashamed. Is he ugly?" Smug smile was back. God, she hated that smile.

"You mean more ashamed than you two've been? Is that even possible?"

"_I'm _not the ashamed one!" he growled.

"Well then why can't you talk about it?" she asked, tilting her head.

"DAMMIT Sora, leave me alone!" His voice was loud enough to reach every corner of the apartment, and was once again the cause of silence that followed.

* * *

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

* * *

- -

I guess that worked.

Sora went home after that, looking pretty sad. I feel bad for her now and I'm kind of sorry that I yelled, but I know how she is. Tomorrow she'll try it again. She won't stop until my and Yamato's thing is over.

I went outside to the football field to play for a while, found some of the guys there too. Once again was my favorite sport the rescue. We played until late that night, just half serious games. We laughed a lot and none of them asked me about Yamato.

Like I've said before, I hate it when that's the first thing people ask when they see me.

When I got home, mom seemed like she wanted to talk. I just grinned wide at her and she frowned at me, as she often does when I smile extra broadly. But she didn't call me back when I went to my room.

Before I fell asleep, I filled my head with random stuff. Nothing too exciting, because that always keeps me up all night –like the time when I thought about skydiving.

If you start wondering what it's like to skydive, don't climb up on the roof in the middle of the night, because you won't be able to see what's under you. I couldn't decide whether I would land on that fireescape balcony or -heh- the street, a.k.a. 50 feet further down, so I ended up climbing down again. I didn't go back to sleep though because while I was climbing up, I had started thinking about how long I could hold my breath last time I tried. That was pretty good though because no oxygen made me sleepy.

But for some reason I didn't do it in bed –which would've worked just fine now that I think about it-, so I was awoken by mom who found me in the morning at the kitchen table, alarm-clock before me and bits of silver-tape stuck in my hair...

See I've got all these normal reflexes too, (not just my own weird ones) like the one where you start breathing again after you've held your breath for _almost _enough time to break he last record. So annoying. But um, the tape was not my best idea ever. Not having breathed for the last two minutes and 22 seconds, you don't really want to start ripping silver tape off of your face; there's not enough energy. And when you're pretty much in panic, you have a tendency of hurting yourself.

Ah well, I managed. And what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?

I didn't want to think about Yamato, because that hasn't given that great results before, so I thought of bananas. That didn't work out so well either because I always start laughing when I hear that word. And when I do that people think I'm childish and relate that to cocks (excuse my language). Stupid thing is, that's not even the reason. I saw this old movie once and I have a vague memory of someone saying that word in a hilarious way. And I remember laughing so hard.

So I always laugh at that word. But, thanks to all the narrow-minded people I'm now thinking of cocks. And Yamato, being a guy, naturally becomes my next-

Okay, trees right? They're cool. I love climbing in trees, but I don't do it as often as when I was a kid. But there are so many kinds of trees; oak trees, birch trees, lime trees, beech trees, ash trees… um, apple-trees? God, I don't know shit about trees… cherry-trees… banana-trees…

I automatically start laughing into the night, but then groan as Yamato pops up in my head.

When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed about Yamato –just my stupid luck-, baking banana-pie, in a tree. Then he fell down and broke his leg. And then we had sex all afternoon.

_God, _I hate dreams…

* * *

**Reviewes are very very very much appreciated! I really want to know what you think -so please review!**

(random note: having a sexlife at sixteen -yes, that's all three's age, damn I'm gonna have to update those or soon I'll start feeling like a pheadofile here- is not something I consider either normal or abnormal. Hell, "normal" is a myth for all I care. X) feel no pressure!)


	10. Chapter 10

**...chapter 10?!**

**WARNINGS: No fluff in this chapter whatsoever, not even any cold-hearted intercourse alright, so just wipe all of those expectations away. There you go :) Plus this chapter is very short. And I suck. **

**Sorry. **

**But! Hopefully, a lot of things will get cleared up :)**

**...just read! **

* * *

Saturday, 10.48 AM Tachikawa's residence

"-and I bought these two jeans -aren't they gorgeous- y'know the assistant said I look just like Misha Barton, hah I wish but whatever I mean her BMI is totally anorexic and that's great and all if you wanna like, die, though you can't deny that she's freakin gorgeous I'd totally die for those legs wouldn't you -look aren't they cute!"

"Mmh," Sora's eyes submissively fell on the jeans covering her friend's legs, but her mind couldn't tear itself away from her new full-time dilemma. This was hardly ever a problem for the two; to Mimi Sora was merely a mirror -or a wall, rather. She didn't interrupt, but she didn't respond with any interest whatsoever. Except perhaps for the actual changing.

Mimi kept chatting, modelling her new clothes and checking her reflection in the mirror. Sora's eyes kept resting on her legs -covered in denim, half covered by a pastel skirt, or not covered at all. She had legs to kill for; always perfectly tanned, constantly hairless and never-ending. Legs of another species that yet remained the ideal for all the poor girls with _earthly_ legs. Thankfully, Sora had stopped comparing herself to her best friend a long time ago, figuring that it was no use.

"So are you actually gonna talk to me about what's causing that creepy absence I've seen in you lately?"

It wasn't the actual words that pulled her out of trance; it was the tone. The skip from high-pitched excited girl-chatter, to worried sentimental adult mom -tone wouldn't pass anyone.

Sora reacted quickly enough to catch the question, and she bit the inside of her cheek as she pondered an answer. Bringing Mimi into the problem was like letting someone else help you with a cardcastle you're halfway through, but stuck with and too shaky to continue. A bit down the road -which might as well be the goddamn wrong one- she didn't want to risk starting all over again. If Mimi managed to confuse the hell out of her -which rather commonly happened; she was freakishly alike Taichi in that way- Sora would lose the tiny bit of sense she'd made out so far. And dammit, that took a long time to make!

'Sides, there's was no way she'd be able to explain this complicated story with sustained patience -and that was very necessary for it to be understandable.

Having that thought through, she forced herself to look at it logically. Voicing her reasoning would simply clear it up, not destroy it. Who knows, Mimi might see something that Sora, as partly involved in the whole thing, was incapable of. In all honesty, Mimi's train of thought probably ran closer two Taichi's -maybe Yamato's too.

So why not?

"Taichi and Yamato," she uttered, not knowing where to start.

The currently unbreeched teen threw her arms out. "Yeah, well duh. So was that rumour true?"

"Well now it is. I kinda it woke up some sort of attraction, or feelings or just fucking madness in Blondie, and Tai pushed his luck some and now they're shagging like rabbits while Yamato is brainwashing him."

There was a brief silence where Sora's stubborn self mentally said 'I told you so'.

"That didn't make much sense coming from someone who's usually very pedagogic."

Sora managed to smile, somewhat relieved by the refreshing view of Mimi laughing. In comparison, she felt old and worn-out. Why the football-player even allowed something that hardly concerned her get to her like this -she didn't know. Sora sighed, deciding to throw everything out of her skull for the other girl to sort out.

She comforted herself with the knowledge that, when it came down to gossip, Mimi had all the patience in the world. She started talking, trying to stay as objective as possible. Naturally, it was near impossible with Mimi's repeated gasps and questions and other interrupting sounds that she seemingly thought were necessary to show Sora that she really listened. Letting herself get stressed up by this, Sora ended up giving her the completely wrong idea. This was obvious when Mimi summed the whole thing up.

"Okay so if I've got this straight, Yamato-kun was stupid enough to talk loudly and about their after-school activity, with so many split signals that everyone mistook him for being gay, and then he freaked out and started fighting Taichi-kun for no reason. Then they shag in the school's bathroom and start bitching when you try to save them from being caught-"

"No, no, no" Sora interrupted, sighed and held up a hand when the honey-eyed girl gave her a confused look. "No, I'm sorry, I'm giving you the wrong idea here. I guess I'm just so fed up with Yamato -well, Taichi too- that I make it their fault. Just please let me take my time, so that I can do this right."

If it weren't for the fact that they had worked this through once, Mimi would've taken Sora's request -if she even took it in- the wrong way, and jump to conclusions. But the brunet's way of rushing and misleading had in the past bothered Sora to the point that she had talked to her about it. Mimi had finally understood the problem and promised to improve -when she actually remembered. Now, Sora could simply remind her and she'd be back on track with no hard feelings. This was one of the improvements they'd been forced accomplish since that time when their lives took a slight turn.

"Sorry" Mimi said with a small laugh, rolling her eyes at herself. Sora smiled back, but shortly looked away to be able to continue. This was important.

Mimi staid amazingly quiet through Sora's second try of revealing Taichi and Yamato's story, and when she later summarised it to see if she'd got it right this time, Sora was introduced with a new point of view that made ten times more sense. Sure, Mimi was perhaps a little too romantic and naïve, but hearing everything from Sora who's the total opposite, she balanced it up, filled out the gaps and straightened all those things that had been invisible to the redhead.

"...so when Yamato's finally fed up with Taichi's immature behaviour and mocking, he snaps and comes out and tells him-"

"-yeah, probably during that detention-"

"-or after they'd escaped. You know you're not supposed to talk during detention."

"Right"

"And Tai just... finally gets it?"

"He's not dumb. Not when it comes to Yamato; he's like a living lexicon."

"Not now though..."

"Stick to the subject!"

"Sorry."

"S'okay."

"So Taichi agrees to back off, and overdoes it to make Yamato miss him-"

"He really did, it showed. So yeah, Yamato misses him and finally asks him out!"

"...what?"

Sora hesitated. "Well, no... but it was so cute!" She grinned. "You were there, or at least after that. That Friday we went and saw The Holiday-"

"Yeah! Oh, Jude Law is so hot..."

"Hey!"

"For a guy at least."

"Heh. So they hang out Friday night, and there's surely _tons_ of sexual tension and then they screw each other."

"It's called making love."

Sora snorted, causing Mimi to scowl even more. Which in turn caused Sora to grin wide. "Yeah, yeah, they make sweet love to each other. Yamato did want to though; he wasn't drunk or anything, just seduced. But he regrets it the next morning, throws Taichi out and asks me to come over. God, he was so messed up." Sora blinked, regaining the sympathy she'd felt for him that day.

"And then you leave, and... did they talk after that?"

"No idea. Maybe."

"They were even more awkward the Monday after that right?"

"Yep. And..." Sora frowned -ignoring Mimi's whining about wrinkles- trying to recall what else happened that day. "Oh!" she exclaimed, remembering. "That was when he hit him!"

"Ah." Mimi complied, also recalling that from Sora's story.

"I think Yamato was avoiding him, and Taichi got a bit annoyed I remember -he snapped a few times at me that day when I asked where Yamato was. Then boom! When I went to my locker at the end of the day Taichi's lying on the floor clutching his jaw and Yamato's a whiter shade of pale."

"And then they just forgive each other" Mimi filled in, smiling because she knew how much it had puzzled the redhead. "And they walk out together"

"Right, and this is the weird afternoon thing Tai told me about, when Yamato had nursed him and then took of as if a Scream-dude were chasing him-"

"-which confused the hell out of Taichi"

"Yup. Next day?"

"The avoiding-day. Yamato's fallen off the face of earth"

"Taichi's whining like never before-"

"And boom!"

"They make sweet tender love with each other," Sora teases.

Mimi shakes her head determinedly. "Nope. _That's _screwing. Calling it lovemaking would be an insult."

"Tai is walking on clouds."

"Yamato still avoids you guys."

"And here's where things gets really fucked up. Taichi becomes his personal slave, and Yamato has him all brainwashed."

"Taichi starts his too-happy gimmick -which, mind you, is a total give-away - and covers his master by constantly distracting you and himself."

"Gah, it's tiring just thinking about it..." Sora muttered, rubbing her eyes.

"Poor baby."

She stuck her tongue out in reply. "I'm up to here with his stupid jokes. And you know he actually talked about _girls_ at one time!"

"So maybe he's bi?" Mimi offered, not seeing the issue.

"Fine, maybe he is. Doubt it though." Sora added, crossing her arms sullenly.

"Oh, come on! He's talked about girls plenty of times, and hasn't he even gone out with a few?"

Sora gave her a long look. "You believed that?"

Mimi shrugged. "Gotta give him some credit."

Sora snorted, then remembered the other ironic thing. "He also tried making me talk about guys!" she announced, gazing challengingly at the other teen, as if daring her to brush that off just as easily.

A grin slowly spread over the other female's face, and the next second they were laughing their heads off.

"Okay, okay..." Sora eventually gasped between laughs, "We're loosing focus here."

Mimi nodded in agree, picking up where they left off. "This is the tricky part. You solve it by saying that Yamato's simply turned into a maniac all of a sudden,"

"Well he did! I mean first he's like 'no, I don't like him, don't like him' when he actually does and slips up when Tai decides to be all over him. _That _I can understand, but this on the other hand is _madness!_"

"Okay, don't hurt yourself. What's the reason Yamato has denied his feelings from the very start?"

Sora shrugged. "The gossip. He worries too much about other people's opinions."

"Right, and that's why he doesn't want Taichi to tell anyone."

"Yeah, well _that _I get-"

"So he uses the power of sex to keep Taichi quiet. No secret -no sex"

Sora threw her arms out impatiently. "Sure, that's-"

"-and if he would be the slightest bit of friendly, Taichi wouldn't take it that seriously." Mimi quickly pointed out.

"But I don't understand why he can't even kiss him!" Sora exclaimed, half aware that she was sounding like a little kid saying 'it's not fair!'

Dammit, it _wasn't_ fair.

"I mean if this is a power method then he should reward him or lure him with-"

"Kisses?" Mimi filled in, raising perfect eyebrows.

"Tai's a kissing type of guy."

Sora couldn't help but wallowing in the irony. In one of her and Taichi's uncommonly intimate conversations the boy had admitted that he'd choose kissing over sex any day. On the other hand, by that time he was eleven and didn't know one bit about sex -not that much about kissing either. But Sora had a feeling this hasn't changed. She'd never heard him utter this ever since though, maybe -just maybe- because Sora had happily used this knowledge to throw in his face whenever she had the chance.

"I take your word for it" Mimi promised, knowing how close the two where. They probably told each other everything -or at least _used_ to. She hesitated, catching the sudden sad look in her friend's eyes.

"...maybe Yamato doesn't find it that necessary, considering that Taichi's still under his spell -with or without kisses."

"Mm." Sora sighed, resting her forehead in her palm. "I know what you're saying, it's probably not that weird, but I mean even though it's just sex there should still be some sort of... okay, let's just say that Yamato's only interested in Taichi because he's a guy and close at hand. Wouldn't he still be interested in doing things to _him? _Doesn't have to be any feelings in that. And what about this control-thing? How fun is it to sneak around with someone, when you can't even let go while you're alone?"

Mimi remained quiet. She shook her head and sighed. "I don't know."

"Taichi didn't tell me a lot when I interrogated him, but what I did find out was that Yamato rushed through it, afraid to be caught by his dad -that's not blameable-, forbade kissing, never did anything to Tai, let Tai be the top-"

"_That _I find a bit weird." Mimi spoke up, pursing her lips as she pondered different possibilities.

"...maybe it's easier getting fucked by someone you hardly care about, than shoving your dick into someone you don't have feelings for." Sora suggested, wrinkling her nose slightly at her own words.

Mimi nodded thoughtfully, snickering a little when their eyes met. "Who would've thought we'd be discussing the mystery of sex between men?"

Sora chuckled, shaking her head. "Especially those two, who's been nothing but friends until now."

They were both quiet for a while.

"Alright," Sora sighed, breaking the tense silence. "Have we made any sense so far?"

"Sure, Blondie's afraid of the school finding out, of his dad finding out, of _any_one finding out-"

"But what about the bathroom make-out?" Sora remarked, holding up a finger.

"Um... he's gay?" Mimi retorted, raising an eyebrow.

Sora bit her lip. "Yeah, but-"

"He's never had a girlfriend, probably never been interested in anyone and suddenly he's kissing someone and actually _feels_ something, I mean he must've had a total black-out! After all, he's only human"

Sora surrendered, holding up her hands. "Okay, point taken"

"And all the avoiding was probably just to stop more rumours, and y'know, he's awkward around Tai because he's sexually attracted to him. And also because Taichi is too indiscreet."

Sora leaned back, smiling at the brunet. "This really is your area, huh?"

She was answered with a cheeky grin. "Sure is. And," she continued, finally realising that she was still standing up and sat down on her bed beside Sora, crossing her legs. "I think the night before he really started to avoid you, was when he came out to himself!" She threw her arms out happily and Sora laughed. "He was like 'ok fine, I like guys. Now who should I have gay-sex with? Ah, here's my loyal friend who's open-minded slash gay as well, this'll be easy. But oh no! No one can find out! I know: I'll avoid him at school, and then I drag him home, make him my bitch and I have free afternoon sex everyday with no one bashing me!'"

"He's such a jerk." Sora grumbled. "I can't believe he actually pulls through it, I mean they used to be friends! Really good friends"

"Yeah, but he does avoid doing things that would make him feel guilty. If he'd use tricks and like pretended to care about him it would make him a bigger jerk. And he avoids him so he's not around to see how screwed up Taichi's become of this. _And,_" she emphasised, catching the redhead's attention, "if he'd be the top, it would almost make this rape. He's planned this."

Sora stared at her, lost in that thought. "So..." she started hesitatingly, after what seemed like a small eternity. "There's still a small chance of him being human?"

Mimi tilted her head, eyelashes jumping as her gaze flicked around the room. For a moment her expression told Sora that she'd soon have the solution, but then the wise look was replaced by a playful glint. "Let's just say that, for now. Yamato still cares about Taichi, and the part of him that's not filled with hormones is full of shame and regret."

Sora, somewhat past the disappointment of not getting the answer to everything, nodded, accepting the theory. "Right."

"So just imagine being in his shoes; how freaking easy would it be to talk to your best friend that you're just _using_ for your own pleasure? Or kiss? Being the one who fucks _him_, it... would just be too wrong. Or rather too _obvious _that it's wrong. Plus there's no wonder he's tense, and stressed and easily annoyed, and cold. He must hate himself!"

Sora held her hands up, chuckling. Mimi was getting a bit too into this. That girl watched way too many soap operas. "You're right, never thought I'd say this but it makes sense. _But, _if it's so clear that no feelings are involved, why don't they just enjoy it? As he's stated enough times, Tai only wants sex, and he's okay with Matt only wanting that too. So why would Matt feel guilty when he knows that it's not personal?"

Mimi shrugged. "Because they've fought so much, maybe, and it's still a bit weird screwing as friends."

"But they're not friends anymore" Sora commented, raising an eyebrow. Somehow she enjoyed criticising her friend's casual reasoning.

"Like I said, if Yamato still cares about Taichi so it must feel wrong having such a platonic relationship"

"But Tai doesn't mind it, so there's no harm done"

"Right, but since they're not communicating -as I'm assuming, Yamato doesn't know how Taichi feels about this and hates himself in case he's hurting him and has to act cold not to break down and so they can't communicate and work things out and they'll just continue this. It's an evil circle." Mimi gestured enthusiastically.

Sora's eyes narrowed as she pondered the argument, not wanting to give in but she pretty much had to, didn't she? Mimi might be wrong, but she sure couldn't come up with anything better at the moment. Plus that evil circle thing really took a lot of her energy to continue this. Sora threw her hands up, deciding that this just wasn't her territory.

"Touché!" she called out, face breaking into a grin as the other girl threw her arms up victoriously.

"Now let's go shopping!" Mimi demanded happily, dragging Sora up from the bed and started skipping out of the room, grabbing her purse on the way.

"Wha..? I thought you've already went shopping?" Sora stuttered as she was dragged down the stairs, desperately trying to keep up with the steps.

"Well yeah for me, but we're shopping for _you_ now!" the other girl replied perkily. She stopped at bottom and turned around, causing the slightly dizzy redhead to crash into her. Mimi pushed the other girl's shoulders an arms length away, locking determined eyes with distracted ones. "We're going shopping, and you're not going to puzzle Dumb & Dumber's problem -which by the way doesn't even involve you- one more time, got it?"

Whether she would keep that up or not, Sora was fully aware of that Mimi accepted no other answer than yes. Thus, she saluted.

"Yes ma'am"

As they walked out the door arm in arm, Sora sincerely hoped that she would keep that promise.

* * *

**will be continued.**

**..if I get reviews, that is..**

**thanks for being so patient!**

**-kajsa**

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

**Whoa, I keep getting unused to updating this; lately every chapter feels like the first time. It's scary.**

**But hi! Hope you've had a great summer :D I'm so glad to have another chapter to give you! I've had this one for a while, but there's been some struggling. I'm getting pickier (and crappier -not a good combination) as it's getting closer to its ending. Why? Because the ending is what I've had in my head since... what, 2006? Damn. So I'm having a hard time satisfying myself -immature snicker-, since it's the most important part to me. And I really don't want to leave you with a crappy ending after all this time. That would suck. **

**Anyhow, here's chapter eleven for ya (can't believe I'm past ten o.O) I'm skipping the disclaimer/warnings because I have a feeling you've all got it by now :P **

**...what are you waiting for?!**

* * *

Chapter 11

* * *

I remember when dad and I went skiing once. Think I was about eight years old. I couldn't ski. I'd never skied. My dad, the old saint, pushed me down the hill without a second thought, yelling, "just bend your knees!" after me.

I was terrified.

I don't remember the actual fall, nor the three days at the local (and rather shitty) hospital afterwards. Or even my dad's pathetic, and never actually spoken apology.

What I remember is that horrible snowball-effect. Every second is more too late than the last one.

I did bend my goddamn knees and I actually managed to stand up all the way down.

I knew so well that falling on purpose was harmless in comparison to staying the way I was, going faster and faster.

But I couldn't move.

I just stayed in that standing position, so painfully aware of that I was choosing the wrong thing to do. Not even in frightened denial; I was thinking 'I'm so stupid' all the way down. And by every second, with which I sped up faster and faster, I made that choice again and again, the choice that became more and more stupid by every more dangerous second.

Just because I was still standing. Just because the big crash was still a bit ahead. I chose to stay standing. And while I was, I tried pretending that nothing was wrong. That it wasn't going to hurt. That I was flying.

I was so terrified.

Apparently, if I ever had the chance I would make that wrong choice again and again.

* * *

Sunday, 01.31 AM

I miss him.

Every now and then that thought would pop up in his head, only to disappear just as quickly, or be chased away –whatever happened first.

He could chose to grieve all he wanted; there was a lot to grieve. But even the hint of sorrow, that split second of _I miss him _made him so sick of himself that he could hardly stand it.

Yet, right now he was going to aloud his mind to drift towards that thought, keeping his eager part away from distracting him, as it always did. He appreciates that part, always saving him the bother of over-analysing and wallowing; worrying and grieving hardly did any good. Honestly.

But he wasn't going to ponder the romantic bit, the feelings of hugging him, touching him and kissing him-

No. He wasn't even going to go there.

Sure, it was annoying as hell not being aloud to show affection, especially affection such as kissing. Taichi did find that activity –though Sora totally ruined it for him- more wonderful than anything else. Now, being forbidden to kiss Yamato, this mild affection towards lip locking had turned into some kind of obsession...

He frowned, pushing the annoying thoughts away. Curse cliché teenage angst.

The only thing he could stand to aloud himself to mope about was the loss of the guy he used to hang out with.

It was time to admit it; he missed Yamato.

**--**

The familiar path, previously used by the two teens, was currently avoided by both Yamato and Taichi. It was an asphalted road that ran along the Odaiba coast, taking them ten minutes to school, and anything from nine to 45 minutes home _from_ school in the afternoon, depending on what amount of energy they had left and whether they had a specific time to catch or not.

Their shared way home stopped at a y-shaped cross-over, where they had about the same distance left to their respective homes. Following the other, thus getting a little bit more of the company, and from there making one's way home only took a few extra minutes. Yamato and Taichi took turns following the other home, not often separating unless they were in a hurry.

However, the result of the slight detour was hardly ever heading home emmidetly. Once they had walked the last distance, hanging at the other's place for a while was a tempting and common choice.

Aside from the two boys, the path was actively used by early morning joggers and, slightly lesser afternoon runners. The "health-freaks" as Yamato liked to refer them to, carried the blame of one day inspiring the brunet to force his currently best friend into the activity, not taking a no, an outbreak, a fight, an ice-cream smeared into his face, nor a detention for an answer.

Depriving his friend from any excuses other than his obvious laziness, the football player took the liberty to get the blond a good pair of shoes, a train-set and a timekeeper. All of this was in the end pair for by Yamato himself, who absolutely despised his friend's habit of being overly generous just to get what he wanted.

After trying his friend's patience the first three times of running along the same path (but in the opposite direction of their school) Taichi finally stopped the pep-talking, realising that the only reason Yamato didn't tell him off, was because he needed every bit of oxygen to keep up. In about a week, they had set a workable time of the day three times a week to keep free for jogging, and an appropriate distance to be able to study improvement.

It turned out that despite no training the previous 17 years, Yamato had a stamina that leveled with the otherwise far more trained athlete, making them -to their both surprise- a perfect jogging pair.

--

It was 08.06 AM this Thuesday, and if everything would have been in its right order, two boys could be expected to walk on this path, randomly chatting, fighting, laughing, murmuring things that was inappropriate for early morning joggers to over-hear, whining over boredom and lack of sleep, wondering what the hell the other was talking about, silently daydreaming off on their own, or just putting one foot in front of the other; not yet awake.

But everything wasn't in it's right order today. The coast-path lay open for the joggers to train in peace, maybe asking themselves where those two kids had gone. No, neither teen walked this way in the morning. They couldn't acknowledge each other yet. Neither took the risk of running into the other on their way too school, and found no problem in taking another path.

It was only _after _school that a blond boy would walk up to the y-shaped cross-over, stand there motionlessly until a dark-skinned boy with wild hair approached. The two strangers would then continue to the left, with no words spoken between them.

* * *

Socks in bed isn't the end of the world. True. But taking just a _second _to reach down and pull them off isn't the end of the world either, right?

Breathing. Not exactly a crime, is it? He knew after the incident where he had let out a noise that it was not very appreciated. Still, holding his breath while fucking is ridiculous! Not only because it's impossible, but also because it would just lead to panting when he finally had to get air.

Now, this was what took the price: flawless behavior. No mistakes, no incidents, nothing to complain over. Apparently, a crime, starting now.

Up until this point, Taichi had managed to make sense out of his situation with Yamato. Very simple and logical sense. Yamato wanted sex matching his current ideal, which was anonymous, safe, quick, and mechanic. His ideal, specifically, the brunet didn't completely understand, but he gladly respected it.

Evidently, the more Taichi managed to adjust to his standards, the less frustrated Yamato appeared.

To Taichi, that made perfect sense.

_Now_ however, his improvements seemed to bother the blond, rather than please.

Also, instead of striving to reach that precious ideal –or at least being the lazyass and just waiting for Taichi to get there, Yamato was aggravating the brunet's task, as if he _wanted_ everything to screw up.

- -

The football player growled, for the first time annoyed with the whole thing. He hadn't until now found it stupid, as Sora liked to announce it every now and then, since, as explained, it made sense. But now he was actually starting to wonder just _what_ was going through Yamato's head.

He closed the thick wooden door behind him, still frowning. Since when did sex become so unsatisfying?

The elevator before him reached the same floor, but he didn't bother throwing on a happy or at least neutral face. Screw it. Screw everything. Grown ups can whine all they want, it's not like _they _always look friendly.

"Taichi-kun."

He jumped, staring up into Ishida Hiroaki's scary appearance.

Scary was perhaps a bit mean way to describe him; it wasn't like he looked evil or had scars or anything that could freak a person out. Taichi just happened to have the opposite for a dad, who he naturally compared everyone else's fathers to. Mr Yagami always had a smile in the corner of his mouth, and he simply wouldn't hurt a fly. He had that lazily calm dad-atmosphere around him that Yamato's father lacked.

Right now, Taichi really wasn't very pleased to see Mr Ishida, but that had nothing to do with physical appearance. It was rather about what he'd been doing to this man's son, just recently. Growing paranoid, he started wondering if Hiroaki actually could _smell _Yamato on him.

"H-hi Ishida-san!" He grinned widely, despite his whole body protesting. He knew that he would have to watch his mouth, and consider every move and expression he made unless he wanted Yamato's dad to get suspicious. Quite frankly, he was too worn-out to do that. There was one alternative and that was praying to God that Mr Ishida didn't give a damn about what might happen in his son's personal life.

"How is school, Taichi?"

He mentally groaned. Why couldn't he have just run from the very start?

"School is… awesome" he said lamely, very aware of that Mr Ishida knew that it was a lie, and was probably annoyed by the fact that he didn't appreciate education that his parents after all paid for and many kids in the world didn't have, plus inwardly wrinkled his nose at his horribly youthful language. Being the optimist, he figured that deep down the man still liked him despite his flaws.

"Still trouble with your grades?"

"Working on it"

"Hm" Hiroaki nodded. Then shifted, clearing his throat. Taichi impatiently waited for him to force a final question that would finish their obligatory little chitchat and release him.

"What's wrong with Yamato?"

The elevator opened. They both nodded at the old man who was passing, walking slowly towards his apartment. The sound of trembling keys echoed in the stairwell for a moment, before he managed to unlock and enter.

"I-"

"He's been acting very strange. Well, strang_er _I guess." His shrug said what he meant, which Taichi knew all too well; people under thirty are aliens to him. _Especially _his son.

The teen gulped. For a few ever lasting split seconds he frantically searched for a good lie. Then he suddenly realised that he didn't have to come up with one.

Feeling the weight lift from his shoulders, he shook his head. "I have no clue."

Mr Ishida narrowed his eyes, unhappy with his answer. "So he hasn't spoken to you about it? Look, I don't care if it's secret, I want to know what the hell has… _happened _to him."

Taichi shook his head. "I'm sorry, he hasn't opened up to me more than anyone else, and I honestly don't know what's got into him."

The brunet mentally grinned. It was fun not having to lie, and at the same time not having to reveal anything.

"Fine," the elder muttered, and left him for the door.

--

The teen fled down the stairs, not wasting any time to get out of there. Mr Ishida wasn't surprised. He had always treated that Yagami-kid with caution and contempt, completely clueless when his son had stopped doing the same. Over time he had repeatedly got proven that there wasn't really anything unusually evil behind that dreadful grin, but he didn't let his guard down.

The guy was alright, and he had to admit that it was a relief seeing the brunet force Yamato's bright sides out of him, and stop him from helplessly –though strangely rebelliously- following his father's footsteps; isolating himself and despising most people. Especially those like Taichi. What irony.

Right now, he could not understand why the brat wasn't doing his goddamn job. His son was behaving even worse than he'd done just after he and Yamato's mother had divorced. If there was ever a need for the football player to step in and play hero, now was the time. But that useless boy had left him to do the work –which he was practically incapable of.

Mr Ishida opened the door and stepped into the apartment that never did, and probably never _would _feel like home. In all honesty he felt more attached to the number on their door. At "home" (he still felt the liability to call it home) he felt lost, unneeded and unnamed. At his work he had a role, a responsibility, expectations on him, trust. Something to _do. _His job was the only thing that seemed to move in his life. Only thing that felt sane.

Yamato was in the shower. Had he always showered in the afternoon?

Though it still felt partly pointless and just irritating, he decided to focus on his son's change of behaviour. It wasn't a guilty one –Mr Ishida had seen his son struggling with guilt, either hiding it or trying to make up for it. The suspicious way he acted when hiding something came the closest to this case, and yet it was hardly comparable.

He somehow wanted to believe that there was something being held from him, perhaps an easier road to go down, but he couldn't kid himself with that. Yamato had accepted something, he wasn't guilty or in denial, he had given something up.

He had _given up. _

Failure.

Hiroaki momentarily felt ashamed of him, too reminded of his own failure that that he somehow couldn't accept as maturity or evolvement, no matter how much he wanted to. He had failed. Not even they –_he._

And now his son was failing; giving something up, leaving himself behind. Mr Ishida was on line of despising him. Realising that it wouldn't do any good, he reminded himself of that he didn't even know _what _had been accepted, given up slash left behind. Maybe it was necessary –like he still wished he could honestly say about his divorce. Maybe it was the right thing.

He frowned. If so, things would eventually work out. Maybe not go back to normal, but work out.

From here, he just couldn't see that happening.

Then again, he'd always been accused of being a pessimist.

* * *

Wednesday, Yagami's residence

--

"Tai, stop playing with your food"

"I'm not playing, I'm being artistic"

"…that's art?"

He glanced up. "Creative art."

"Right. Well, here's a newsflash for you: it's eatable."

An awkward silence around the table followed. Taichi snickered, biting his lips to stop himself from answering. Then Kari started snickering as well. Their dad joined in, but quickly stopped when he noticed his wife's murderous glare. He cleared his throat and straightened.

"Alright, just eat that will you Tai, it's tastes _delicious._" Last word was said with a broad smile towards Mrs Yagami, who merely snorted.

The male teen gave up his project and started eating, smiling weakly when his mother eyed him. "Yummy"

"You're not giving it a chance!" she muttered, defensive partly because she didn't even like it herself.

"No, it's great! Really"

The topic was soon dropped after they had all laughed it off –it was a known fact in the family that Mrs Yagami liked to… experiment with food.

A few minutes later the adults proceeded on bringing up another thing that didn't seem too easily fitted amongst the weather and Hikari's science-project. It was done less than discretely –to say the _least_.

"So, how's the love life going?"

The two siblings exchanged glances, both mentally groaning. When they finally allowed themselves to look up, accepting their destiny, Mr and Mrs Yagami were expectantly looking at Taichi.

Not knowing what to answer, he used the classic repeating method. "How _my love life _is going?"

"Yeah, you know… have you got a girlfriend?" Mr Yagami fought to keep his expression neutral. "Boyfriend?"

You could tell that they were both proud of coming up with this mind-blowing alternative.

Taichi slowly hung his head. One glance at his sister told him that she was fighting not to laugh her head off.

Sticking with the repeating method, he looked up again. "Boyfriend?"

They nodded enthusiastically. "Yep. How should we know if you're gay or straight or… purple or green," his dad joked, relieved to see that at least his daughter was almost falling off the chair laughing. Never mind _what_ exactly she was laughing at…

"Look, what we're trying to ask is if you're a homosexual," his mother filled in, more business like than her husband, as usual.

Taichi scratched his head. "No, I um… I'm rather that kind that has sex with dead people –what do you call it?"

"Necrophile"

"Thanks Kari."

The parents frowned. "Taichi, we are trying to have a conversation with you here. You don't have to tell us everything but we don't feel that you should hide who you are from us. We have no problem with it."

"Fine, I molest children"

"Taichi!"

He shrugged. "Animals?"

The respond was only a glare from his mother. He snapped his fingers. "I'm a sadist!"

She scowled. "Dammit, Taichi-"

"Rapist? Polyamorous? Incestuous?"

"Ew," was heard from his left.

"Right, strike that"

"I told you this wasn't a good idea…" Mrs Yagami mumbled, resting her head in her palm.

"Honey, _you _insisted on asking him."

"Well what am I supposed to do?" she cried out, frustrated beyond belief. Realising that he was still sitting there, she collected herself and turned to her son again.

"Tai, I know you don't share a lot of personal stuff with me, but something's up and if you can't convince me that you're perfectly fine then I need to know what it is. I don't want to interfere but I hate seeing you like this!"

His dad nodded. "Ditto"

"Alright! Jeez, I didn't think you'd make such a big deal out of this" he complained, uneasy with being questioned.

"I hate to take their side, but you're doing the smiley-thing and that's never a good sign" his little sister pointed out matter of factly.

He crossed his arms in surrender, sulking. "_Fine. _What do you wanna know?"

Mrs Yagami lit up, starting to list her fingers. "If there's something bothering you, what it is –if you want to tell us that but you don't have to, if and how you are handling it, and how it's working."

He blinked. "How about we go back o the gay-thing again?"

"Is that the issue?"

He slumped his shoulders. "No."

"Well then!"

"Wait, wait!" Hikari interrupted, holding up a hand. "I want to know!"

"Yeah, I'm also curious," Mr Yagami agreed.

Mrs Yagami sighed dramatically, giving up. "Fine, but after that I want my answers," she demanded, practically obsessed. For an agreement they just rolled their eyes.

A short silence followed.

"Tai?"

The brunet jumped. "Right. Yeah… um." He took a moment to think. "I'd say bi leaning towards gay. Ish."

The elder male nodded. Then he turned to Hikari. "That means…?"

"That means," Taichi took up, "a girl would have to be pretty damn hot- I mean beautiful," he corrected, grinning nervously at his mother's narrowed eyes. "for me to date her, and a dude can be… average."

"You slut!" Hikari exclaimed.

He grinned back. "It's theoretical of course"

"Just use a condom and think before acting. Oh, and Hikari, don't say slut. Especially not to your _brother._" Mrs Yagami was really starting to grow a headache.

"Right, any suggestions? _Stud? _There're only positive names for men!" she protested.

Taichi nodded thoughtfully. "That's true, I actually can't think of any names other than pissed off women would use, you know like 'pig' or 'bastard' and that's not even specific."

"Fascinating," Mr Yagami spoke up, receiving a kick in the leg. "Ow! Oh, okay –kids, shut up and listen to your mother."

She sighed darkly, waiting for the younger generation to fully pay attention –it always took an extra couple of seconds. "Tai, sweetie?" she then started with a smile, but shortly frowned as they all groaned, even her husband.

"Mom, just say what you have to say and stop trying to sound like a mother" her son complained, not able to hide a grin.

"You know that hurt" she informed him in all earnest, jumping to the conclusion that she was a bad mom.

"…I mean mother in a bad way," he argued, not really getting why she was offended. "Y'know, like old-fashioned, overprotective and embarrassing? One that uses the word 'sweetie'?" He made a face to prove his point.

"You'll never be that kind of mother and we're very happy for that, mom" Hikari filled in, magically convincing Mrs Yagami that she was more than enough.

"Alright. Tai," she started, answered with a nod and an already warningly big smile. "are you troubled by anything?"

He shifted and placed his elbows on the table, ready to discuss. "So here the deal; I have a… _thing_ going on that could be mistaken for a problem but it's not and I'm working on it, and I'm handling it better and better by each day, damn near _perfectly _by now if I do say so myself, and I'm not letting it get to me and I refuse to see it as a problem because it has to be done and I might as well have the right spirit since that will only speed things up."

His mother tilted her head, completely ignoring his encouraged smile and optimistic words. "You don't want to tell us what it is?"

"Not really, it's not a big deal and I'm handling it fine by myself."

By now, Taichi's manic smile (and not the good kind) was back, and the rest of the Yagami family silently nodded, exchanging sad glances. They all knew that whatever it was, and whether it would be over soon or not, Taichi would not be okay for a while, and there was no way they could help out.

"Thanks for the dinner mom, it was delicious, and oh you guys are great the way you took the come-out, not that I doubted you really, but I'm glad it's not a problem for either of us, hey I think I'm gonna go for a run, see you guys later-"

And Taichi was out the door.

* * *

Same evening, Yamato

--

He was in an empty room. He couldn't tell how big, but it was enough to echo. One stream of light came from above, lighting up a circle around him, leaving the shadows around to hide the rest of the emptiness. No one was there, no one could hear. No one disturbing or to be considered.

He could finally scream at the top of his lungs.

It was a hidden dream he'd had for years in the back of his head. It seemed far away; to go all out, holding nothing back and just… see how loud you could be.

It wasn't about frustration or rage or fear. Just freedom.

The idea thrilled him, and he often let his thoughts carry him there. First the complete silence. Simply that was mind blowing. Then the space, reaching miles around him. That followed by the darkness.

Then screaming at the top of his lungs, throwing arms out and head back, feet steady on the ground, giving nothing less than everything.

When exhausted, he would just lie there, savouring the silence and the feeling of space and emptiness around him. When completely relaxed, almost numb by the stillness, he would start playing. Peacefully at first, then exhilaratingly passionate and unhindered. Unashamed. He would play and sing for as long as he wanted, as loud as he wanted, allowing himself to get completely caught up by it. For _hours…_

"Yamato?"

"Yes?"

"I thought I'd grab something to eat. Are you hungry?"

"Sure."

He got off the bed and walked up to his bedroom door, opening it and quietly making his way pass his father, heading towards the kitchen.

Still standing in the doorway to his son's room, Mr Ishida sighed. It wasn't just the lack of eye contact –it was the lack of contact in general. Yamato was on a whole other planet. Completely numb. Not… _out of it, _but sort of immune. Isolated.

He shook his head, giving up the endless analyse and walked into the kitchen.

"Let's talk" he ordered, angrily ignoring the fact that it sounded like a joke. _Talk? _

Not that Yamato would refuse to –that would be normal behaviour from his son's side. Here, he wanted to take as little space as possible, not being difficult, and keep out of his dad's way. Funny thing was that Yamato's quietness caught Hiroaki's attention more than any rebellious outbreaks and spites ever had.

"Okay." Somehow figuring what his dad wanted –and would have the chance to complain over if Yamato didn't think first- he turned away from his activity, which was throwing together some sandwiches to eat, and approached the table. Sitting down, he faced his father.

Mr Ishida had always been forced to demand his son to look at him. Because when they actually had a conversation it was always about a problem that needed to be solved, and the case was often Yamato being furious with him or vice versa. Therefore eye contact was hard to get.

Right now, Yamato avoided any difficulties by looking patiently into his eyes, face neutral and hypocritically cooperative. To his slight shock Mr Ishida noted that this would've been perfect in their everyday life. No fights, terrific teamwork but no real connection whatsoever. Time saving.

Uninterrupted, he sat there pondering for a few minutes, before blinking and returning to reality. Yamato looked up as well, obviously having thought of something else in the meantime. If he _did _think.

"How's the playing going?" he asked, taking a chance and feeling his heart speed up slightly as something was lit in those blue eyes. A happy kind of surprise mixed with confusion, then the fake cooperation.

"I haven't played in a while"

"Oh." He briefly thought of using the confession to continue on that topic, but his son's expression told him that he had nothing more to say in the area.

"Are you happy?"

That couldn't be answered without at least some emotion.

There was a delay, indicating that the question was odd and quite out of the blue. "Pretty much"

Apparently, it could.

"Are _you_ happy, dad?"

He looked up, for a second believing that his son was actually wondering. Challenging him. Criticising his life and his relation with people around him. Knowing that he was the same. Secretly searching for some kind of hope.

But it was said with an annoying ease that only therapists seem to have achieved with using those words daily.

"Sure," he sighed. It didn't matter what he said, Yamato would still nod quietly, not taking the conversation further.

"Are you in love?" Well, here goes everything.

The blond seemed to become even less personal with this question. As if protecting himself. More fake.

"No."

He didn't tense up, rather the opposite. He raised his eyebrows, silently asking 'got another stupid question for me?', but still with the respect and false cooperation Mr Ishida could see amongst some of his co-workers.

"That's it –you're grounded!" he suddenly barked, just waiting for the teenager to snap and return. He told himself that it was an attempt to startle him out of his bubble, but the fact was rather that he couldn't take the inhumanity his son expressed.

Yamato frowned in confusion, but soon got over it, returning to his fake respecting with just a hint of the first emotion shown for a while now that his father recognized. Contempt.

"If you say so," he replied, waiting until Hiroaki looked down before rising to his feet and fetching his sandwiches.

When things like this happened –not too often; it wasn't a very effective punishment seeing as Mr Ishida wasn't home enough to really watch him- it was the centre of the universe. It was all Yamato could focus on and therefore he would be furious the whole time.

Right now, he could tell that Yamato had other things to deal with. If anything, this was only a pleasant distraction.

Beside the obvious lack of talking and reacting, Yamato had also changed by improved his schoolwork. He seemed perfectly happy with having something as boring as homework to do, where he could escape from himself and still feel useful.

Mr Ishida understood completely. But this was about his seventeen year old son, and that was alarming.

Frustrated, Mr Ishida retired to his office, to escape from himself and glut in working over time, stubbornly ignoring the irony.

* * *

Saturday, 2.37 PM

She clenched and unclenched his fists. A habit she'd always had when nervous or worried in some way.

She'd done it on her first date, before every single speech that had to be done in front of the class, before _the _talk with her mom, when she once thought she'd lost her passport, before important games in tennis –although that was mostly a good kind of nervous.

This was not.

Yet, she hadn't felt so determined in a long time. That scared her a little; it was actually going to _happen_, no matter how it would turn out she was going to do it. There was no turning back.

Another habit was doubting at the very last second that she'd gotten everything right. It was the right place, wasn't it? She checked the number again before rolling her eyes. She had been here a few times, and she had a good memory.

Everything Taichi had told her –and not told her- still existed, right? It wasn't just her amazing fantasy going off on it's own accord again, was it?

She shook her head, scowling. Clenched and unclenched her fists.

The door opened, revealing a tall middle-aged man with an elegant but very tired appearance.

Mentally cursing her jumping guts, she put an enormous smile on her face. "Konnichiwa, Ishida-san!"

He looked terrifyingly confused and slightly disturbed at first, causing Sora to jump to all kinds of uncomfortable conclusions.

"Ah." Recognition then crossed his face, joined by a surprisingly welcoming warmth, shortly followed by awkwardness. "I'm sorry…?"

"Oh!" she exclaimed, finally realising that it was the right apartment and she was apparently an accepted visitor, and he had only happened to forget her name. "Takanouchi Sora" she introduced, bowing slightly.

He nodded, remembering. "How are you, Sora-san?"

"I'm fine, thank you. Um, is Yamato-kun in?"

The man suddenly looked troubled, lost in thought. Then he blinked, shaking his head a bit hesitatingly. "He is. But I don't know if he wants to talk to anyone," he admitted apologetically.

Sora smiled in reassurance. "I figured that. But I'm going to talk to him whether he likes it or not," she claimed, blushing slightly over being so forward. Mr Ishida looked surprised. Then an impressed smile slowly spread over his face.

"Well in that case, come right in"

* * *

**Here's the good part: I've got the next chapter half done, and it's already longer than this one :) so I'm not gonna take forever this time, plus I'll try to get it done before school starts again and steals all of my time -sob- Hopefully around end of august/september? If not, then see you at Christmas! ;) **

**Now, your job: Review! **

**I don't care who you are, when you started reading, what you think, or how lazy you are -if you've taken the time to read all of this then you can take the time to review! :D you'll make a swedish girl very happy X) **


	12. Chapter 12

**Wait a minute... it's not Christmas yet, is it? **

**So you're getting this a little sooner than you perhaps expected, hope you don't mind :) Like I said, I already had this just about ready, so there's wasn't much I could do but update..**

**Final chapter, here you go: **

* * *

chapter 12

* * *

There's a knock on my door.

Not dad.

It's the stranger that rang the doorbell. The female that talked to my dad. The teenage girl who was invited into the apartment. Takanouchi Sora who walked up to my door and knocked.

"Come in"

She opens the door as though it'll explode any second. Steps in as if into a lion's cage. All the same hiding her nervousness with a trained skill.

For once the preacher seems to be speechless, so I finally look up when deciding that it will get things done more quickly. Not that I'm very thrilled over her visit.

"Can I help you?"

Sora frowns, looking at me for a while and seemingly waiting for something. Then she shakes her head. "I came here to talk to you."

"Go ahead"

She sighs. "I know that you're doing whatever it is you're doing to Taichi, simply because you _can. _Because that idiot allows you to."

Then she pauses for a brief moment, staring at me, then disappointingly looking away. "I'm asking you to stop, because it's hurting him, and I can't think of a reason you would want to hurt him more than necessary."

She keeps gazing at me intently, waiting. Shock crosses her face for a split second. Then she pulls herself together, shaking her head sadly. The eyes look up yet again, pleading.

"Anything else?"

For a moment, Sora looks hurt. Then anger builds up. "Look here Ishida, you're gonna leave Tai the fuck alone, that's the _least_ you owe him for all the shit you've been pulling him through!"

She's red with fury as I quietly walk up to the door and open it. "Leave."

"The hell I will!" is her response, looking ready to punch me.

"_Leave,_" I insist, still holding the door open.

"Your dad has already left, if that's what you're worried about. He figured we needed to solve this on our own." She goes over to my bed and sits on it, crossing her arms.

"Right. I'm sorry, I don't see why you're still here."

"Leave. Taichi. Alone," she says slowly, emphasizing every word as though I'm deaf.

"I am."

Well not _deaf_, but leaving Yagami alone.

She snorts. "You're screwing every five minutes!"

"I'm as emotionally detached from him as possible."

"Yeah, I get that that was the plan. But in reality you two are a big, mad, emotional _mess!_ And you need to leave him the fuck alone before someone puts him away in an institute!"

"I'm not responsible for his sanity, and I certainly don't leave any marks physically either."

She almost laughs, clearly not believing what her ears are hearing. Her gaze shifts around my room, across the window, my desk, my bookcases, my stereo, the wall with all its posters of people who've inspired me, my computer, closet, guitar, carpet, feet. Trapped in her own thoughts. She goes back to observe me, as though I can't see her. Then her face crunches up in disgust.

"He loves you, you know" she spits. Then, after studying my face Sora suddenly lights up slightly, and with regained energy she continues, "You're still his best friend. And I know you still care about him too, I just saw it."

Now she's pointing a finger at me, looking like I'm about to give her the answer to everything.

"I'm sorry, Takenouchi, but I've got homework to do."

"I'm not leaving!" she claims stubbornly. Then throws her arms out. "Don't you get it? Tai fucking _cares _about you and you're stamping on him. You're stamping on the friendship you used to have! For a whole year he fought for that friendship. For a whole fucking _year _he ran around, ecstatic over tiny improvements that I could hardly see. So determined, so patient and stubborn with getting you to let him in. I'm not judging you for ending that friendship, for walking away. I'm judging you for destroying it with what you're doing now!"

* * *

Sora stared at the blond boy. He didn't look as patient anymore. His fists had clenched and he was gritting his teeth just slightly.

"Yamato, _what _is going on inside your head? I got the whole avoiding thing, and even the slip ups and the 'casual fuck agreement'! But you've got two other alternatives here that will save you _both _the pain you're feeling now! I know you're not happy like this!" the girl prompted, waiting for him to admit that she was right.

"I don't know what you're talking about and you really should stay out of my life –especially considering the way you've been interfering these last couple of weeks."

Sora shrugged. "Fair enough. I honestly don't care about what you do and I actually think that you can continue tricking yourself for half a lifetime. Go ahead! But if you don't stay out of my friend's life I'm not getting off your back until you do," the redhead promised matter of factly, leaving no room for protest. At least that's what she thought.

"Taichi may be stupid but he knows enough to say no by himself. That's all he'll need to do, not that this has _anything _to do with you."

Another expression of disbelief crossed her face. This guy really was in denial. "Are you saying that there's nothing fucked up about what you and Tai are doing –or rather what _you_ are doing?"

He rolled his eyes. "We have gay sex. I guess you're free to find that fucked up but it's not really your business, is it?"

"Don't you _dare _throw any fucking homophobe crap on me, or _anyone _for that matter! You're the most homophobic gay person I know!"

"I've accepted it, and why would you wanna go back to that? Seriously, I don't have time for this, now will you please get out?"

The other teen nodded, deciding not to be the loud one. "Fine. If you leave Taichi alone."

Yamato sighed, trying to regain the strength to take care of the situation without fighting. "I hardly say a word to him, I _never _approach him at school, I just offer him something we both want. Unless _he _decides that he doesn't want it why would I care if _you _don't like it?"

"I'm asking again; you claim that there's nothing wrong with what you do to him?"

He frowned in confusion. "We have sex. What would be so awfully _wrong _with that?"

Sora shook her head, chuckling bitterly. "Need a list?"

* * *

Hikari's voice started out as a distant rambling that came closer and closer and eventually, when a barrier of wood that had muted it was thrown open, exploded before abruptly quieting.

"Tai, mom wants to know if your gonna keep that disgusting football shirt because it's the hundredth time she washing it now and it's still got that gross stain on it and by the way that shock-yellow print t-shirt you bought freakin' discolored my white skirt and I was gonna use- oh."

The little sister grinned embarrassingly, backing out of her brother's room. "Sorry, –hi Koushiro-san"

Said male nodded. "Hikari-san"

"I think you're skirt got a pretty cute color" the older Yagami announced, leaning back in his desk chair.

Hikari narrowed her eyes. "It looks like vomit. And don't think you're getting the honor of styling me now just because you're-" the 13 year old paused, glancing at the redhead who looked his usual disturbed self –he hated listening to siblings nagging at each other. It was too intimate.

"Never mind!" the girl chirped, closing the door again.

"That's stereotyping!" Taichi called after her, not catching his friend's obvious wince.

The football player turned back to the genius. "You were saying?"

Koushiro had insisted on teaching him how to use the Microsoft Word –Taichi had laughed when he said it; he _knew _how to type, jeez, how stupid did Koushiro think he was? The computer geek had frowned. Then, after testing him on the endless tools and editions they both came to the conclusion that maybe the idea wasn't so bad after all. _Besides, _his friend had added, _if you're going to write a good assignment, you have to know how to edit it correctly. It's just as important. _

Now, Koushiro was giving him a strange look that Taichi had a feeling concerned his little sister's "slip-up" (she did it on purpose. He just knew) rather than his lacking skills on text-editing.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Taichi threw his arms out. "I didn't think you'd care whether I discolored Kari's skirt or not-"

"Taichi."

"Right." He shifted, glancing at him. "I've hardly told _anyone_, 'sides, didn't you hear the rumor? What? Okay, so rumors aren't your thing… Look, I just didn't think it'd come up, I haven't given it much thought, and I haven't exactly been _hiding _it-"

"I'm just disappointed that you can ask me for favors but you can't confide me with anything," the shorter teen explained blankly, while at the same time looking like he didn't care at all.

"It just never crossed my mind. Honestly," the brunet held up a hand. Then two. Then he pouted.

Koushiro shrugged, facing the computer again. The football player opened his mouth, giving him a quick glance, but closed it again and returned to the screen. Then he glanced again.

"Hey Izzy-"

"I won't."

He smiled in relief. "Okay."

* * *

Ishida's residence

Yamato's raised eyebrows told her that whether he was aware of it or not, Sora would have to remind him. She picked her hand up, ready to count.

"He's not _allowed _to talk, he's not _allowed _to make mistakes, he's not _allowed _to look at you, he' not _allowed _to decide anything, he's not _allowed _to kiss you, he's not _allowed _to stay afterwards, he's got all these fucking _rules _to think about –you call that casual sex? Jeez! Sounds like a daily test or punishment!" the redhead exclaimed, trying to get the point through, tired of all the stupid excuses she had heard about it from Taichi himself.

Yamato narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. "Sex isn't just _one _way, Sora. You might look at it as romantic and easy and emotional. Others see it as boring and unpleasant. Some see it as something forbidden and shameful. Some see it as ridiculous. Some see it as fun and rebellious. It's not one thing. And you might think that sex without talking or eye contact or cuddle is horrible, fine! That's your choice. I see it as something liberating. Understand that or not. I don't care."

Sora nodded, accepting his reasoning. "Okay, I get that. You're making sense," the teen on the bed admitted, boldly looking up at him where he was leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets. His expression told her that he couldn't care less.

"And I _would've _bought it if it wasn't for the fact you still care about each other," Sora took up, fire relighting in her eyes.

"Tai was _miserable _that day I followed him home and you walked away. I know he's a guy but he would not be _miserable _over missing out on sex. This is the only way Taichi gets to be with you. Do you have any idea how seriously he's taking it? It took me _hours _to make him talk, just because you had told him he shouldn't. He curses himself over the simple mistakes he makes, and he puts tons of pressure on himself to be _perfect. _Just to please you. And then he doesn't even get a smile in return! In the meantime Tai jokes and chats and laughs it all away. He smiles at _walls. _He's got that smile that cuts his face in two –you know that-"

"Yeah, I know," the blond mumbled, staring at the floor.

"Yamato, please stop hurting him. Stop hurting _yourself,_" she begged, getting more and more drawn into the tragedy of the situation.

The male teen cleared his throat, looking up at the wall. "I know this looks bad. Well, it _is,_" he added as an afterthought. He gazed distantly above her, as if talking to himself. "I get what I'm doing to him, even though I avoid it the best I can, and despite his way of hiding it." The blue eyed boy frowned, shrugging as he shook his head. "I thought since he doesn't really care about what I…" he trailed off, eyes widening.

"_What do you mean we're not friends anymore? Why not? I thought we were supposed to move on?"_

Nothing had been explained. Taichi had looked like a human question mark. He had refused to give up. He was under the impression that everything could've gone back to the way things were. Ready to take him back. Hell, ready to _drag _him back… Then, the brunet had adjusted like a pro, leaving Yamato the great relief of assuming that it was fine. At least functional. They both got what they wanted.

"I do so much to belittle him. Make him feel bad about himself. And in a way I just… wish he'd give up." The blond trailed off, blinking. His gaze turned unsteady and he distractively headed for the door and closed it again. "It's not that I… that I'm angry with him. I don't hate him. I don't really want him to suffer… I just-"

Sora stared at his hands where his knuckles had turned white. Just like ages ago, she didn't know if she was supposed to comfort him in some way. If Yamato needed it, or if that would backfire. If she should instead push him into exploding, to face his reality and himself. Or if that would just screw it all up again.

"I'm just so tired," the blond finally sighed, closing his eyes. "I'm so tired of being this emotional _mess_. I'm tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve. I'm tired of him seeing so much of it, knowing so much about me. Dammit, it's _secret. _Some things are just meant to be kept secret! Doesn't mean it's something bad or illegal, just personal and intimate. Lately I've been so _dizzy _from everything, that I've shared and revealed so much, and I just… want my privacy back. My control."

The red-haired girl stayed quiet, taking in the words. He was still clenching his fists. "I understand," she finally murmured.

There was another silence.

"You do?" His voice sounded skeptical. Sora never seemed to level with him; she was so passionate about her own opinions. And they often had polar-opposite ones.

"Yeah," was the simple response, added with a shrug. "You want space. You want things that no one else can know about. Even if they'd accept it. Doesn't matter. It's _yours, _until someone knows about it." She looked up. "But you're losing a friend here. You might think that it's already over, but… it's all still there, ready to be caught."

He shook his head quickly. "I can't be his friend, Sora-"

The redhead scowled. "Why not? I mean _I_ sure as hell wouldn't have taken you back, but Tai's willing to. He'll handle being _without _you too, but you have still got a chance. Don't be so stupid for once!" she demanded, fed up with his constant cowardness.

"Look, it's not about that I think I've screwed up –not that I wouldn't deserve to be hated by him. It's just that I couldn't _handle _being friends with Taichi. I can't _think _straight around him."

Sora rolled her eyes. "Duh. You want him. But you can still have sex and… be friends in some way. A… friendly way-"

"It's not the sex! Jeez, I've had enough of that already. I mean it's nice and everything, but it's not what's screwing my head up." Yamato quieted, running a hand through his hair. He didn't meet Sora's eyes for a while.

She waited patiently for him to pick up where he left off. He didn't.

"Yamato?"

"I don't want to tell you this," the boy mumbled, still not looking at her.

She raised her eyebrows. "Would it make things better?"

"No! It doesn't _matter _what you know, it's all hopeless!" he hissed bitterly.

The tennis player stood up, walking up to him. It was like approaching an injured animal; she was half expecting him to launch out and bite her. The more Sora thought about it, the more she realized how hard it was to know what to expect from him. It had been several weeks since they really talked, and it was the first time he even said a word to her in this weird state he had been in these last handful of days.

Sora eyed him closely, feeling hesitation creeping over her. His hand was still stuck in his hair, as if ready to rip it off. His eyes were a light shade of blue that made him look insane. Well, it was only one way to find out…

"Come on" she said gently, putting a hand on his shoulder and dragging him to the bed, where they sat down. He didn't protest, or bite for that matter. He was numb and at the same time caught up in his frustration. The girl crossed her legs and faced him, giving him her full attention and time. A minute passed. Then two.

Finally, he said something. Sora barely caught it. "You know all those rules?"

Hesitating, she checked to confirm. "That you gave him?"

"Yeah." Yamato paused, looking down at the cover. "It drove me crazy," he whispered. "Whenever he did any of those things that I later forbade him of. When he looked at me. Or talked to me, or did _anything _unexpected. I got dizzy. I couldn't think. All these horrible things that I couldn't control started happening, you know, like when you're really nervous. Reflexes. These kinds that prepare you to run or fight for your life? Plus the complete opposite; how the hell are you supposed to run when you're all weak in the knees? And your feel almost sick. And dizzy. And all that's left of your brain is a puddle of sorry, unhelpful-" he stopped, searching for a suitable word, "_goo_."

When the pale teen dared to look up at her, he frowned. "What's so funny?"

"I'm sorry!" the other laughed, not able to wipe the grin off her face. This was just too good to be true. Suddenly it all made sense. "You have a crush on him!"

Yamato hesitated, considering the word. Then he shrugged. "I guess. But it's a selfish crush. I'm so obsessed with trying to control all these effects he's got on me, that I _use _him in different ways to calm down!"

What was received next couldn't have been more unsuspected. Instinctively he felt insulted, but the moment it was over he wanted it again, overwhelmed with how incredibly _right _it felt. The blond suddenly realized that he had nearly longed for it from the very start, though never aware of that fact. He almost felt like crying and laughing at the same time.

Sora hadn't held back one bit, and it was a bit intoxicating to feel how strong she actually was. Her palm was pulsing, almost impossible to clench again. She barely had time to realize what she'd done before the words followed suit, another way of expressing her reaction.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

He turned his face towards her again, staring in amazement as the girl in front of him pulled him straight down to earth.

_Finally._

"Then why the fuck are you treating him like that? Why are you so freaking cold, why don't you talk to him, why don't you give anything back, why don't you show him how much you care? Why the fuck are you treating him like he's worth nothing!"

His mouth dropped open, eyes widely studying her outbreak; half fascinated and half ashamed. "I-"

"Why aren't you doing normal stuff? Why are you avoiding all those things that a human being would do if they cared for someone? Don't you _want_ to look at him? Or hear him speak? Or kiss-"

Yamato interrupted her by laughing incredulously. "Are you _kidding?"_

Sora stared back, not believing what she just heard. "DO I FUCKING _LOOK _LIKE I'M KIDDING?!"

The male leaned forward, somehow not flinching from her rage. "You have _no idea _how much I want that, alright? It's _ridiculous. _Whenever he does one of those mistakes I just want to throw away everything and have him doing it again and again until we both throw up"

The other teen wrinkled her nose, momentarily forgetting her anger. "Wow, that's romantic"

"It's not romantic! Will you just get that out of your fucking head already! I mean it's useless and crippling to me! I wish I could be around him and still just be friends again, all three of us, but I'd just collapse if he happened to touch me, or look my way or speak to me. I can't even see him as a person, I just see skin and lips and eyes and hair and hands and waist-" Yamato shook his head, grimacing. "I know having sex is a useless solution, and it's a ticking bomb because no matter what rule I come up with, and how apathetic it becomes, I'm just about to lose it every time. That day he happened make this... groan, or whatever, I freaked out because it was all I could focus on. I couldn't _think_ at all!"

Now she was smiling. He narrowed his eyes again, not seeing why this girl just couldn't take him seriously. "What's so _funny?"_ He growled, frowning even more.

"That's still pretty cute"

His eyes widened. "CUTE?"

Distantly noting that the old short-tempered Yamato was back, which was a relief in its own way, she snickered. "You said it wasn't about the sex, right? I mean if it would've been because you're a horny bastard then it would be pathetic. But you like him, and he affects you to the point where it's _hilarious. _The only weird thing here is that you're not doing everything to have him. To do all those things that drives you insane-"

Yamato laughed in contempt. "That's like jumping off a cliff! Sora, this is not a functional thing I have, okay, I fucking _scare _myself around him! If I don't control it then it'll all go straight down the drain. I mean do you actually think I'll treat him better if I let go? I'd treat him worse!"

"Gee, think that's even possible?" Her glare faded and she shook her head, sighing softly. "Matt, you care about him. You're just so busy feeling sorry for yourself that you can't see it."

He rolled his eyes, refusing to be encouraged. "Whatever. This isn't gonna stop; Tai will keep trying to be perfect, which he'll never be because he'll still turn my brain into jelly no matter what he does. And I'll have to fight it and keep hurting him-"

"Suggestion!" she interrupted, holding up her index finger. "How about _not _fighting it?"

"I told you it's not even possible! This isn't normal, harmless dating-material feelings I have! It's like... naive friendship mixed with this weird obsession-"

"You haven't even given it a chance!" she exclaimed, not taking his prejudiced negativity.

He sighed, shaking his head. "Sora, believe it or not, but I've also considered the Happily Ever After version. No chance in hell. Sure, maybe I could work together a genuine mixture of all the different feelings I have, and maybe he'd go for it –I wouldn't be surprised- but then there's just the rest of the fucking world we'd have to face. It wouldn't _work_"

"Want proof?"

Caught off guard, he frowned in confusion, blinking. "_Proof?"_

Sora nodded, grinning. She couldn't believe it was finally about to come out. It had been Mimi's idea, motivating that it could perhaps help him out. Inspire.

"_So where are you?"_

"_On my way to his apartment" the tennis player answered, noting that she sounded pretty much the same as when she had been about to explain to her mother how she had accidentally broken the dishwasher. __The one they had just bought."_

"_You're gonna talk to him?"_

"_I am," she confirmed weakly, not sounding very convincing. "I'm going to tell him to leave Tai alone, at least."_

"_Good luck!" Mimi chirped, making Sora laugh in despair. "Go get him! Think about Taichi's jokes," the other girl kept cheering. "He's probably not as scary as he looks, y'know, he's just a confused little coward who can't decide what he wants"_

"_He sure is," the redhead mumbled, trying to copy her friend's attitude. _

"_Hey, Sora…"_

_Said girl stopped at a red light, waiting amongst the crowd to cross the street. "What?"_

"_I've been thinking about this… maybe you should tell him." _

_Sora chewed her lip as she stared hard at the red man. "Tell him what?" She suddenly gaped, realizing. "Seriously?"_

"_Think about it! Maybe it'll give him some hope. And prove that the universe doesn't circle around him; he's not the first one to go through this crap."_

"_But… don't you th-" _

"_Sora. Tell him," Mimi interrupted confidently. Then, with a smile in her voice, "I know you've been dying to"_

Right now, Sora couldn't believe what a genius that girl was.

"Remember when you were so depressed over everyone "mistaking" you for being gay, and you thought I could never understand, and said 'Sora, if everyone in school thought that you and Mimi went home and had lesbian sex every day after school, wouldn't _you _freak out'?"

The blue eyed boy snickered, ducking his head. "Myeahmaybe," he mumbled, somewhat ashamed. "Sorry 'bout that"

"Yeah. Well… on Tuesdays and Thursdays I've got tennis practice. And then there's football practice every other Friday-"

By now he was staring at her, eyes beginning to widen.

"-and I help my mom out in the flower shop during weekends,"

A grin started to spread, bigger than she'd seen on him in a long time. It was one of his rare ones that actually made him resemble Taichi himself. She remembered those priceless moments where they'd both carried that grin on of their faces, just next each other. Sora had never laughed as much as she'd done at those times.

Infected, her serious face that she so bravely had started out with cracked into a smile. "-but other than that, when Mimi's not out shopping or getting manicures… we take every chance we get."

"Wholly _shit!_" he exclaimed, cracked up and fell back on the bed. The girl laughed along with him, relived over having it said to someone besides her mom, her cat and, well, Mimi.

Sora took in the picture of her friend finally laughing. She had missed that. Maybe they could soon sit and laugh about nonsense like they used to. For _weeks _she'd thought that would never happen again.

"But what about that buff, -what was his name? Haruhiko! The one you met on the train station." He grinned, and Sora laughed, shaking her head at the ridiculous story. "Just a cover."

Yamato raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Seriously? But you were blushing and everything!"

The one sitting up threw her arms out. "I was picturing Mimi naked –it's all about tactics!"

The boy chuckled, amused. Then gave her a questioning gaze as Sora turned serious, placing a hand on his knee –which was all she could reach_._ "Matt," she spoke up, locking her eyes with his. "It works."

She didn't know for how long the other teen stared at her, without looking away. Yamato usually didn't hold her gaze –or _anyone's_, for that matter- very long, and it was strange and a bit worrying to sit there and stare back, especially since she didn't know what he'd say when he finally spoke.

"But what about-"

"We help each other out. We're there for each other," the redhead encouraged, realizing that she finally had a chance to help. This time, he was really listening. "We know that at the end of the day, we'll still have one another. That's why we don't need to express anything during school. We're fine being just friends because that's part of it. Despite our differences, she _is _my best friend, and as long as I know that I can kiss her when one's looking, I don't have too care about it when we're in a crowd. I know I don't miss out on anything."

"But I can't rely on acting normal when he's there," the blond exclaimed, begging her to understand that it couldn't just be solved with pure willpower.

"So you'll work something out." Sora shrugged indifferently, but didn't lose the comforting smile. "Talk to him. You'll solve it together. But before anything else you better fucking apologize, you bastard!" she added heatedly, and he threw his hands up, nodding.

"I will," he sighed, lowering his gaze.

"Now!" Sora demanded, not seeing what he was waiting for.

The one lying down blinked, as if that idea had never crossed his mind. Then he blinked again. "I'm grounded."

Her eyebrows raised. "Grounded? Why?"

Yamato shrugged hesitatingly. "Not sure."

She stared at him in disbelief. Then shook her head, rubbing her eyes. Sometimes he looked just as stupid as the brunet.

"Well… Taichi'll just have to come here then!" the girl concluded, gesturing to the space around her that was Yamato's room.

The blond male suddenly looked terrified. "Nah, I don't think that's a good idea…"

"Yamato," she warned, crossing her arms.

The musician sighed, looking up at his ceiling. Just as she was about to give him seven good arguments, he sighed again. "Okay."

Sora lit up, smiling. "Really?"

He returned the smile weakly. "Really, really."

Her smile almost reached her ears this time. "Oh, Matt! It's all gonna be fine, you know that right? Just make sure to give him what he deserves because he'll never realize if you don't."

Yamato looked a little put off by the order, suddenly discovering a whole _new _issue. But he ignored that and nodded, deciding to for once take her advice. This person obviously knew what she was talking about.

"Hey, um, I'm sorry I slapped you," she suddenly mumbled, briefly looking away.

He merely smirked. "No you're not."

Frowning in confusion and annoyance, she retorted "I just said I was!"

"But you're not. And even if you are, don't be. I'm glad someone finally did."

Sora grinned, giving in. "You're not the only one."

Yamato sat up, gently pulling her into a hug that she hesitatingly returned. "Thank you Sora. For everything"

The redhead smiled, noting a bit surprised that it actually felt a whole lot better than a 'you're right'.

* * *

**-**

**-**

**Hm…**

**Nope, I think I'll throw in another chapter after all X) just felt like scaring the crap out of you :P**

**The ending is in my head, and hopefully it won't be too difficult to put into words... let's cross our fingers...**

**Now, your opinions please. **

**:D**


	13. Chapter 13

**So,**

**Am I the only one hyperventilating? :D**

**Sorry I took so long, but... yeah, the usual excuse. Well, here it is! **

**(To those of you who read that tiny "chapter"-note thing before: don't scroll down trying to find where you stopped reading, just reread it, please? It's really supposed to be posted in one piece anyway, so just forget that cut ever existed and enjoy this last chapter.**)

* * *

Chapter 13 (the absolute _final_ chapter)

Taichi looked up at the sound piercing through the apartment, and threw the other ones a glance. His mother was completely devoured by her book lying in her lap, his dad sat half asleep in front of the TV, and his little sister was sitting on the floor, painting her toenails. He rolled his eyes. "I guess I'll get it?"

The females grunted in response, not taking their eyes off of their respective activity. The brunet pulled himself up from the couch, attacking the phone. "Yagami's residence, prettiest Yagami speaking" he chirped, snickering as his mom and sister made faces, identically shaking their heads at him.

His smile quickly faded and he froze for a second, before escaping into his bedroom, hiding from his unobservant audience. Closing the door as quietly as he could behind him, he stood motionless, waiting to catch every word that might be spoken. For the moment, all coming from the other end was silence.

He fixed his gaze on the curtain, not even moving it to lose his focus. His eyes widened slightly as something was finally said, brain frantically trying to analyse and decide the most appropriate action. It was the usual cold and demanding tone, which in a way comforted him. Nothing was out of order; except for the fact that Yamato had actually _called_ him. That hadn't happened in _weeks_, five or maybe even six…

"-over phone, come over when you can, it's important."

Taichi banged his head back against the door, barely resisting the urge of growling. Why the hell did he have to be thinking when this required his full attention! The football player forced himself to drop it, trying to decide on how to respond based on the half sentence that he'd caught. The voice sounded split, as if not able to agree on one thing –there were hesitation, desperation and then the predominant annoyance and sternness. Something told him that the order still expected an answer. Or at least affirmative. Now, the actual words: he should come over and it was important.

"Hai," he finally managed, half aware of how uncharacteristic he now sounded, especially compared to earlier. Momentarily wincing at his stupid choice of greeting, the brown-eyed boy succeeded on missing yet another few words.

"-as you can. Um, bye"

Click.

This time, he_ did _growl.

* * *

Staring at his hand that was reached out, formed like a claw in this almost cramp-like state, the musician sighed and shook his head. _'Better get used to it.'_

Facing fears is supposed to cure you.

Yamato knew that there were probably a lot of exceptions; things just aren't that easy. But he decided to pretend that it was.

After a few seconds he frowned at his hand. "Christ sake, will you just grab the phone!"

Still shaking pathetically, the hand picked up the phone and dialled the number as fast as it could.

He almost fell off the chair when Taichi himself greeted with his usual loud and immature greeting.

"Yagami's residence, prettiest Yagami speaking!"

Typical.

Faintly happy that he didn't have to care about the brunet's behaviour anymore, Yamato was about to respond, surprised when he recognized the same cold and stern voice he'd used before. "Hi."

The tall teen could practically _hear_ Taichi's grin fall off his face.

A door slam could be heard, and knew that the other teen was listening. Probably holding his breath as well.

"I need to talk to you, but not over phone. Come over when you can, it's important"

Yamato grimaced, not believing what he was ordering him to do._ This will never work._

There was a silence, and he almost started to expect the football player telling him to fuck off, when he heard a small "hai", confirming his invite.

What the _hell_ had he turned him into?

A hand came up to rub his eyes, and he decided to get this over with. Aha-moments could wait until later. "Come as soon as you can. Um, bye"

Putting down the phone, Yamato stared at the wall in front of him.

It was highlighted with yellow sunlight that sealed through the window at the right. The last beams that were still hanging on to the wall would in just a minute slip and let the shadows take over. The dully green wall in front of him was only enlightened before noon; after that the light would slowly be dragged away like long fingers until they vanished. He was standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. It was afternoon; a few hours after Sora's visit. Ten minutes ago his dad had called, apparently on his way home, it had seemed. The teen had only uttered an 'oh' and suddenly Hiroaki had gotten other things to take care of, probably not returning until evening.

Yamato had a feeling it wasn't just a favour to him; his dad had probably gotten more involved in his son's mental state than he was willing to handle. He needed some time off.

The conversation had forced the blond to take the small initiative of walking into the kitchen. There he had stared at the phone, first zoning out, before abruptly forcing himself to think about things that were still such a paradox in his mind. The risk –no, the _fact_- that this was a permanent thing that needed to be part of his life. A part of him. A part of the different adjectives people would use when describing him.

Also, Taichi.

What should he say to him? Better yet –what was there to say? What was there to get out, to admit, to explain and inform him of? The question wasn't any longer what he could tell him, it was what there was to tell. Because Taichi should know everything. And Yamato needed to finally find out what everything was.

That, he needed to do in seven minutes.

His eyes widened when the clock came into his view. _"Shit"_

---------

_Don't screw this up…_

So many different options were running through his head; walking, taking the bike, the bus, running, taking the shortcut or the other way, stairs or elevator, knocking or ringing the doorbell.

Every choice was made after careful pondering, mind going through complicated nets of illogic. In the end the brunet knew that he could only hope for the best, but he didn't want to look back and regret not thinking carefully before making a decision. That had happened way too many times.

_Knocking is the best choice, cuz then I can decide the sound of it while ringing the doorbell will make that horrible noise no matter how softly I press the button, and it also makes the visit official which it shouldn't be because it's not the right time and place, doesn't follow the rules, it's an exception that no one can know about, thus this isn't actually happening, and if this is not happening, the doorbell won't function since that's part of reality, but my finger on the other hand I can control cuz it's a part of me who isn't a part of reality; I'm part of the exception. So knocking. Two times, not three; only visitors do that, which I'm not. And by the third knock he'd have the time to get irritated. _

Feeling absurdly confident, Taichi finally reached his hand out and knocked twice.

His confidence instantly ran off again when the sound reached his ears.

It felt surreal to think that he had made that noise. Even though he'd been ordered to come over, knocking on this door felt insane.

"Come in"

The voice coming from inside the apartment was muted, and hardly raised, as if he thought that Taichi had turned into a bat all of a sudden. Well, he _did _catch it...

Opening the door felt just as insane. He wasn't comfortable with being forced to be this active. His role in the agreement had been so extremely passive that doing anything felt dangerous.

Taichi knew how strong Yamato was; they had wrestled once over something neither could remember. It was safe to say that he could deck the blond whenever he'd feel like it. The athlete wasn't _much_ stronger, but stronger nonetheless.

Still, Taichi would easily admit that Yamato could scare the life out of him when he was in that mood. Not that this was really about fear. It was rather a challenge. A challenge he was afraid of losing.

The dark-skinned teen opened the door, immediately hearing noises from the TV. Either it was the news or some documentary. It had that boringly serious voice, completely lacking melody that always reminded him of history class. Other than that, the apartment was very quiet and still, which it often was. Only two people lived here, and both were the quiet kind.

Yamato was sitting in the couch, looking bored. The 1,85 meter* teenage body was stretched out across the furniture in an almost bragging way; arms thrown over the backrest and legs fully stretched out over the floor. He didn't look up when Taichi entered the living room, pondering over whether he should have his hands in his pockets or not. Thanks to the lack of acknowledgement, direction or explanation, the brunet remained where he stood, growing more unsure by each second. Finally, the blond used his ability to speak.

"You can sit down if you like."

"Thanks"

He sounded more grateful than he intended to. But that couldn't be helped. The football player sat down on the couch, the same one they had sat in when Yamato had kissed him. It was the only furniture of the Ishida's that was decently cosy. Everything else was stylish and dead, Taichi thought. It was green and deep, allowing you to pull your legs up without falling off. And to pin down your best friend and force him to let go. That must've been their last casual time together outside of school.

Maybe it was the sunlight in the room, the low mumble from the TV, the bored and kind of lazy energy around Yamato, or just this different way of meeting that made him relax slightly.

"What are you watching?"

The other teen shifted slowly. "No idea."

The brunet stole a glance, discovering the indifference in the other's face. Kind of like the one he'd wear in class, or when hanging out after school, when he was tired. It was a good indifference. A complete contrast to his behaviour when they were in Yamato's bedroom. In there, everything was about time. Time and need. Almost like an emergency.

Taichi revelled in the calm atmosphere for a few seconds, before remembering why he had been asked to come here. Talk.

Not until now had he given that word a second thought. Now that he did, he seriously wondered if that really was what the boy next to him had said.

It was also important. Maybe Yamato was expecting him to say something? Maybe there'd been a secret code in their phone conversation that he had managed to miss.

Taichi started to get more and more confused, struggling between predictability and random. Even though he had found many patterns in Yamato's acting, there'd also been a few unpredictable twists. According to earlier experiences, he knew that Yamato had always made sure to get what he wanted. Like that time when Taichi misunderstood his comment about him waiting for the blond after school. When he had been ready to go home, Yamato had turned around and ordered him to follow after all.

In the end, he didn't allow Taichi's acting decide the consequences.

The brunet shifted, slightly awkward by the silence. _Why isn't he saying anything?_

Oddly enough his hand didn't react like the rest of his body. When the musician's lean fingers slid over the back of his hand and hooked their tips around the side, the brown-eyed boy didn't wince.

Maybe it was because of his currently paranoid condition, but having another guy doing this felt strange. He was used to small hands like his little sister, or cousins, or the long feminine hand of his mother, the huge solid hand of his dad and other men that weren't afraid of grabbing when ordering or greeting. Other male teenage hands had somehow managed to avoid him. Thinking back on their times together, he had never been very aware of Yamato's hands. Maybe the blue-eyed boy hadn't touched him that much or maybe he just hadn't noticed. Here, feeling the musician's hand moving in an rather affectionate way over the back of his, Taichi's nerve system seemed to go mad. It was a rushing, on the verge of painful sensation. Despite of how tedious and modest this action was next to everything else they had done, Taichi had never been this surprised.

He briefly noted that this must be something like Yamato felt before when Taichi would make a move on _him_.

The following silence was even tenser than before.

Deciding that he had been dilly long enough, the dark-skinned teen pushed himself into speaking.

"Um… you're holding my hand"

_Alright Taichi! Stating the obvious is always impressive._

"I am" Yamato affirmed nonchalantly.

Great, now he had to say something more if he wanted answers…

"Why?"

Yamato merely shrugged. "Felt like it"

"Right. Um…" Taichi glanced down at their linked hands. "you're still doing it."

Yamato's eyebrows jerked slightly upwards, seemingly amused by the other's intelligent annotations. "Yeah, so?"

The football player opened his mouth, but closed it again. He didn't know how many answers he could demand.

Yamato suddenly went up and turned off the TV. Now that Taichi could take a closer look, the blond didn't seem that calm at all. He did look warmer than "usual" (usual being the way Yamato had been acting lately, in other words –weird). That could just be the light though. It really was a beautiful light this day. The brunet wished he were out running or playing football.

Yamato retook his seat next to him in the couch, half facing him. He seemed to collect his thoughts a little before turning towards him, looking straight into his eyes, leaving Taichi to wonder if he should look back or not. Automatically he did, which actually didn't seem to be a problem.

"Okay. First of all, forget the rules. You can look at me, talk, hit me, whatever."

The sentence left his mind blank. That was like saying right is wrong and up is down. All of this was based on the rules. And Taichi had learnt, he did almost _everything _right!

"I'm going to explain the best I can. It might be confusing but I'll try to make sure that you understand." The pale teen quietened, silently pondering. Then he looked up again. "Basically, I've tried to keep myself unbothered. I… wait, we'll do it like this. What rules have I given you? We'll take one at the time"

Taichi blinked, looking at him in disbelief. He felt sort of offended, being expected to just break the whole system. All this effort and now Yamato would just call it off?

Said person was looking at him expectantly, so he cleared his throat, grabbing one rule from the top of his head, ironically saying it out loud. "Speaking"

"Right! I didn't want you to speak, or make any sounds at all, because your voice is, um… it makes me dizzy. And distracted."

Taichi nodded, with no clue of what the musician was talking about. He jerked slightly when Yamato jumped out of the couch, running into the kitchen. Blankly staring after him, he mentally concluded that the guy had reached a whole new level of insanity.

Yamato returned seconds later, now carrying a paper and a pen.

"So," he panted lightly as he slumped down into the couch again, "there's speaking, and that includes noises as well, like for example that time when you groaned-"

"It was an accident!" Taichi blurted out, not realizing it before he had. Strangely enough, the blond didn't ignore it; he looked up from the paper, almost welcoming something more from him.

Out of all the puzzling twists and turns, Taichi had never been this confused. This must be a trap.

Yamato nodded, still holding his gaze. "I know. You didn't mean to, and I didn't listen when you wanted to explain."

Taichi narrowed his eyes. It seemed as though he _wanted_ him to say it. _Then_ what would he do?

What would happen if he actually complained? That wasn't even a rule –it didn't _exist._

Eventually the other teen looked away, fumbling with the paper. "Anything else?" he spoke up, looking at him again. Taichi instinctively dropped his gaze. Pointing out, mouthing the rules didn't feel right. It hadn't exactly been agreed, and what if they had completely different views on it?

"Eye-contact" he muttered, still not looking up. Despite the musician's otherwise cold way of treating him, he felt deceived right now. Yamato had never turned around and treated him nicely; it had always strived towards sterner and colder. This felt like cheat.

"Right." Yamato wrote the word down. "What else?"

He wanted to protest, this had nothing to do with the original deal. But protesting didn't exist either. "Telling anyone"

The blue-eyed boy nodded, taking notes. "What else"

"Kissing" He couldn't believe that he was forced to say this. He didn't want to.

"Yeah" the blonde's voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. "Anything else? Just basically showing affection or doing something unpredictable, right?" Yamato suddenly shook his head and screwed the paper up, throwing it away with a frustrated sigh.

"Taichi, there's so much to say and explain and I just don't know where to start or how to put it because it's so damn complicated and illogic… All these rules, they've got something in common. Yeah, they make me irritated, I guess you've figured that, but the reason for my irritation is that I _want_ it. And it makes me feel like I lose control over myself. I mean it's not only that I feel good and feel ashamed about that okay, I'm over the gay-thing, but-"

Taichi interrupted with a laugh, which was followed with a hilariously guilty face as he realised what he'd done. "I didn't mean to-"

Yamato merely shrugged, unsuccessfully hiding a snicker. "I get it. You knew before me, you tried to make me understand, right? And now I sound like I've discovered the secret of the universe."

"No, I just don't think you're over it," Taichi said, then embarrassingly looking away. He was starting to lose more and more self-discipline.

The blue-eyed male took in the comment and tilted his head, half agreeing. "Well relatively. I mean we have sex and I've made it clear that I want it. I enjoy it. That's the gay thing. But see that's not all. I mean it's one thing admitting that you want sexual release, that's human! But it's so intense… and not because it's very good-" the singer promptly quieted, regretting those words. "I mean… it's just mechanic, which on the other hand is how I like it because… jeez, this is so hard to explain..."

He rested his forehead in his palms, sighing.

Silence followed, and Taichi distractingly glanced out the window.

"It's personal. All these rules, right," the pale teen leaned forward, suddenly back on track, "it doesn't seem like such big deal right? I mean just speaking or eye contact -why should that freak me out? See, those natural things make me feel a whole lot more than I think I should. It's like meeting a celebrity; everything becomes gigantic. I feel more when you look at me, than when you're fucking me. Because it's _you_. I don't know, maybe that doesn't sound so strange but I guess that basically, this whole thing is more emotional than I thought it was, and than I'm ready to accept."

Rather than the actual meaning of his words, Taichi tried to read the tone in Yamato's voice, the energy he radiated, the emotions in his face and body language.

"I'm not talking about morals," the tall male added. His gaze dropped and pain crossed his face as he tried to continue. "I understand that what I've done is... crueller than anything I've ever done in my life. But what I've been so bothered about while doing it, is that I want all these things that I've found so idiotic before. And when I think about that, or when it accidentally happens, I also feel shit that I don't want to feel. It's so intense that I can't control it, and that freaks me out."

Yamato exhaled, sitting back and waiting for Taichi's blank face to respond.

It didn't.

"Do you... understand what I'm saying?"

Upon have having a question to answer, the brunet's gaze turned unsteady and he shifted, looking very unsure.

"Taichi it's alright if you don't, I'll try to explain it in another way."

The attempt at calming him only made the football player more uncomfortable. He didn't know how to take this strangely nice way Yamato was acting. It was like walking through a mine-felt that had suddenly grown pretty flowers. At least before there'd been ugly marks to go after.

When he had taken several seconds to hesitate, he decided that there was nothing else to do but guessing. Perhaps Yamato would accept failure. At least that couldn't be considered a threat.

"I don't understand." It wasn't a lie either.

As hoped, Yamato took the confession well. "Okay. I know I'm making this even harder because I want to be absolutely fair. I don't want to affect you and your decisions, I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to keep anything from you. You deserve at least all that, and yet it's not even possible. So... I'm just gonna do my best to explain."

Taichi nodded, after noticing that Yamato had paused in wait for a reaction.

Gesturing with his hands, he blinked a few times before speaking again. "What I need to explain is," he looked up, searching for a connection. "-why I have acted this way. Right?"

"Yes," the brunet uttered immediately, for once sure of what he was supposed to do.

"These different actions that I have forbidden make me feel things very intensely, which scares the crap out of me. With me so far?"

Taichi didn't answer, seemingly waiting for something else. Yamato blinked. "Um... for example, if you take a forbidden action, like kissing me, I feel these very intense things and I want the action to stop," he explained, trying to be more concrete.

Suddenly feeling a slight ache in his insides, Taichi looked away.

The blond noticed the change of emotions the other's eyes before they averted from his, and boldly turned his face back by the jaw. "Look-" he spoke up, gaze wandering, "I'm not going to keep myself calm, but I guess I can't help that -stopping it obviously fucks everything up anyway." He stared at the brunet's jaw that was cupped by his fingers. He was already slipping. Before he fell, Yamato decided to jump.

"I like you"

Taichi blinked. Yamato blinked back.

Alright so maybe the ground wasn't that far down.

Realising that he hadn't been killed, the musician hurried to get the message through. "Don't get me wrong here though; I haven't created all this drama just because I get some bubbly feelings when I look at you alright –it's that I never know what will happen next, every little thing is so overwhelming, I feel almost trapped in this body that could just explode any second! I mean in my mind you're my best friend and just this fucking awesome person who should be appreciated for that, but this weird-ass nerve system of mine shits itself whenever you do anything to me whether it's talking or smiling or just being around. It's like The Exorcism you know? Feel!"

He grabbed Taichi's hand and pressed it against his chest where his heart was pounding. The athlete stared at his hand, pressed against the blonde's green t-shirt. It was beating as if his friend had just run a marathon.

Yamato's hands lingered as his mind drifted, almost hypnotised by his own heartbeats that seemed to become louder and louder.

He gazed up at the other boy, struck by how much he had changed. His eyes, that always had that annoying glint or at least undertone of something that made Yamato sweat drop -whether it was another crazy idea, or the warning of just what would come out of his mouth next- were right now merely surprised. The tanned boy had always been so present, often a lot quicker than the musician was. Whenever the teacher said something in class that was possible to misread, the moment Yamato turned his head to catch his friend's eye he would find that the brunet was already grinning. Taichi always caught on and responded. There was always a connection.

Abruptly letting go of his hand, Yamato sat back a little, picking at the folds in his black pants that covered his legs. "Whether you understand that or not, there's something else that can't wait much longer either, and that's my apology. Please accept it, you have to trust me on that I'm sorry for what I've done. For pushing you away, and for not telling you everything, and for always blaming you, for using you and lying to you and making you feel responsible for everything, for belittling you and hurting you like I have. You deserve it the very least, and there's no excuse for why I've done this to you." the blue-eyed boy finally looked up. "Just trust me that I'm sorry for it."

The guilt in his eyes left Taichi with no choice. The second Yamato quietened he parted his lips to respond. "I for-"

"No!" Yamato covered the other male's mouth with shock written across his face. "Jesus, don't even… just…" he sighed and hung his head, not knowing how he was supposed to do this in order to cost the least damage. "Taichi, please just accept my apology."

The brunet frowned in confusion. He didn't even know _what_ Yamato apologised for, let alone why he couldn't forgive him. Okay, maybe he made some good points before, but the one really suffering was Yamato wasn't it? To simply have that damaged mind of his must be horrible.

Not even understanding the full meaning of Yamato's explanation and apology, Taichi ended up being the wise one nevertheless. "Yamato, forgiveness isn't a loss, alright? I don't get anything from knowing that you suffer. I appreciate that you regret all of this, though I think you exaggerate some of it, and I accept your apology."

Yamato nodded slowly, still looking pretty miserable. "It'll probably take some time to take in all of this. I'll answer every question you have, and take all the punches you want to throw," Yamato promised, looking hopeful which Taichi found completely bizarre. "And if you want to move on I don't blame you one bit. I mean it's kind of hard to just pick up where we left off."

He looked up at the brunet who seemed confused but tried to hide it. His gaze flicked when Yamato eyes lingered on him.

Taichi wasn't sure of what the blond meant, and he wasn't sure of what he should say, or where he should look. Finally, Yamato added, "continue as friends, that is."

"Oh."

"Or more," the tall teen mumbled as an afterthought, looking away as Taichi's gaze returned to his.

"I don't understand."

Yamato looked up, a bit surprised. "I told you that I like you, didn't I?"

Taichi's eyebrows furrowed immediately, and he hesitated just a second before replying, "I got the impression that what you feel is negative and you want to avoid it."

The brunet didn't look directly into eyes, but at least he was arguing. Yamato found himself staring in amazement before realising that he should answer. "Well there's a third part in this that I didn't plan on telling you, because you probably haven't fully grasped this yet and I don't want to affect your decisions." Yamato paused, rolling his eyes when his own nagging words reached his ears. "But who am I kidding right, there's no use holding back all the time, and I think I owe you this."

The singer's gaze lingered on his hands in his lap as he thought of how to continue, trying to block out the fear of sounding like a total hypocrite. "I really care about you, Taichi. I haven't regretted our friendship for one second, I treasure it now more than ever. No matter how angry I get, I always realise that you're right in the end, or at least had the right intention. You've been there for me throughout this, and even now when I've betrayed and hurt you like I have, I still have faith in that you somehow won't hold it against me. I'm happy around you, and avoiding you only makes me worse. I want you to be here, and if you're not then I want you to be happy, which I know you will because you always manage that somehow."

The blond forced himself to glance up, and the quick smile that he got made his heart jump before he realised that it was a polite one. He had confused the small, controlled motion with some sort of a coy smile, which would prove that the brunet took in his words and believed him.

Sighing, he rubbed his eyes and decided that he couldn't stop yet. "You're incredible. Before I thought you were just stupid and naïve, but I realised that you control the way you see everything, the way you choose to react to life. I always think that I protect myself when I assume the worst about everything, but I don't. And… making you act the way _I_ do, is… I can't believe I've done that. Tai, this isn't empty words, and I won't pull them away from you, so… please, forget this sick game and… have... faith in me," he muttered, not even able to say it with conviction. _'God, I'm so fucking pathetic…'_

The brunet sighed lightly. "Yamato, I'm sorry but I'm not sure what you want from me"

It was true. Taichi had accepted that the blonde's eyes were no longer grounded; they were open and desperate. The façade had been dropped, and he simply needed something from him. But what? Taichi had given forgiveness, he had listened to the explanation, and this ranting about the blonde's claimed affection. Yamato was asking him to forget the rules, and the game. Looking at the blond, brown-eyed male could see that he was still very unstable, thus he couldn't say or act whatever.

Passive behaviour seemed most suitable.

Taichi kept on nodding and smiling carefully as Yamato kept ranting. The loving and seemingly sincere words were shallowly received, but put aside before he could actually apprehend the meaning of them. His focus lay more on his own facial expression and body language, which became more and more necessary to be delicate, the closer Yamato got to the edge of breaking down.

It was when the musician suddenly decided to use physical ways of expression that Taichi's filter started to collapse.

-o-o-

Beyond tired of Taichi's small smiles and patient expression, Yamato reached his hand out, hearing the scared pessimist in him scream out in terror. He knew that his body would go ballistic. He knew it would screw everything up. That was the big rule he had followed since day one. Or at least tried to.

But at the same time, Yamato knew that he had to forget that rule; he had given it more than enough time to prove itself wrong.

Words seemed useless; saying that he cared about him and that the were no more rules when he still couldn't break them? No wonder Taichi wasn't impressed.

Yamato's fingers reached the brunet's face and brushed over his cheek. The contact made Taichi's empty eyes come alive as he stared intently into Yamato's, searching.

His hysterical heart and a creepy feeling of undertow in his gut startled the blond enough to withdraw again, the pessimist triumphantly screaming _I told you so!_

Noticing the other male quickly adverting his eyes made him painfully aware of what message he had given by pulling away like that. Yamato knew very well that his previous actions in their "agreement" had done the same; treating the brunet like he was something hideous with only one part on him that was useful.

Taking a deep breath, he angrily defied his nerves and brought his hand back, not very surprised when Taichi almost winced. The only thing stopping him was that stubborn self-discipline.

Yamato's palm formed against the side of the athlete's face, and to the musician's surprise, his world went quiet.

As if they were two children sitting on a huge emotional see-saw, Yamato's tension ran off him and, as their eyes locked, he noticed that Taichi helplessly received.

The taller teen barely dared to believe it as he felt a heart-lifting ease settle over him. Taichi stiffened, the former patience in his eyes nowhere to be seen. He was fighting, trying to keep the defence up, but it was already starting to seep in. Yamato could see it, and decided put in all he had.

"You affect me in ways I thought didn't exist. More than the emotions I've tried to explain earlier; it's not only a racing heart and shivers and stuttering. It's a feeling of content and… happiness, I suppose. And I mean that both as a friend and more than that. I didn't think you could see so much in just a regular human being, you know, as if you could just observe and study them forever. I want to be with you and I want to follow you for a while so that I can keep being in this… atmosphere around you." His thumb rubbed the tanned skin lightly, amazed by how smooth it was.

Glancing down at his lips, he could tell that Taichi had a hard time breathing regularly.

"You didn't just allow me to be your friend, you _fought _for it, and I'm finally realising what a privilege your friendship has been to me."

The brunet was still fighting, though obviously struggling with keeping Yamato's words out. But at least the polite smile was gone.

The musician decided to drop the general praising and get down to details. If he attacked one point more aggressively rather than the whole at once, maybe he'd break in. "Remember when I told you that girls would fall in love with you if they'd seen you at that moment?" he brought up, successfully distracting the brunet who automatically tried to recall that happening.

When recognition could be spotted in his eyes, the blue-eyed teen continued, "I understand why you got angry, but it was just a last-minute cover, I mean I was practically telling you that you're beautiful so I threw in girls just to keep on the safe side. Tai I really meant it, I still mean it. You're beautiful. Inside and out"

He almost laughed when he saw the incredulousness in Taichi's eyes, inaudibly screaming _will you give me a break!_

Yamato wouldn't. He brought another hand up to cup the other side of the brunet's face, smiling in content when the brunet's breath hitched. "And when I made that example of when you kiss me and how I want it to stop, what I meant was the strange reaction I partly get from it. Besides that, I only feel pleasure, you're a good kisser"

He smiled as Taichi closed his eyes, desperately trying to avoid Yamato's attacks. It wasn't easy, as the blonde's hands stroked along his jaw and neck. "You can kiss me as much as you like, wherever you want, and in your own way" the other boy added, voice starting to sink into a whisper. He leaned in until their foreheads touched.

"All those things that I told you to stop doing are what I like about you. When you look at me, when you touch me, when you talk to me, your voice, your smile, your crazy grin and your laughter, your hands, kissing you, touching you. I want all that, and I know I've avoided it but I'll stop hiding. I want this, I want you" Yamato smiled again as he watched Taichi's troubled face. There was so much emotion, and it felt wonderful to bring it out of him again, breaking his defence and empty happy-face by simply telling the truth.

"I want to be your friend again, and I want to go out with you"

Taichi's eyes snapped open and he stared at him, as if that last bit had nothing to do with anything.

"What?"

Yamato grinned stubbornly, ignoring the brunet's frown. "I want to try, if you're up for it. We could work something out, compromise. I'll try to get a grip over this obsession, and get used to being around you in a normal way. And at home we can… date, or whatever"

Noticing that the brown-eyed teen was about to question his statement, Yamato quickly pushed the other's shoulders away until he tipped backwards, landing on his back. He swallowed the hint of discourage he'd gotten from Taichi's disbelief, even though it was anything but blameable, and leaned over the form of his past best friend, settling his arms at each side of his head and running his fingers into the thick hair.

To his great relief he could see a flash of longing in the brown orbs before him. "I won't be proud, Tai. I'll fight this time."

His eyes wandered over the other teen's face. "You're more than worth it."

Then the boy on top leaned down and captured the other boy's lips, making him inhale sharply.

Yamato sighed inwardly as he felt the muscles underneath him flex, and it took more than a little self-control to keep his lower body still. He would take his time.

The kiss lingered for quite a while, alluring soft moans from the brunet. Yamato gripped his hair and deepened the kiss, sighing in pleasure as Taichi let him in. Starting to feel slightly dizzy, he carefully pulled back, happy to see two lust-filled eyes peer back up at him.

"Tai, you're amazing"

He looked defenceless now, left completely helpless to Yamato's devotion. Knowing that he had full access to the other's heart, the musician decided to set some things straight. He held the other's gaze firmly. "Nothing you have done is wrong. I don't care if you say weird things, or insult me at times, it doesn't change how I feel about you. You don't have to obey me, or change yourself to make me happy. What I did before was completely retarded, okay?"

"No." Taichi shook his head, as though Yamato had become Sora and tried to trash the agreement. "It makes sense, because you just wanted to be free from all the complications; you just asked for sex and nothing more."

"But I didn't," the blue-eyed boy argued. "I wanted you, and I tried to have you at same time as I tried to distance myself from you. I treated you like you're worth nothing, when you're really the one who matters to me. The one I care about. What I did is wrong, and it's not your fault." He leaned down and kissed him again, hindering any further protests. He moved on to his jaw, savouring the taste and feeling of the brunet's skin against his lips, hypnotized by the brunet's sighs. "You're not worthless, Taichi. I haven't rejected you all this time because there's something wrong with you, I've just been an idiot." He closed his eyes when he felt two pair of hands place themselves on his back, hesitant but hopeful.

For the first time in too long, Taichi gave in to the thought that Yamato actually might be his friend again, and more. For real this time.

The taller one's lips continued to his ear, sending hot breath over the skin. "You're so hot, I don't even know what to say anymore. I want to show you. I have to, I can't keep stopping myself all the time. Make love to me, Taichi"

Said boy's moan was rapidly interrupted. The second after, a noise that hadn't taken place in a scandalously long time, made its way through Taichi's mouth.

The full-blown laughter made Yamato jerk from his position at the brunet's ear (thus having his own ear right next to the other's mouth).

"_Dude!"_

The football player kept laughing for at least half a minute, allowing Yamato the time to go through several stages like worry, amazement, happiness, awkwardness, and more worry.

"Dude…" he finally repeated, as though he was trying to get a very important point across. "That was the fucking cheesiest thing I've ever heard!"

Yamato blinked in confusion, not really getting what he was referring to seeing as he had spent the last minutes saying a _lot_ of things that could be found as cheesy. But the cheesiest thing ever? What could he possibly have said to deserve that accusation?

"What? What did I say?"

Still grinning uncontrollably, Taichi duplicated to refresh his memory. _"''Make love to me, Taichi'?'"_ he repeated, receiving even more amusement when Yamato's mouth dropped open in shock.

"_I said that?"_

Taichi laughed again, shaking his head. "Aw, man… that's _priceless_."

Yamato's face, momentarily frozen in shock, broke into a painful one as he groaned. "You're never gonna let me forget that, are you?" he muttered, feeling his face turn red.

"Nope"

The musician sighed. After a while he pulled back to face the brunet again. "Done?"

What he got was a snicker, followed by quick 'sorry' as Taichi once again fell back into his roll.

Yamato shook his head. "You're supposed to say 'never' and keep laughing at me, stupid."

Taichi smiled, for once on the blonde's humour level, where he had always been before.

"Alright, so I got a little carried away," Yamato chuckled admittedly, trying to fight off the embarrassment. "I did make a good point though; I told you my vocabulary was getting empty."

Taichi snorted, but couldn't keep the mocking smile as the taller one leaned down and kissed him again.

When the blond minutes later pulled away, he was happy to see that he wasn't the only one blushing. Ready and at the same time not ready to move on, he gulped as he glanced down over the body under him.

It would be a slight exaggeration to call it the first time. However, Yamato was for the first time indeed faced with a number of things that he would, well could rather... hell, _wanted _to do. He was going to be a part of it, not just the dead fish he'd been the other times, or the one pulling Taichi's strings like a marionette doll. He would give and take, allow himself to do things he had hardly dared to think of before.

Just like in Mimi's theory, it _was_ easier to simply let (or force) the brunet to do things to _him_. He didn't feel as responsible, it was an excellent defence; earlier when he didn't want to face the truth, the musician could actually kid himself with that Taichi had the upper hand simply because he did all the work.

Yamato knew that what he was thinking about doing would also open the door for all the weird impulses, and he wasn't even sure of what they would be. Yet, that was bound to happen anyway, unless he avoided Taichi (and perhaps men in general) for the rest of his _life_.

And that was out of the question. He would just have to deal with the unavoidable reality-

"I'm going to act weird."

For once the brunet seemed to take in Yamato's words. He chewed his lip thoughtfully as he puzzled taller one's stated "obsession". He hadn't noticed it before, part from behaviours that he had simply taken as paranoia and embarrassment. These intense emotions that Yamato couldn't control was definitely a greater form of said things, a lot worse than Taichi had realised. Then again, he had chosen not to analyse Yamato's psyche.

"I think stress has got a lot to do with it" he finally spoke up in all honesty.

The blond considered his suggestion, not particularly surprised by it. Stress had been a reappearing factor to most of his actions. If the brown-eyed teen was _right_, Yamato didn't know. Nor was he going to decide that right now.

"Whatever it is, I'm not going to allow it to stop me anymore. That doesn't work."

"You're a fast learner, Matt," Taichi commented, smiling innocently.

The unexpected tease caught Yamato slightly off guard, and he crooked a smile before recalling that the brunet had used his nickname instead of 'Yamato', which he had actually been using for quite a while now. Back when they were close friends, the football player had merely used his whole name when he was extremely pissed, or just for the effect when he was goofing around.

Lately, _Matt_ hadn't existed since…

'"_Maaaaaaaatt! Pleeeeeeease let me in… if you let me in I promise I'll fuck you"'_

Looking at the blond, Taichi knew he had messed up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound so condescending-"

"It's not that." Yamato stared at the other's t-shirt, lost in thought. Hearing his nickname felt good, both in a heart-wrenching way as well as a dangerously arousing way.

"You used my nick-name." Memories of an incredibly distant time when Taichi called him Matt, when everything was normal and they just enjoyed their friendship that the brunet had created for them, ran through his mind parallelly to memories of the athlete whispering his name, reminding him of why these "sins" were so damn tempting. Actually, that last bit had been a fantasy…

"Crap. I'm sorry, I won't-"

Yamato's eyes returned to his. "I'm not angry, I just froze. See? That reminded me of sleeping with you, and so my body decided that I should become paralysed," he explained as a rehearsed line, half aware of how stupid it sounded.

Taichi looked alarmed. "Dude, if _that's_ your reaction to all the hot things I do then we have a problem, cuz you kinda look like you want to kill me"

The blue-eyed boy blinked in surprise, not before having realised that. "Oh."

An awkward silence followed.

Yamato closed his eyes briefly, pulling himself together. "Look, _this_ is what I've been avoiding, and honestly I don't really blame myself at the moment. But I have to face it, and hopefully it'll get better. Only thing I'm wondering now is what _you_ want."

When the other simply shrugged his shoulders, avoiding his gaze, Yamato sighed in frustration.

"Fine. But if you ever decide, tell me. It's not too late, alright. Even if you say yes now."

Taichi nodded. The blond sat up, studying the other's torso. It was covered by that shock-yellow t-shirt that had the text 'bad-ass' printed on it. Both Sora and Yamato had stared at said garment in horror for at least five minutes the first time Taichi had walked up to them after he'd got it. Their reaction was everything the brunet had hoped for when buying it in the first place.

Ignoring the awkward clothing, Yamato looked up at the owner, trying to look confident. Or at least not like he wanted to kill him…

"I'm going to touch you now."

Taichi grinned. "Is that a warning?"

Smiling half-heartedly at the joke, Yamato focused on relaxing and allowing himself to do what felt right. His hands brushed the waistline of the brunet's jeans, and he hesitated for a few seconds before running his fingers under the fabric of the yellow t-shirt. He had imagined doing this; running his hands over his friend's chest when he was asleep and not able to judge or confront him.

Secretly.

Even though everything had already been confessed, Yamato felt his face heat up doing this right under Taichi's gaze.

The fabric started folding against his angled wrists, after a while enough so to be pulled up over the other boy's abs.

Yamato paused, gulping. Taichi's skin was burning against his palms, and even though that t-shirt was awful… _'damn, it makes is abs look good.'_

He took a deep breath and lifted his gaze, finding that the tanned teen looked pretty hot and bothered.

Once again had the musician's touch made Taichi's defence break, and the see-saw effect kicked in. Yamato went up, and Taichi went down.

Encouraged, the tall teen moved his hands up over the other's chest, folding the hem of the t-shirt a few times and leaving it there. Not letting the brunet relax (in fear of regaining his own nervousness), the blond moved his fingertips all the way down his torso, making him arch like a cat being stroked along its spine.

Other than a growing libido, Yamato felt calm and stable, for once aloud to enjoy the passion rushing through him.

Grinning like a Cheshire cat, he continued to simple but oh so pleasant action of running his hands up and down Taichi's chest, "accidentally" brushing over nipples every now and then, as he watched the athlete become more and more out of breath.

Yamato's hands had never been as distinct to Taichi as they were now.

Reaching his belt, he carefully looked up at the other teen again, trying to block out the slight discomfort he got from seeing the tortured pleasure in his face.

_He likes it, Matt._

It seemed almost like before, when Yamato had ordered the brunet to satisfy him. This was probably how it would've looked if Yamato had been top.

_This is for real, he knows that you care about him._

He just couldn't help feeling like he was using him.

Then Taichi opened his eyes and found his. "I recognize that face"

The other felt himself tense up. "What face?"

"Shame," Taichi sighed, looking a bit woeful. "It keeps coming back." He studied Yamato, frowning in thought.

Actively learning from his mistakes, Yamato immediately admitted what he was thinking, "It's just that I'm finally sure and out with what I want and how I feel. But I don't know what you…" he trailed off, noticing that the football player's gaze had dropped.

The pale hands that were loosely gripping the brunet's belt started to fumble as Yamato read the dark eyes that were watching. The paralyzation in Taichi's gaze was the only thing keeping the blond from loosing the ounce of composure he had left.

He let his fingertips ghost the skin just above the waist of Taichi jeans and said boy shuddered almost invisibly.

Though not exactly needing an affirmation, he mumbled, "Do you want me to?"

For a moment the brunet didn't move. Then after a small eternity he lifted his gaze to meet Yamato's, gently declaring him as an idiot with eyes that the most ignorant person would've seen the will in. As if that wasn't enough, he shifted slightly, hips rising against the musician's hands.

_And yet he can look so misplaced..._

Feeling pretty stupid, Yamato rushed to loose the belt, opening the jeans and baring the tanned boy a bit more by dragging denim and cotton halfway down his thighs. Knowing that any further pause would be damn near cruel by now, Yamato concentrated on the brunet's vulnerability (partly made up in his head to be raised higher on the see-saw) and brought his hands up again, closing them around unfamiliar skin and moving.

Taichi hissed slightly. "Your hands are cold"

The blond abstained from meeting his eyes or replying, not because he didn't feel secure but because he wanted to keep it that way. He closed his hand around the base of the athlete's arousal, hugging the shaft with his other and jerking with firm and slow strokes. His brief attempt at seeing the gesture objectively, failed miserably as he felt the entire body under him respond to the touch.

Accepting the complete inner meltdown, he continued stroking variously, more massaging than jerking.

His hands were balmy, smooth, that weird in-the-middle size but still overgrown, strong but strangely tentative, a bit scrawny but in a graceful way, broad, long fingers and rough fingertips.

Gorgeous.

Taichi took in all the different impressions, figuring that although he might've missed out on this knowledge before, at least that was fairly made up for right now.

Still refusing to meet the other's gaze, Yamato studied the activity, dancing on the edge of insanity as he intently admired the object in his hands, feeling sparks of freedom ignite somewhere inside him for so openly following his own nature. He extended the strokes and squeezed tighter around the shaft, his other hand wandering down to embrace the sack, pulling and fondling in time with his strokes.

Groans of pleasure were trapped in the athlete's throat, not aloud to come out. What held him back were the remains of worry, pointing at the apparently still existing risk of loosing everything, and that thought had never been as horrible to him as now; being presented to everything he suddenly could have.

Out of the corner of his eyes Yamato could see the brunet's body moving as though an itch were placed somewhere he couldn't reach. The sounds coming from him were a bit strangled and, as Yamato paid closer attention, the breathing was very irregular. Unable to ignore it, he glanced up and found Taichi gritting his teeth, somehow trying to control himself. The blond sighed at the other's stubbornness, knowing very well that he was forcing him to spell it out for him.

"Breathe, Tai" he directed with a voice that didn't sound like his own. "Let it out. I want you to"

Apparently not in need for anything more than that, the football player let out the breath he was holding and began panting. Finally allowed to, he let out fervent moans as the skilful hands continued on sending intense pleasure through his body.

Eye-contact wasn't exactly required anymore to get an idea of how the brunet was doing, and Yamato couldn't do anything but hope that he'd make it to the end without either fainting or suffering from a heart attack. He twisted and turned his wrists, using both hands which allowed him to stimulate almost every inch of the brown-eyed boy's pulsing length, alternating the strokes and continuously changing movement and pressure, leaving Taichi in a blur of indefinable stimulation that rushed him closer towards orgasm. Pre-cum made the musician's hands slippery, creating a squishing sound as his hands picked up speed.

The over-whelmingly generous pleasing made the brunet cry out as he came, breathless and still in bliss as the musician milked him dry, and squirming when gentle hands kept caressing his sensitive erection, innocently teasing. The sighs tuned out slowly, leaving a comfortable silence in the room.

Yamato moved back, swung his legs over the edge of the sofa and put his head between his knees.

Taichi observed him critically. "Do you feel sick?"

"No," the blond sighed. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Just thought I'd faint."

The dark-eyed teen continued to watch him silently, pondering. After a while he concluded that small breaks like this were probably more effective than force-accustoming him to this kind of intimacy. Hopefully Yamato could handle it easier with no stress, shame, or guilt involved, which had been the case... well, every time. Even now.

He pulled his jeans and underwear back in place, buttoning himself up and clearing his throat awkwardly when he caught what had been spilled onto his abdomen. "Be right back," he spoke up, swinging himself up from the couch and making his way over to the kitchen.

-

Tossing the paper into the trash, he straightened out his shirt and leaned against the sink. Yamato's hands came into his mind and he closed his eyes, smiling. He hadn't bothered that train of thought before; having the blue-eyed boy willingly touch him. At the most, Taichi had allowed his imagination contain himself doing things to _Yamato_, and getting a little bit more feedback than he did in reality.

This was a whole unexplored territory. A dozen different images filled his mind suddenly; new possibilities that made his nails dig into the sink as he felt his jeans tighten. The brunet opened his eyes, realising what he was doing and snorted in amusement, shaking his head. He had a feeling this would be a repeated hang-up in the future.

His smile grew into a broad grin as he remembered where he was. Sitting out there in the living room was Yamato, welcoming him to be his friend again and ready to go out with him as soon as he said yes. He was in the Ishida's apartment, not used at the moment and yet not thrown out. If he left, the blond would probably miss him. He could walk right in there and put his arms around him. Stare at him. Goof around with him. Touch his hair. Kiss him.

A fact suddenly came back to the dark-eyed boy that he hadn't thought of for a while. He was the only one that Yamato could picture himself being around when he didn't actually have to. Only _he _could see that rare smile and warm eyes, and hear him crack jokes that weren't sarcastic or full of irony. All that, and the new fact that he could now take part of a romantic side, a sexual side and different kind of intimate and personal side that no one else could.

He had the best of two worlds.

Taichi had to take a few seconds to jump around on kitchen floor, waving his arms in air like some kind of speeded hippie, jaws pressed together to keep the victory-shout from escaping, before walking back into the living room.

He looked awkward, the pale boy sitting in the green couch, but he didn't avoid the brunet's eyes.

The yellow clothed male must've been wearing that grin still, because Yamato suddenly let out a laugh before he could stop himself. It was stress, but Taichi appreciated it nonetheless. He hadn't heard the musician laugh in a long time.

Blue eyes lost focus as the other sat down next to him, and his fingers gripped the edge of the seat unconsciously. Not before now he noticed that the TV had been turned off, reflecting two awkward teens sitting beside each other. Actually, the one on the right didn't look very awkward. He looked happy.

Yamato smiled, bracing himself and turning his head towards the dark-skinned boy.

"So-" he interrupted himself as he felt and heard his own voice shake almost hysterically.

Shutting his eyes, the blond turned his face away from the athlete beside him. There was no limit to how much he despised this unstable feeling. It felt he could involuntarily scream, laugh, cry or simply suffocate if he tried doing anything.

A shocked noise escaped his throat when Taichi's arms determinedly imprisoned him, leaning back and bringing their bodies to lying position, glued together.

He hugged his waist tighter as painful, choked noises kept coming from the blond, who sounded like he was trying to fight his way out of his own skin. Racing heartbeats pounded through fabric and against the tanned boy's chest, letting him know just how panicked the pale boy's body had become in just seconds.

"Breathe," he hummed, not letting the other's desperation influence him. "No stress. No guilt. No shame. No audience. No rules. No rumours," he slowly counted, aimfuly holding the shaking body, waiting with an unflinching determination for his own heartbeats to eventually soothe the other.

"Everything is fine. I want this, you want this, we're all alone here, we can relax now. It's okay."

"I _hate_ this" Yamato hissed after a while, voice filled with so much frustration that Taichi almost joined him in it.

"It's not the slightest bit of weird that you feel this way, Yamato. This will fade in no time, and you'll feel stupid for ever believing that it wouldn't. You're stable, Matt. You're strong. Not a mental-case. This will pass." He stroked the musician's back slowly. "You have _just_ let go, you've given me so much in such a short time. You _have_ to react now, but soon you'll calm down again."

After twenty minutes of repeating comfort and silence, Yamato's heart-speed came down to linger just above Taichi's level, slower than it had been in hours. Finally limp, the blue-eyed teen -now completely exhausted- rested on top his friend. Their breaths mingled, adjusting to each other until they were completely synced.

"You know... the overdose of neurochemicals usually fades after about six months anyway," the brown-eyed teen beneath spoke up all of a sudden.

Puzzled, both over the fact that a foreign, but probably existing word had just come from his friend's lips, and over the fact that he had no clue what he was talking about, Yamato pulled back to face him. "The what?"

"The chemicals that gives you that kick in the beginning of relationships. The rush. They fade after a while, and then a soothing type of chemicals take over, and you start feeling content and safe instead of giggly and horny." Taichi smiled convincingly at Yamato's critical face.

Silence followed.

"Tai..." he started, raising an eyebrow. "Where the _hell_ did you get all that from?"

The brunet blinked, looking surprised over the blonde's scepticism. "My first chemistry-class. The teacher talked about love and passion to get our attention. Only thing I can seem to remember." He grinned, shrugging.

The musician smiled, lost in his eyes. "Content sounds good."

He sighed deeply, reminded of his own current state, and glared mildly at the other's shoulder. "Let's hope you're right then"

The addressed one chuckled, agreeing. "Yeah, this doesn't exactly suit us, does it? Acting like two jumpy strangers."

Yamato laughed, amazed by how alike they still saw things, despite the huge drama that had been tearing them apart for so long. His intended reply ended up as a kiss.

Smiling at the sigh that Taichi let out as he slowly pulled away, Yamato planted a new one on his cheek, intense and sensual despite its innocent placing. Next one was on his temple, lips gently pressing against the soft skin. He skipped to his eyebrow, then forehead, bridge, cheekbone, jaw, neck, ear.

"Matt," the brunet sighed, though not quite in the same fashion that Yamato wanted him to. It was actually leaning towards tiresomeness. "I thought we were supposed to chill?"

"Nope." He brought his hand up to the other side of his face, letting his lips ghost over the football player's ear. The hand hindered Taichi's head from moving as the blonde's tongue reached out to experiment.

Sounds that were thrillingly close to whimpers came out from the tanned boy's mouth, rousing him to move in closer, unhinderdly grinding his body against the brown-eyed boy's wiggling one. He chuckled into his ear as the assaulted kept gasping and whining lowly, slipping his tongue further in and moaning heatedly.

A vague sound from the front door made him jerk up, staring in horror over the backrest of the sofa, for a second expecting his father to stand there, frozen in shock. The image in his mind was so clear that he backed away from the football player, intently checking the entry.

Then his eyes returned to the other teen who had pulled himself up to a sitting position as well. The blond smiled a bit awkwardly, "Not to cause a dejavu here, but it would kind of suck if dad walked in on us. We could move over to-"

He jumped as a key was shoved into the lock, staring at the door in terror. Breaking the tension, Taichi chuckled, "Nice timing. Could've turned out pretty bad if you hadn't decided to give my ear a break-"

By now the door had opened, after a few seconds of struggling with the lock (the door had been unlocked from the start) and Mr Ishida appeared in the doorway, instantly catching the two boys sitting in the living room.

Taichi waved casually and Hiroaki responded with a slight nod, pulling his coat off and inspecting his son at the Yagami-kid's side. He continued over to the kitchen, seemingly unconcerned of the young males.

For the second time in his life Yamato reached out and grabbed his friend's hand, gaze firmly fixed towards the kitchen area, ignoring the brunet's alarmed stare. "Matt," he whispered, trying to get through. He leaned closer, not receiving any response. "Matt, you don't have to do this now"

Said boy shrugged, leaning back against the backrest. "I know. But why not?" he added, face turning towards his and eyes steadily gazing into Taichi's.

Hiroaki shortly reappeared, about to head for his office when his eyes fell on the two boys' linked hands. He stopped, face completely blank.

Yamato gripped the other's hand tighter, knowing very well that his friend wanted to run for his life. But he also knew that this was strictly between him and his father. Therefore he didn't feel _that_ mean for committing the brunet to this.

Hiroaki blinked a few times, eyes adverting from their hands as he abruptly headed for the exit, quickly leaving the apartment again.

Starting to feel like he was in a soap opera, Taichi carefully turned towards his blond companion, expecting a face of misery. Not... _amusement._

As if he could sense Taichi's surprise, Yamato chuckled, shaking his head. "He certainly didn't see _that_ coming"

At the familiar sight of the blonde's triumphant grin, Taichi rolled his eyes. _'Rebels...!'_

"Matt, you shouldn't turn this into a spite, okay? I know he's hard on you at times but-"

"Honestly," the musician interrupted, the grin now replaced by a calm smile. "I always thought he wanted me to be perfect. And I think he thought so too," he looked over at the dark questioning eyes. "When I acted that composed and cold way before, I thought I was only doing him a favour, improving our interaction. But I found out that the theory was wrong, and I saw him realising that as well."

At Taichi's slightly compassionate face, Yamato shrugged. "He's shocked, I'm not saying that he isn't. But I think he has a new appreciation for me being myself, and different priorities."

The brunet couldn't decide whether to be impressed or annoyed. "I can't believe the way you can be such a drama-queen over some things and then so freakishly mature about others."

"It's called mood swings, remember? You know that word you made up for a thing I like to call my personality," he smirked as his friend laughed good-heartedly, and stretched out his legs.

Finding the other male studying him, he quirked an eyebrow. "What?"

"You're back," Taichi stated, eyes glittering with something that reminded Yamato of summers and freedom.

He smiled back, not able to stop it even if he had wanted to. "So are you."

The heavily sentimental silence that followed made the blond clear his throat, searching for something to change the subject. "Sora's a lesbian."

Surprise mixed with joy and excitement crossed the brunet's face, making him smile at the same time as gaping, which looked hilarious. "The universe does make sense!" he exclaimed, completely embracing the new knowledge. "I'm so glad, I thought she was just a bitter feminist, I thought some jerk had crushed her or something." The worry that he hadn't even realised was there suddenly ran off of him, and he couldn't wait to see her again; this was a whole new world of gay-jokes!

"Just a healthy homosexual" Yamato nodded. "Guess who she's fucking!"

"Ew." Taichi suddenly frowned darkly, drawing an invisible line without warning. "That's not funny."

Yamato rolled his eyes. "She's dating Mimi," he grinned, finding it hard to believe it himself.

Taichi's eyebrows rose and he smiled again. "No way..."

Three seconds of silence followed. Thinking the same thing, they both broke into laughter. "We're such idiots"

Hearing his own laughter mingle with his friend's chuckles, Taichi realised how much he had missed him; more than he had dared to imagine. The brunet knew this was a new beginning.

When he looked up, he was greeted with blue eyes and a smile that gave him butterflies. "She said it works. You know, dating secretly. That it's not as frustrating as it sounds. Doesn't have to be, at least." the blond looked as though he was trying to get something said, and laughed a bit when Taichi started to snicker. "So..."

"So," the athlete repeated, enjoying the other's embarrassment but knowing that he took away some of the effect by being awkward himself.

"Go out with me," the musician finally mumbled, but looked at ease, not afraid to meet his eyes.

The brunet smiled as he observed the person before him, whom had suddenly grown more than the football player had seen him do since they first met. The blue eyes were steady, completely focused on _him_; for once not filled with concern over what others would think about him, or what he was supposed to be according to his whole idea of normal and average. He was sure, mind made up, confident, assuring the brunet that he wouldn't back out. If Taichi let him, they'd figure out how and where to be a couple, they'd support and defend each other against every one else. He could actually lean on the pale boy if he had to; not before now had Yamato even been strong enough to stand on his _own_. Taichi didn't have to carry him or even himself anymore. His best friend was back, his company, his comfort and support, his savoir when he screwed up, his escape and vacation, and everyday companion.

All of that had been _missing_ for several goddamn weeks!

Yet all the dark-eyed boy could do was to stare at him, assuming that it would sink in as time went by.

Yamato's stable gaze eventually started to flick and his smile faded slowly. "It's cool if you say no, but silence is pretty mean," he finally urged, shifting.

A laugh came from the other male as he realised that he hadn't responded (or that there'd been a question in the first place). Then he just grinned, amazed by how the other could still be frowning when he was so cherry. Clearly the musician didn't take anything for granted.

"Took you a while, didn't it" he finally replied, grinning as the blonde's stiff posture sank into a spineless heap, groaning in relief. He then pulled the brunet into a hug, warmer than Taichi had ever experienced. He closed his eyes, dipping his nose into blond hair and breathing in the scent.

As the warmth slowly started to turn into heat, he felt the own of said hair shifting. "Tai," the musician started, preparing to apologise for he was about to do.

Before he could, the addressed teen mumbled "There's so much I want to give you." At the same time he knew that it couldn't be helped at the moment, and that things would soon get better if he just waited.

"You have no idea how appealing that sounds," Yamato sighed in yearning, almost bitterly. "Just have to get used to it. Rehabilitate, if you will"

"I'll help you get used to it" Taichi perked up eagerly, earning a tired chuckle from his friend.

"Great," he reluctantly drew back, "I need to catch me breath every once in a while though, or else I think it just builds up."

The athlete nodded knowingly, prepared to cooperate, especially now when the tall teen had completely committed to him. "It's not like there's any sexual frustration at least." The brown-haired boy grinned broadly as the one in green laughed embarrassingly. "Nah, we've had our fair share of that, I guess" he met his eyes, still smiling. "'Sides, there's a lot of other things to catch up with"

The brunet nodded. "Running."

Two seconds of awkwardness followed as Yamato was hit by a not so pleasant flashback of a not so pleasant conversation, then the brunet's face told him that he meant real running. Literally.

The blond nodded agreeably. "Could need some exercise"

Now they were both nodding. "It's beautiful outside too, all sunny and I bet it's warm" Taichi added, gazing through the glass of the window to the right.

"Mm," the blue-eyed boy once again agreed. "I've been pretty lazy these last few days anyway. I'm grounded," he added as an afterthought, silently wondering if that even counted by now.

"That's a shame," the brunet sighed quite melodramatically, shaking his head. "Well, he's not here anyway, and like I said; it's a beautiful day. He'll understand"

"Yep."

They looked at each other and determinedly nodded one more time, confirming.

- o - o - o - o - o -

Rolling over to his back, the blue eyes squinted as sunlight hit them, and he blinked while panting for air. He dried sweat off his temple and ran his fingers through sticky hair, sighing contently.

His companion lay beside him, also catching his breath.

Breaking the silence, Yamato threw him a glance. "So?" he asked reluctantly, already fearing the answer; it had been sort of obvious.

The other's reply took a few seconds, as Taichi chose his words. "It was… okay"

"Okay?" the taller teen echoed, immediately betraying the disappointment he thought he'd be able to hide.

"Well what do you expect, it practically felt like taking a shit backwards!" the brunet argued defensively. At the mere silence he was given he turned his face towards the pale boy, brown eyes somewhat guilty. "But the whole… everything else was wonderful, being with you without that stress and shame, and being worshipped like that… and the _principle_ of you being inside me, y'know, when I could actually focus on that"

Yamato cringed. "Did I hurt you?"

"Not any more than you couldn't avoid. I don't know _how _you managed, the way we rushed all the time."

The other just shrugged, not wanting to think of the past. His eyes returned to the dark brown orbs of his friend. "It felt good doing all those things to you," he murmured, rolling over to his side and adjusting the cover over his hip. "It's nice to express so much without words. And without suffocating."

A smile spread over the tanned boy's face and he nodded. The light cast soft shadows over his skin, and his eyes glimmered under the dark lashes. Yamato studied him silently, then the boy spoke up. "How's your leg?"

The blond snorted tiredly, shaking his head. It had surprised them both when the pale boy's nerves had taken very visible action.

_His cheeks were flushed, his head was spinning, his heart was pounding, he was moaning and sighing with practically every breath, and he was harder than ever. _

_Still, Yamato felt cooler than ice; he was lying naked on top his friend's gorgeous body, grinding with a steady rhythm, hungrily frenching the brunet and gripping his chocolate-collared hair. _

_And he was still sane. _

_Apparently he wasn't useless at this newfound activity; the football player was moaning happily under his hands and tongue, legs moving around, chest heaving, and body responding to the grinding, enjoying the affection. The blond generously tested everything that he felt wasn't nerve-wrecking, taking the opportunity while he had it. In the meantime the brunet whispered his name, panted, and made all kind of sounds that made the musician want to purr. Everything was going smoothly until the temptation of returning got too hard for the athlete to resist. _

_Comparing to what the blue-eyed boy had been doing up until now, Taichi's gesture was pretty innocent; only bringing his hand up to stroke the fair skin of his friend's face, chest and back, sucking fondly at his neck. The musician was in heaven at first, but soon asked him to stop, feeling his muscles tense almost painfully. When the brunet didn't; far too happy with breaking rules and stubbornly holding him close, Yamato's leg cramped up. _

_Ironically, this led to the brown-eyed teen having to massage the cramp away, barely keeping from molesting the blue-eyed boy all the same. _

"Better," he replied, cracking a smile. "How's your ass?"

He laughed as the brunet shoved him, rolling over to his back again and gazing at the ceiling.

"You've got some practise to do," the tanned male finally answered, also rolling to his back, putting his hands behind his neck. "It's just like running, see-"

The tall teen groaned, slapping a pillow into the other's grinning face.

"Seriously, it's a genius analogy! Careful in the beginning, and in the end you go for it-"

"Shut _up_"

"We should totally try out music too, create a play list right, slow seductive for the foreplay, then lots of base for the humping and then power-ballad for the climax-" He laughed loudly as his blond friend interrupted with another groan, throwing his head back into the pillow and clutching his stomach.

The nagging continued, verified with making out until Mr Ishida returned. Then they clumsily dressed, giggling like idiots and sneaked out into the hall, trying to act innocent.

When the middle-aged man addressed the brunet, Taichi almost bowed. He was beyond nervous and positive that Yamato's father was going to punish him. Add the urge to laugh, and he knew that he was screwed.

Taking advantage of his height, Hiroaki glanced down at the shorter brunet threateningly, making him shrink even more. "Since my son is his normal self again, I won't bother trying to stop you two from seeing each other. I'm too damn old for all this drama" with that he glanced at said drama queen, who smiled knowingly. "I suppose that I am just happy with you finding yourself and following your heart" he added dryly, making them both hide a snicker.

"A few rules" he continued sternly, trapping the poor brunet with his gaze. "No fucking on the couch, or anywhere else in this apartment for that matter. No funny business when I'm around. I don't want to see or hear or know about it. Use condoms. If I ever get a complaint from neighbours you won't set your foot in here ever again. And last but not least, do not have sex."

The worst part about Mr Ishida wasn't the fact that he was scary; it was his tendency of always having to challenge the football player's self discipline. The man had humour, but God help you if you ever laughed.

"Hai. And may I say that you still scare the living hell out of me."

Hiroaki narrowed his eyes. "Don't swear."

The man turned on his heel and walked over to his office. Once gone, Yamato smiled at his friend encouragingly and the brunet returned it hesitatingly, still a bit shaken. The blond walked up to him and wrapped his arms around the other's shoulders, hugging him. The closeness made the football player slightly worried, but the embrace was too nice to break. "There's always your place," the blond male piped up.

"There all home though," he sighed, resting his head against the other's neck.

"Have you told them?"

"Mm."

"Did they freak?"

He paused, blinking "Have you _met _my family?"

The musician grinned, hugging him tighter. "Guess I don't take that stuff for granted," he added, voice becoming serious.

Taichi rubbed his back affectionately. "Hey, he didn't kill me. I dunno 'bout you, but I was very surprised."

The taller male shrugged. "Yeah, he took it well. Could've thrown me out, or try to talk me straight. Or ignore me, or just take off," he ranted on, letting his imagination drift.

His friend was quiet for a few seconds, slightly shocked over the fact that the musician had actually considered all of this. "Have you been worrying about it?"

Another shrug. "Meh. Wasn't that much room left for more worrying you know. And I figured he wouldn't take a closer look unless I disturbed him from his daily routines."

"But he did" the other noted, smiling happily.

To his surprise, the other teen held him even closer, sighing. "I've missed you so much, Tai"

The whispered words warmed the other boy's heart, and he buried his face into the soft hair. "Me too."

"Your place then?" the blond later asked.

Taichi hesitated. "They may be open-minded, but I don't think they want to listen to us screwing"

Offended, the musician snorted dramatically, pulling away. "I meant _hang out_. It's pretty bad atmosphere in here now, would be nice to get away."

The other ducked his head, smiling sheepishly. "Right."

"I'll just let him know," Yamato added, jerking his thumb towards his father's office.

-

The door was slowly opened, and simultaneity knocked on as his son stuck his head in, boldly looking into his eyes.

The same old triumphant, but oh so magically honest gaze that he had actually come to miss lately. Happiness seemed to have been added, obviously having to do with that Yagami-kid currently standing in their hallway.

Him, out of all people.

The irony almost made Hiroaki smile. He looked up at his son.

"We're going to Tai's for a while."

"Very well"

The blue gaze flicked to the floor instead. "Um.. thanks for not throwing me out"

With his eyes downcast he missed his father's surprise. Blinking, the man cleared his throat, briefly reflecting his son's suspicion, that he would actually take such a drastic action. He supposed that it wasn't very blameable, though he had thought that there had at least been reliability in their relationship. Of course that was as long as nothing disturbed the routine.

Come to think of it, Hiroaki really couldn't blame him. He had never really assured his son that he would love and care about him unconditionally. That safety had never been self-evident.

Avoiding eye-contact meant that there were feelings to be hidden. A good thing.

Yamato's gaze met his once more, but moved around, not settling on anything. He seemed to be waiting for some kind of answer after all. Maybe just an _of course I wouldn't_ or even something absurd like _you're welcome. _

But he might as well give him something solid, get that over with. Hiroaki had never been smooth with these things, so the sentence came out clumsily. "I do love you, Yamato-kun"

The reaction made him smile; it heavily proved that the boy was back and that he was currently completely fine.

Groaning painfully, the teen turned his face away. "_Freakin' sentimental old..._" the sentence died out as the door was shut, and Mr Ishida chuckled in his seat.

That kid was _definitely_ not going to turn out like him.

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**WHOHO! XD**

**So it's past midnight here (and school tomorrow) and I'd be lying if I said I'm completely focused X) but it hit me that the 'end-scene' that I've been nagging about was already done and here I was, struggling with the final sentences, so I thought whatever the hell my problem is, screw it, and let's make some readers happy by putting this up. :)**

**I'm sooo relieved with finishing this, I'm already thinking about other (much shorter) stories, and it's gonna be great starting from scratch after all this drama.**

**Now, if you don't review I'm gonna punch you in the face!! So do, and I'll be very happy ^_^**

***I did convert it to foot and inces at first, but then I discovered that they use the meter-system in Japan too :P HAH! Another thing we have in common (other one is that in Sweden we take our shoes off indoors too). But for those who are too lazy to look it up: 1,85 meter is about 6 foot 1.**

**Oh, and if you want to, check out some vids of me drawing at at youtube (my username there is BornADreamer. My imagination kicks ass) **

**I'm woking on some animations too that I might upload as well sometime in the future.. Also have some pics at fanart-central. I dare you to guess what my username is.**

**Well, that's it. Thanks for reading my story! :)**

**G'night.**


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